Struggling

A place for those 18-35 to chat about all things caring.
Hi, im a carer for my mum. Im 19 and have been on carers allowance for a few months, ive been struggling lately with alot. I look after my niece most of the time as my older sister is a single mum and in part time work. But if it wasn't me looking after my niece it would be my mum who struggles with day to day activities. I get paid £66 Weekly and im really struggling with money. I have a car and insurance, a phone bill, i barely have enough for petrol for my car. If my care breaks down or has a problem im not going to be able to afford to have it fixed. Im on the verge of a breakdown! Does anyone have any advice? :(
Hi Shauna ... welcome to an extremely quiet forum as I type.

A kinship carer.

Much relevant information for kinship carers on the following thread :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/news-and ... site-37984

Would becoming a care manager ... as opposed to a kinship carer ... be preferable IF that could be achieved ?

Have a ponder ... then return to us here on the forum.
Shauna,
You are very young to be tied down to caring. Is this what you want to do for the years to come? What do you want your life to look like in five years time?

Whilst you think about the long term, let's think about what you can do to improve your situation now.
The most obvious change would be for your older sister to share the care of your Mum or for her to have a Needs assessment and care workers come in to support her with personal care etc This would enable you to get a part time job as well as claiming carers allowance.

How old is your niece?

Melly1
Shauna,

I also became the family "dogsbody". Because I was intelligent but couldn't work as I had a brain damaged son, as well as caring for my son, I was asked to do all sorts of things.

My younger brother was 8 years younger than me, looking back I think my mum had post natal depression, I looked after him so much that he called me his No.2 mummy and wanted me, not mum, to tuck him up in bed and read his bedtime stories etc. At that young age, I'd learned that it was my job to help everyone else!!

My "escape" was making myself unavailable by studying part time for an Honours degree!!
It took counselling when I was about 60 to finally realise that as far as mum (now physically disabled) was concerned, I was still being an "obedient little girl, never ever say "No" to anything I was asked to do.

My life could have been so different. You are being USED by mum and sister, FOR THEIR OWN ENDS. They really don't care about you, they just want you to do what they don't want to. It's time sister made her own arrangements for her own child. If mum can't do something, then she should accept carers to help her, NOT RUIN YOUR LIFE!!

i know this sounds incredibly hard of me, but I want you to realise that there is a big wide world out there, with opportunities for work, a husband, a home of your own, children, love, happiness. Your mum should want you to FLY, realise all your dreams. Don't let them manipulate you any more.

Develop an "Escape Plan". We can help you, we have helped others before. Start with your education. Do you have any qualifications? What would you like to do? Maybe stay and help the others a bit, whilst studying too?
Shauna,

Your sister needs a reality check, your first responsibility as a carer is to the person you get CA for.
In fact from the caring perspective that is sort of your sole responsibility because the system does not differentiate between a person caring for 1 person or 5 at the same time (a couple of us have been there)

I'm sure your niece is a sweetie and this is not her fault but this is just plain emotional blackmail to me from your sister.

I appreciate she works (part time?) but it is her daughter and especially if mum is not well with respect its time for her to grow up and assume some responsibility for herself and child like everybody else. How would she feel if you were able to for example secure full time work and asked her to look after her daughter as well as your mother?

This situation is unfair on both you and your mother, in your mothers case its going to make her health worse, not better.

Though while we're on this, does your mother not receive any outside help?
Has she had a care needs assessment? (carer assessment for yourself as well)
Are you sure your both getting any benefits/exemptions (council tax) you should be?
Why does your sister not get any additional help with child care? (presuming low income due to part time)
Every little helps - www.entitledto.co.uk could be the best 5 minutes you spent all year.

What about your own life? 19 is an important time for you most people are striking out in the world.
Please tell me when your sister is not working she is actually doing something with the rest of the day (helping with mum, her daughter, further education, something meaningful)

You have a right to your own life as well. You are a human being not a robot.

Only young once!

Best wishes to you/your family
Shauna_19071 wrote:
Sun Jul 28, 2019 11:24 am
Hi, im a carer for my mum. Im 19 and have been on carers allowance for a few months, ive been struggling lately with alot. I look after my niece most of the time as my older sister is a single mum and in part time work. But if it wasn't me looking after my niece it would be my mum who struggles with day to day activities. I get paid £66 Weekly and im really struggling with money. I have a car and insurance, a phone bill, i barely have enough for petrol for my car. If my care breaks down or has a problem im not going to be able to afford to have it fixed. Im on the verge of a breakdown! Does anyone have any advice? :(