Skip to the content
Choose your content
UK NI Scotland Wales

Join us Login Forum Media enquiries
Choose your content
UK NI Scotland Wales

My name is Mark Kinghorn and I began caring for my wife Muriel 15 years ago, when I also gave up my job. We have 3 children Stewart, 24, Jamie, 22 and Heather, 21.  

The decision to give up my job and become a carer was not an easy one. The drop in income was huge, especially with 3 young children to bring up, but with Muriel’s health worsening due to her Diabetes, ME, POTS, FND, Depression and having had a Heart Attack in 2008, we did not want our kids growing up caring for their Mum, as I worked 12 hr shifts. 

After handing in my notice at my place of work after 22 years, the world became a very different place – the security of work had gone and all that comes with it. 

We entered the stressful world of the benefit system, where everyone seemed to be questioning Muriel’s illness and her conditions. The forms seemed endless and basically dragged down anyone filling them in. We applied for and were awarded benefits, but never felt comfortable being dependant on them, despite us both having worked the majority of our lives. 

Our young children now had to get free school meals, and we had to get help to buy school uniform for them. The strain on Muriel and the kids became more evident as the years progressed; Stewart, our eldest, had Opposition Behaviour Disorder, diagnosed soon after I started my carer journey. 

The days and months that followed centred round Caring for Muriel and trying to make sure the kids had as normal a life as we could provide. I started a football club in the village we live in for kids ranging from 5-12 years of age as there were loads of kids wanting to play. We started in 2010 with 10 kids and some borrowed footballs and goals and still as chairman 14 years later we now have 140 kids training and playing weekly over many age groups. 

As the kids switched to High School the demands of being a carer and a parent became very different. With Muriel starting to have Stroke-like attacks leaving her paralysed for periods of time, and spending more time in hospital and at hospital appointments. It took a toll on the kids and our daughter especially started to be a worry as her behaviour become more erratic, despite still doing very well at school. It was a stressful time for us. She was finally diagnosed in 6th year with BPD. 

The aim of my giving up work was always to care for Muriel, but just as importantly, it was to give our 3 kids the best start in life we could. We did not want them coming in from school and have to start caring for their Mum if I was working or help her during the night if I was on nightshift. 

Jamie, our middle child, become a very good runner and won Scottish titles at various distances. Muriel always wanted to be there to see him race but, on many occasions, after travelling to whatever venue he was running at, invariably fell asleep due to her ME and a few times actually had her Stroke-like attacks at the venue.  

This all led to more worrying times and stress for the kids as they time and again saw their Mum taken away in an Ambulance, off to hospital. These Stroke-like attacks became so numerous we have now actually stopped calling 999 as there is nothing that anyone can do to help with them. 

The kids all left High School for further education with Jamie going to Abertay Uni and Heather going to Stirling Uni. Stewart took the more extended route of going to college before getting a Uni place at Napier in Edinburgh. 

Jamie has now graduated from Uni and has been diagnosed with BPD as well. 

Muriel’s conditions have now worsened with her eyesight suffering, and this means multiple trips to the hospital for injections to try to stop her sight worsening even more. Heather is in her last year of study and Stewart has 2 more to go. 

It has been very difficult for them the last 15 years and I feel that our situation has taken a toll on the kids’ mental health as they all grew up. But all in all, I am relieved that the objective we had 15 years ago has worked out, as the kids have grown up doing what most kids do, and been able to go to Uni and follow their dreams. 

 

This story was kindly submitted to us to mark Carers UK's 60th Anniversary in Scotland. You can find the other stories in this series at the links below.

Full-time caring – a journey to mastering mindfulness

Back to top