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Dealing with Mental Health - Carers UK Forum

Dealing with Mental Health

A place for those 18-35 to chat about all things caring.
Hi, So I was wondering if anyone could offer me any practical advice.

My mum has extreme mental health problems and no one seems to be able to deal with them.
My mum has had care coordinators who are just downright useless and make no attempt to deal with mum and just act dismissive of her issues. They don't seem to be offering the right support. As well as mental health problems she also has long history of abuse adding to it.

My dad also died a couple of years ago adding to her stresses. She still hasn't come to terms with it and well it may well have happened yesterday. I sometimes shock myself reminding myself that its nearly two years. But as I always say I was denied the grieving process. When you lived hand to mouth there was no grieving. Soon as he died I took on two jobs, I was still at uni, and had to deal with my mum and our lifestyle. Instead of 'The help' helping they just labelled us as dysfunctional. They acted like there was something wrong with me and I was troubled. He died 2 days after my 24th birthday I was not equipped. Weeks into his death, I self harmed. Mums friends bullied me over the fact that I inherited his money. The irony being I have never ever spent a penny of it in nearly 2 years. Some of it was used at first to sort our selves out but the rest remains untouched. Me and my sister have a pact that no one touches it, it keeps us safe.

I am still extremely peed of at the world in its response to those that died and their families during covid. The irony was nothing was worse than covid. Don't worry I am not a denier, I know people who were seriously ill. To me it was just the fact that everyone was so scared of it they forgot people died.

Anyway now that I have explained that I will say that mums mental health hasn't got any better, and it has been a real fight trying to get anyone to listen to me. Again people are dismissive. I know the NHS in dire straits but I don't think it is good enough people are suffering. I still feel like I have got nowhere.

Earlier in the year, I struggled so much, mum was too much to deal with and I suffered. A couple of times I wanted to end my life and get away, and people knew this but did nothing. Mums mental health was so bad that she was being reckless, drinking and harming herself, she was infacuated with a guy in a pub who used her. She pined after him so much and her anxieties passed on to me, she was laying in bed refusing to do anything till he answered. He never did, she was messaging him all the time that she was in hospital. He didn't care. She was also shouting at me every few seconds literally asking if he had messaged me, obviously he hadn't.

At this time I also tried to get a carers card but her stupid care coordinator stepped in and said no. I got fed up of her throwing a spanner in the works

During this time, my mum has so many anxieties that she would not be alone at all. I was forced to give up one of the jobs, not that it mattered anyway they had me working all hours. My other job offered me full-time 9 to 5 and I am still here today. Nights were worse and I couldn't go out and see friends at all. I saw no one. Mum was also someone that had to be entertained every minute and I'm afraid our weekend trips became stale as we ran out of places. I also got away once, but she was ringing me all the time threatening to kill herself. My weekend away was nearly ruined till a relative (I use that term) stepped in.

The care coordinator also would not take my phone calls when I was on the phone panicking that mum had done something.

This relative was abusive and from day one made it clear that she was happy my dad was dead. He had ruined her life years ago when he got my mum pregnant with me! She hated him, but she was already a known abuser at this point having had my severely disabled aunt taken out of her care.

The relative soon turned her abuse to me and would do anything to get rid of me. To be honest I didn't want to be there either. Eventually after a violent alteration whereas I was threatened I left to live with my partner of a few months and his family. I am still there. I didn't speak to mum for months until yesterday, but my sister had been engaging for the past month.

I tried to get her help but once again they refused saying she doesn't need it. The relative continued to get worse and worse taking every penny from her, being violent, using my old bedroom for her sex games with random men from the pub. Mum was not allowed to eat near her otherwise she would go mental saying she was greedy. All social services said was 'if the relative asks for help, then they will do something'. Mum has been beaten up because of this woman too and is covered in bruises.

The reason I write today is I have been receiving messages of my mum telling me she wants to kill herself once again. I know she is desperate but all I can do is ignore it though it is hard. I am not going to be dragged in again. I couldn't do it before and I cant do it again. That would mean giving up everything.

I now don't know what to do. I know my mum is really struggling and needs proper help. She needs to be in a supported accommodation where she can be monitored and watched out for. In the right environment, she can thrive.
She keeps posting these messages on Facebook and people are getting annoyed and I don't blame them but she is also screaming for help. All they seem to suggest is 'go for a walk' but her illness is quite severe.
Hello Coolcar

Thanks for posting about your situation in the forum. We were concerned to read that you are still having a really tough time in caring for your mum and I've therefore resent the email to you that we sent in May when you first raised these issues.

We hope this information will help and if you would like any further advice on your situation please contact our Helpline at advice@carersuk.org

Wishing you well

Michael