Hello
I'm 25 years old, work full time in an exciting but demanding job and I've been caring for my fiance who has M.E for three years.
We have been together for five years, met at University, where he was perfectly healthy and ready for life. One of the things I always admired about him was his passion and determination to get the most out of everything he did. He is intelligent and motivated, and I fully believed he would have a hugely successful career. He loved sports, travelling, cooking etc .. had lots of hobbies and was always up to do things together. It was very easy to fall for him, as he is also very funny, kind and compassionate, and a great listener.
Despite having glandular fever at school, and a short bout of sickness in our third year which we never really got to the bottom of and was diagnosed as a 'dairy intolerance' there wasn't much to suggest he wouldn't have the life he expected.
When we left University in 2015 he was ready to start his career, we both were... we traveled around Brazil for the summer and then started jobs (although sadly couldn't live together immediately due to location). We were naturally both tired to start with, but I got better with time whilst he got worse. I couldn't understand it at all, he would come home from work and just sleep. I thought he was being lazy (ashamed to say this now) and would criticize him for it.
After a while we decided to go to the doctors. They did every test I could imagine, he must have had more blood tests in six months than I'll likely have in a life time. Nothing - everything was fine. Nothing wrong with him. Despite all the while he could barely stay awake, would have awful brain fog, terrible muscle pain and couldn't get off the toilet.
Long story short a year later they gave up and diagnosed M.E. That was Aug 2016. He was off work for a year. Then he started to get better. He worked his way back up to full time, we were so excited. But then it hit again - he'd done the worse possible thing for M/E and overworked. Another year set back. He worked his way back again, but it became clear to us that he wouldn't be able to work. He left his job in May.
I support him as much as I can. I do all of the house hold chores alone, plus also working a full time job which often leads me to do 10 hour working days. It's a lot. I have a lot of support from his mum which I am so grateful for but my own parents are very unsupportive and spend most of their time suggesting I 'leave' him because my life would be easier without him. I love him.... you don't leave someone you love for being sick. I wish they understood that.
The problem is ... and this leads me to the end of this very long post (sorry!) is that I don't feel like anyone in my life understands that sometimes being a carer and working is really really tough. Sometimes I want to vent about it. That doesn't actually mean I am unhappy with my fiance. I don't want to leave him, and I wish the answer I got back wasn't "well leave then" because I don't feel like I can vent without it reflecting badly on him.
Does anyone feel the same? I would love to have someone to talk to who understands that just because i'm having a bad day doesn't mean he's 'using' me! It just means i'm having a bad day!
Thanks for reading - sorry for the long long post!
I'm 25 years old, work full time in an exciting but demanding job and I've been caring for my fiance who has M.E for three years.
We have been together for five years, met at University, where he was perfectly healthy and ready for life. One of the things I always admired about him was his passion and determination to get the most out of everything he did. He is intelligent and motivated, and I fully believed he would have a hugely successful career. He loved sports, travelling, cooking etc .. had lots of hobbies and was always up to do things together. It was very easy to fall for him, as he is also very funny, kind and compassionate, and a great listener.
Despite having glandular fever at school, and a short bout of sickness in our third year which we never really got to the bottom of and was diagnosed as a 'dairy intolerance' there wasn't much to suggest he wouldn't have the life he expected.
When we left University in 2015 he was ready to start his career, we both were... we traveled around Brazil for the summer and then started jobs (although sadly couldn't live together immediately due to location). We were naturally both tired to start with, but I got better with time whilst he got worse. I couldn't understand it at all, he would come home from work and just sleep. I thought he was being lazy (ashamed to say this now) and would criticize him for it.
After a while we decided to go to the doctors. They did every test I could imagine, he must have had more blood tests in six months than I'll likely have in a life time. Nothing - everything was fine. Nothing wrong with him. Despite all the while he could barely stay awake, would have awful brain fog, terrible muscle pain and couldn't get off the toilet.
Long story short a year later they gave up and diagnosed M.E. That was Aug 2016. He was off work for a year. Then he started to get better. He worked his way back up to full time, we were so excited. But then it hit again - he'd done the worse possible thing for M/E and overworked. Another year set back. He worked his way back again, but it became clear to us that he wouldn't be able to work. He left his job in May.
I support him as much as I can. I do all of the house hold chores alone, plus also working a full time job which often leads me to do 10 hour working days. It's a lot. I have a lot of support from his mum which I am so grateful for but my own parents are very unsupportive and spend most of their time suggesting I 'leave' him because my life would be easier without him. I love him.... you don't leave someone you love for being sick. I wish they understood that.
The problem is ... and this leads me to the end of this very long post (sorry!) is that I don't feel like anyone in my life understands that sometimes being a carer and working is really really tough. Sometimes I want to vent about it. That doesn't actually mean I am unhappy with my fiance. I don't want to leave him, and I wish the answer I got back wasn't "well leave then" because I don't feel like I can vent without it reflecting badly on him.
Does anyone feel the same? I would love to have someone to talk to who understands that just because i'm having a bad day doesn't mean he's 'using' me! It just means i'm having a bad day!
Thanks for reading - sorry for the long long post!