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A letter to: my daughter

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A letter from a mother to her oldest daughter, about the impact that caring has on their family.


Quote 1

How all this affects you and your sister is always at the front of my mind.

It breaks my heart to explain to you that we aren’t a normal family, and that we can’t do a lot of the things that your friends do. Some days daddy’s in so much pain he can’t get out of bed, or it hurts him too much to even sit in his wheelchair.

When your sister told her friends that daddy couldn’t work because of his ‘poorly legs’ it made my heart melt. But you understand more and are more sensitive to daddy’s illness. I know it upsets you to see him suffering, and how guilty it makes you feel. You are only eight years old, and I wish you weren’t having to deal with this.

Sometimes I’m not as patient with you and your sister as I want to be. I don’t always have the energy to give you all the attention that I wish I could.

Your dad and I never expected our life to be like this, but we do the best we can – we don’t want to miss out on you growing up. Daddy tries his best to do things with you when he can, like listening to you read in the evenings. And we’re lucky to still have special moments together as a family.

It can be really hard trying to be a mum, a wife and a carer at the same time, but I hope I don’t get it too wrong.Quote 2

This letter first appeared in Caring magazine issue 35. It is based on posts made by a Carers UK member in our online forum, and used with their permission. To join the Carers UK forum and talk about how caring affects you to people who understand, join Carers UK.


If you have a letter you want to write, send 250 - 300 words by email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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