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7 stages od dementia - Carers UK Forum

7 stages od dementia

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
When I read the 7 stages of Dementia, Mum has most definitely reached stage 4 , strayed into stage 5, but is also incontinent with a nasty personality change which is stage 6. Is this possible? I am confused!
I too have read them for vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. My husband has vascular dementia along with the effects of strokes. I thing the guidelines are just that, as everyone is so different. I can see that at the nursing home. One stage overlaps the other. All so complex. I still read the stages, and symptoms, trying to prepare myself for what may happen or is happening. Not sure anything can really do that sadly.Can try.
Sounds as though you are in a similar boat... we edge along the river never too sure what is around the next bend.
My grandchildren used to sing
Row row your boat gently down the stream...
Then finish off with
If you see a crocodile you will begin to scream!!
We are on the boat, rowing frantically, crocodile waiting to get us!!!
Its all so confusing. My 91 yr old Mother was admitted to hospital last November with pneumonia and terrible delirium that I'd battled alone trying to cope with for 6 weeks, while she was busy trying to set the house on fire with (at that point) one of her 97 ciggies a day. My nerves were in shreds!

She came out of hospital having after 5 weeks on deprivation of liberty orders, has always rejected a cat scan and GP had declared no dementia. Her discharge notes recorded that she was aggressive and abusive and they put her on Quetiapine.

Nearly 5 months on, I have self funding carer help as I just can't cope alone 24/7 anymore, as she's got severe mobility problems. She can't walk at all and can only stand for seconds with a frame, supported. She needs help to transfer to commode.

Main problem is her attitude is so disruptive. She has always been very domineering with me - I've not been able to leave the house for more than 2 hours for 10 years now, without a severe row, a holiday is out of the question. But recently that is getting worse - now I am not allowed to go to bed until she 'lets' me (if I don't stay, she'd keep me up all night) our carer is fantastic, but Mother sees her as 'coming between us' and insults her and gives her dirty looks all the time, so carer has to sit in another room until needed and we can only talk when mother can't hear us. I'm not sure if this is dementia or that the delirium never completely went. If I called the GP my mother would rile herself and be totally coherent and sharp as a needle and claim I was trying to 'kill her' (I've already had social services round after she claimed I'd 'battered' her - needless to say, there wasn't a mark on her and when she then thought I was going to be 'in trouble' she burst into tears, this is also why I have carer help now!

Basically, she's all sweetness and nice when getting her own way ...but perhaps that's old age/dementia I don't know :( xx
My husband ,always a smart, thirst to learn, honest( as in if he owed 50p he would pay up) man, is now two faced as well as aggressive and difficult. He can be so polite to staff, and when they are out of the room he slates them. It can be funny. Well what else can I do but laugh,and tell him he is favoured by them. Life, when with him, is walking on eggshells, knowing that the Dementia will deepen. It seems delirium can exacerbate dementia, as well as any other time he is poorly. Being hospitalised, certainly hasn't helped. Nurses and other staff in the home have noticed it with any resident, when they return.All I can do now, is fight his corner when needed, try to keep him calm, and remember the man who fell in love with me all those years ago, as I did him. Not easy. Stomach knot when walking in to visit, the feeling of abandoning him when I leave, then the relief, guilt at being relieved, the bereavement feeling. The mixed emotions. Horrible bad memories when the dementia was setting in, happy memories from before that. It's a wonder I'm not a mental wreck.
Oh, Diane, Diane, Diane - what are we to do with you!

You've come SO FANTASTICALLY FAR since the nightmare days when you first posted here, yet you still haven't been able to make the complete journey yet.

For us - well, for me at least - it's SO SO SO Simple.

Your mother is 'wicked'. I genuinely don't think there's a nother way of describing her - you yourself call her domineering and that is the least of it. Her heaviour is not fro psychosis, or dementia, as it was there ALL YOUR LIFE. And uyour father was the same, you've said so.

BECAUSE she is 'wicked' and nothing else, whatever else is going on in her brain right now, you are simply not realising the moral truth of the situation.


But, and this is the WONDERFUL thing now about your situation. ...Diane, she is HELPLESS.

And I meant TOTALLY HELPLESS. She's bedbound, immobile, HELPLESS.

She doesn't even have financial power over you now you've got PoA (Please tell me that's gone through!)

You do not have to do a SINGLE thing she wants you too!

So WHY are you still her slave?

Leave her to the carer - it's what you're paying her for.

Who gives a xxxx what your wicked mother wants? She doesn't give a xxxx about you, and never has. YOU CANNOT WIN HER LOVE SHE HAS NONE TO GIVE YOU.

Please, Diane, find counselling for abused children, because that is you. Emotional abuse can continue all the way into adulthood, and she has done that to you, and still does. If you cannot get the permission you need, from us/me, to IGNORE your mother for the REST OF HER MISERABLE LIFE, then plea;e please please get that permission from a trained counsellor in child abuse.

Oh, Diane, please! Please learn to free yourself from the last of the chains she's bound you with.

She does not matter. Repeat after me. She does not matter because she is wicked. She is wicked because she is cruel and selfish and always has been.

Of course it hurts and hurts to think of her as wicked - abused children DESPARATELY try and 'create' a 'real parent' ie one that loves them ,and they desperately continue to love thei abuser, because they desperately hoep that THEIR love will engender love in return. IT Won't, it can't - ther is something deeply deeply damanged in the heart and mind and soul of your mother. You cannot heal it.

You can only guard yourself. And free yourself.

PLEASE - make a rule to visit your mum in her bedroom, which is her prison, and rightly so, and say 'Good morning, I'm off for the day now', and then once again in the evening 'Good evening, I'm off to bed now' and THAT IS IT.

You are paying a carer. That's what she is there for -at huge expense to you and to the inheritance you RICHLY deserve.

Please, please, please, Diane, grab your freedom with both your hands.
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