Done before I truely start

A place for those 18-35 to chat about all things caring.
Adam, please please please do NOT move in with her.

Where do you currently live? STAY THERE.

Everyone is using YOU to solve a problem that is NOT YOURS.

Your mother quite frankly sounds impossible. Love is all very well, but not when it is tested beyond the limits of endurance.

HOW DARE anyone first of all 'volunteer' (!!!!) you without your knowledge or consent, let alone then tell you you are 'crap' at doing what is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY in the first place.

They - ALL of them - including your mother - are being OUTRAGEOUS.

I'm sorry to say this, because I'm sure you love her dearly, but really you HAVE to say no to this.

Tell me, do you have any friends, or anyone that you know in real life, who can 'stand by you' while you 'stand up' to this bunch of exploitative users (and by that I mean mostly your mother's partner - how DARE they say YOU will look after, how dare they! Their nerve is colossal - unbelievable - and outrageous!.

I know it's hard to stand up to people when they have bullied and browbeaten you, and sadly it does sound like your mum has done this to you as well - all that rubbish about 'not allowing' you to go to your GP, or have antidepressants etc.

Adam, you are THIRTY THREE YEARS OLD. You don't, truly, have to do what your mother says any more!

Please do read the posts here by a lady called Diane, which are in the Newbie section - she, very similarly to you, has been bullied and browbeaten by a mother she loves (far worse than you I do say, but even so, there are very strong similarities - mostly because each of you 'believes' what 'others' tell them....)

I'm not saying you have to withdraw ALL your support for your mum, but make a list of what you WILL do for her (NOT EVERY DAY), write it down, and stick to it.

Yes, they'll all get angry with you - but that is because you are not doing what THEY want, what suits THEM.

Yes, they'll try and make you feel guilty (while they do sod all for your mum).

Yes, they'll blame you and accuse you, and come up with all sorts of reasons why they (oh no, not them!) can't look after your mum, and why you CAN.

BUT as I say, there is NO REASON for YOU to give up YOUR life (and sanity) to devote yourself 24x7 to your mum.

Adam, if your mum truly loved you as a mother should, she would be the LAST person to want her son to suffer by looking after her. If my son (a bit younger than you) said he wanted to move in and look after me non-stop I'd NEVER let him!

TRUE mother love would want you to have a good, independent life, whatever it cost me.

It is, sadly, in the nature of badly-treated children to continue to love the parents who are taking them for granted and blaming them and so on, but please try and see what is happening to you. Read your posts again as if they were written by a stranger on this forum, and see it through our eyes, as clearly as we see it.

Can you go and stay with a friend 'somewhere else' for a week or two? That will both give you a break away from the situation, and also, most importantly, FORCE your mother's partner to make alternative arrangements.

It's just NOT your responsibility. You will have to say this, over nad over again, and yes, it will be scary to stand up to them all, but it HAS to be done - or you will have a nervous breakdown.

Please take strength from all these postsings here - we will help you through this to a better resolution, where you spend 'some' time on your mum, but NOT 'all your time' on her.

Tell me, what else do you do with your life? Are you unemployed ( I sort of assume you must be if you are 'available' to look after your mum full time!), where do you live (ie, on your own, with friends, etc), what are your interests, hobbies and social life? Do you have a partner, girlfriend (boyfriend!) etc? You can't exist solely to look after your demanding and highly unappreciative and ungrateful mother! (And make life easy for her partner and your sister......)

Wishing you ALL the best. But learning to say 'no' to other peoples unreasonable and unfair demands, is, I'm afraid, your first step, which is why we will support you in doing so. I promise you, it does get easier. YOUR LIFE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THEIRS. Always hang on to that!
Hi Adam, I "think" I understand what you are going through, but everyone is different.
I'm 40, male and care for my Mum after her second stroke. The only difference is that you've been manipulated into the situation and the family should hang there heads in shame, especially your Mums partner.

Visit Mum on a daily basis, you love her dearly, but make it clear you will walk away without help.

As for the do-gooders texting you telling you what you are doing wrong, I have these, its a way of hiding guilt, "If I text asking how Mum is it's as good as visiting!" They are clueless and the best thing is to not reply.

Head high dude and we'll all get through whatever life puts in front of us!