I'm 20, have an emotionally immature 44 year old mother who is so prideful and self-absorbed and as I've the last year n a half recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, cardiovascular problems, musculoskeletal problems, previous 20+ bloodclots on her heart and lungs and Borderline personality disorder and doctors said it was a miracle she even survived.
which has forced me into a position I didn't want. There already was tension between me and my family's relationship as I'm often times either invisible or a victim by association being blood related to my parents (theres too much family trauma there I don't even wanna touch lol), but now the tension has only gotten more strain threads startin to break as the sympathy I once had for her is draining due to her behaviour.
to make matters even worse I have two younger siblings aged 7 and 8. I do school runs, feed them, bathe them, keep them entertained.. I'm basically filling a parental role for both my siblings and my mother.
I haven't had my driver's test yet, owning car is out the question atm as we struggle financially, my plans of moving out quickly got scrapped so now I'm a live in carer for her 24/7, I haven't had the chance to get my first job yet and I have zero support. I don't tell the 2 friends I have the extreme lengths I'm being stretched with but almost daily I am exhausted/emotionally drained, im having suicidal thoughts, I wake up with tension headaches frequently, I lose any sense of time as I don't go literally anywhere in case something bad happens but same time as horrible as it sounds I grow apathetic towards her to the point her dying feels like it's the only way out when I know it certainly isn't.
Im so tired and I struggle already as it is with my own mental health I haven't had the chance to even get a psychiatrist for my own problems. I rarely get time for myself fully I just Its so incredibly hard..
I'm sorry for my ramble, I have no-one to turn too, after reading some others issues I just felt compelled to add my own feelings.
which has forced me into a position I didn't want. There already was tension between me and my family's relationship as I'm often times either invisible or a victim by association being blood related to my parents (theres too much family trauma there I don't even wanna touch lol), but now the tension has only gotten more strain threads startin to break as the sympathy I once had for her is draining due to her behaviour.
to make matters even worse I have two younger siblings aged 7 and 8. I do school runs, feed them, bathe them, keep them entertained.. I'm basically filling a parental role for both my siblings and my mother.
I haven't had my driver's test yet, owning car is out the question atm as we struggle financially, my plans of moving out quickly got scrapped so now I'm a live in carer for her 24/7, I haven't had the chance to get my first job yet and I have zero support. I don't tell the 2 friends I have the extreme lengths I'm being stretched with but almost daily I am exhausted/emotionally drained, im having suicidal thoughts, I wake up with tension headaches frequently, I lose any sense of time as I don't go literally anywhere in case something bad happens but same time as horrible as it sounds I grow apathetic towards her to the point her dying feels like it's the only way out when I know it certainly isn't.
Im so tired and I struggle already as it is with my own mental health I haven't had the chance to even get a psychiatrist for my own problems. I rarely get time for myself fully I just Its so incredibly hard..
I'm sorry for my ramble, I have no-one to turn too, after reading some others issues I just felt compelled to add my own feelings.