My husband has overworked for the last 10 years in a very stressful job. Therefore his brain has constantly been under a large amount of stress. In the last 6 months however, things have taken a turn for the worse. His daughter (my stepdaughter) has cut herself off from us, rejecting him essentially as her Mum is very manipulative and difficult to deal with. Whilst not his fault it has obviously been very difficult to deal with. He also found out 6 months ago that his Mum had had an affair when he was young. Slowly over a space of about 3 months he became more and more paranoid and controlling of my behaviour. He wanted to check my phone constantly for texts, he expected me to report exactly who I had phoned or who had phoned me that day etc. And he wouldn't let me tell any of my friends what I was going through. It became very wearing and I found it very difficult to deal with.
We have 2 young children and I basically do everything at home, run the household, look after them, do all school runs etc. plus keeping up a job as a teacher 4days a week. On a good day I am tired and barely able to keep it together. So when all this started I didn't really have the head space or the ability to help him. When I tried to suggest getting outside help he found this as a rejection.
He was constantly asking for me to be "open and honest" which I thought I was being. However, whenever I got angry because he was accusing me of having deleted texts etc. he said I was "not there for him", "not supporting him", "just thinking about myself" etc.
In the last few weeks things have got worse with him telling me constantly that I am the reason he is depressed, that our marriage has been rubbish for years (something I don't agree with), that I am not a nice person because I get frustrated and angry with him rather than trying to help him etc.
I know this is just his illness (he has just started another set of antidepressants and the counselling from NHS hasn't kicked in yet) but I am finding it difficult to stay positive and hopeful. He sounds so convincing, I wonder if he is right. Maybe our marriage does need to finish. Then I think, no that is ridiculous. And I find it hard not to hate him for being so unkind and uncaring and cold towards him.
Does anyone else have a similar experience? This very verbal abusive, blaming depressive is difficult to live with. I always thought depressives would just withdraw and want to stay in bed all the time. However my depressed husband seems intent on getting help (restarting the gym, taking up a hobby etc) but still blames and verbally abuses me. I just feel so sad for myself (and guilty that I can't keep myself from getting frustrated with him rather than helping him).
We have 2 young children and I basically do everything at home, run the household, look after them, do all school runs etc. plus keeping up a job as a teacher 4days a week. On a good day I am tired and barely able to keep it together. So when all this started I didn't really have the head space or the ability to help him. When I tried to suggest getting outside help he found this as a rejection.
He was constantly asking for me to be "open and honest" which I thought I was being. However, whenever I got angry because he was accusing me of having deleted texts etc. he said I was "not there for him", "not supporting him", "just thinking about myself" etc.
In the last few weeks things have got worse with him telling me constantly that I am the reason he is depressed, that our marriage has been rubbish for years (something I don't agree with), that I am not a nice person because I get frustrated and angry with him rather than trying to help him etc.
I know this is just his illness (he has just started another set of antidepressants and the counselling from NHS hasn't kicked in yet) but I am finding it difficult to stay positive and hopeful. He sounds so convincing, I wonder if he is right. Maybe our marriage does need to finish. Then I think, no that is ridiculous. And I find it hard not to hate him for being so unkind and uncaring and cold towards him.
Does anyone else have a similar experience? This very verbal abusive, blaming depressive is difficult to live with. I always thought depressives would just withdraw and want to stay in bed all the time. However my depressed husband seems intent on getting help (restarting the gym, taking up a hobby etc) but still blames and verbally abuses me. I just feel so sad for myself (and guilty that I can't keep myself from getting frustrated with him rather than helping him).