[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
We can't cope and don't want home help - Carers UK Forum

We can't cope and don't want home help

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi
I am looking for some advice of how to get my mum into a care home. She would like to go too.
She is 90 and lives with my family for the past 9 years. She has a slight degree of dementia, not diagnosed.
We can't cope anymore and cannot leave her alone as we fear we may not have a home left or that she may fall or any number of accidents.
I have a young family and feel like prisoners in our home.
We got in contact with social services months ago and they informed my wife that we should look for a home and would bypass any care needs in the home.
However we had a social worker assessment visit who said that we should explore having some home care first.
Frankly any sit in visits or help with bathing and so on would not improve my mums life or ours.
I explained all this and how we are suffering from mental ill health because of the situation.
My mum wants to go and we have accepted that she should go but the social worker wants us to have home help.
So is there any way we can get her in or on a list without having home help first.
Jack_22071 wrote:
Fri Jul 22, 2022 12:03 am
Hi
I am looking for some advice of how to get my mum into a care home. She would like to go too.
She is 90 and lives with my family for the past 9 years. She has a slight degree of dementia, not diagnosed.
We can't cope anymore and cannot leave her alone as we fear we may not have a home left or that she may fall or any number of accidents.
I have a young family and feel like prisoners in our home.
We got in contact with social services months ago and they informed my wife that we should look for a home and would bypass any care needs in the home.
However we had a social worker assessment visit who said that we should explore having some home care first.
Frankly any sit in visits or help with bathing and so on would not improve my mums life or ours.
I explained all this and how we are suffering from mental ill health because of the situation.
My mum wants to go and we have accepted that she should go but the social worker wants us to have home help.
So is there any way we can get her in or on a list without having home help first.
www.carehome.co.uk and no sorry.
Will mum be paying for the care home fees? I wonder if the social worker was just trying to save her department money?!?!
bowlingbun wrote:
Fri Jul 22, 2022 3:09 am
Will mum be paying for the care home fees? I wonder if the social worker was just trying to save her department money?!?!
Yes but I would contribute. The care home we would like is for her culture and language and comes highly recommended.
Potentially she would have a better life.
The social worker was nice but newly qualified and said the council would consider a home if we explored other options first.
To be blunt. the social worker has no say if your mum has the mental capacity to make a decision (at a time when she's at her best). It's her decision. Social services have no power to decide. If your mum doesn't have the ability to make the decision to move, then it's about a best interests decision, that must also take into account the needs of the family.

A care package will not provide enough support for your mum to remove the need for your care. It will not give you a regular break. Your family needs are important and MUST be taken into account, and it's clear that a care package won't cut the mustard in these circumstances. It's quite clear the social worker has ignored your needs. It's worth checking the assessment to see if your concerns are even mentioned, let alone considered. It will give you ammunition for a complaint if needed.

It would be a good idea to talk to the Helpline: 0808 808 7777 Monday to Friday, 9-6pm
Hello Jack. Basically it is down to money. If your mum has less than £23 000 app. to her name, then social services could provide part of the cost of care home. Things would be on their terms. They would consider cheaper alternatives, e.g. visiting carers. You mum would be means tested.

It sounds, however, that you and your family can provide the full cost of the care home. In which case, it is not for social services to dictate that your mum cannot go into a care home.

So, you can afford the cost and Mum is willing to go into the home. That is two vital boxes ticked! What is holding you up?

Have you approached the care home, checked its charges and asked to be put onto the waiting list? Is there some other obstacle that hasn't been mentioned yet in this thread?
I can afford a contribution but not full cost.
I am confused with the replies.
My mum has the mental capacity to decide.
This particular home if it where to work out OK would greatly improve her mental well being.
I guess what I am asking for is am I stuck in the system and have follow the assessment ( they only visited yesterday)
Or is there another way within the system i can push this.
Many Thanks for repliez
There is a big push for care at home, for the best for the caree.
Put 2 + 2 together = shortage and expense of care homes.

Have you tried going through your GP?
Our GP has told me that my mother qualifies for a nursing home if she wanted to go he could arrange it but neither of us want that.
Some years ago when she was recovering from pneumonia the district nurse took me aside to voice her concerns and I put her right that we were caring for her. The next day the Dr was here asking mother if she wanted to go into a home. I put him right.

Get an appointment with the Dr to review your mothers condition and ask about her going into a home.
No guarantees, it's worth a try. If a Dr says that someone should/must go into a home I believe that cannot be overridden by SS, unless things have changed.
Jack_22071 wrote:
Fri Jul 22, 2022 8:21 am
I can afford a contribution but not full cost.
I am confused with the replies.
. . .
Jack, we need to clear up confusion.

Can you and your mother together afford the cost of the care home?

If not, and the council needs to assist, you are in a less-strong position and will have fewer options.
If mum has specific cultural needs then these MUST be respected and funded by the council, NOT YOU!