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Elderly parent refusing help - Carers UK Forum

Elderly parent refusing help

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Hi all, I’m new here and was hoping for some advice as we are totally lost on what to do next. My elderly mother-in-law is in desperate need of help but she has refused any help whatsoever even from us her family. I will try and keep this as short as I can. My mother-in/law is in her late 70,s she can hardly walk she is double incontinent she lives with her useless husband who will go out when he wakes up and returns late evening, he is a serial hoarder who has turned my mother-in-laws home into a danger zone, the kitchen should be condemned the rest of the flat is just piled floor to ceiling with his personal junk, only way around the flat is a very narrow walkway through all of the hoard. Every time we try to clear it or seek help my mother-in-law turns so nasty to whoever is trying to help her, the husband we just found out has spent all of her savings the only asset she has left is her tiny 1 bedroom flat. We don’t know what to do before it’s to late. My husband don’t want to go there anymore because of the husband and because she refuses help. I can’t just sit back and let her live like this but what else can I do. Thank you so much for reading
Does she own or rent the flat? Talk to the "Continence Nurse" at the surgery and ask her to visit "as we like to keep an eye on our most senior patients". Hopefully once she see the flat, it should start the ball rolling, it it's unhygienic or dangerous to her.
She does own her own flat although because of the husband it is now very dangerous, she has fallen over many times, the last time she fell over my son happened to go visit when she didn’t answer the door he looked through the window and saw her laying on the floor bleeding from a head wound. We live 100 miles away so we can’t always be there. If I contact anyone in regards to help for her she just refuses, we can’t even get her to the doctors. We tried to persuade her to have someone come in just once a day to help her with pc but she won’t we suggested meals on wheels but she refused. I know sounds just awful but I think she would be quite happy to live her last days living this way. I work in a care home and really this is what she needs but she would rather die in this state then go live in one.
Her flat is extremely unhygienic also, we have gone round there on a few occasions to try clear it up but she won’t have none of it, she gets very angry and distressed. In the kitchen we have seen mice. I just want to kidnap her and bring her back home to live with us but of course I can’t do that. Thank you so much for the reply x
Tracey ... if the condition of your mother's house is " Unsafe " , one avenue would be the Enviromental Health section of the local LA.

Extreme but ... nothing will change unless it is an enforced change ?
This is what I was thinking, my husband said she will hate us for it but if it means her safely then maybe we have no choice.
If as cluttered as described , what if a fire broke out ?

Best to receive verbal wrath rather than dealing with the aftermath of a calamity ?

A duty of care ... strange interpretations at times ?
Yes I do agree I think this is the only option. Will she have no choice but to accept help if we take this route? After the flat is clear I still think the husband will refil it again slowly as he is the problem.
You can only go so far.

The FINAL decision / responsibility rests with your mother ... unless the LA decide otherwise and serve something similar to an Enforcement Notice ... very common on my manor and the bane of BTL landlords !
I wish I could get through to her how much more better her life could be. Any decision making what falls on her well she won’t accept any help whatsoever she has made that clear. She won’t even accept help for herself let alone the state of the flat.