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Left my job to care for my dad who has a colostomy... -Carers UK Forum

Left my job to care for my dad who has a colostomy...

A place for those 18-35 to chat about all things caring.
Hi,
I'm 22 years old and live with my dad.

I left my job over a month ago to care for my dad who has a colostomy bag. He has become really down since having his colostomy and his given up on everything. Anyway, I was getting overwhelmed with having a full time job and caring for him. So I decided the best way was to leave my job to care for him and clean the house. However, I'm really struggling as I'm not good at giving care all the time and it's really putting a strain on our relationship.

I said to my dad that I'm thinking of getting a new job and sorting out a proper carer for him. He said he doesn't need a carer and that we will manage but I really don't want to go get a new job and feel overwhelmed with everything again. I feel I have to put my life on hold because he refuses to get a carer.

It doesn't make it any easier with his colostomy bag. There have been many times when I was at work, it has leaked when he was sleeping and I would come back from work and would have to change his bedding and clean the mess on the floor. He is okay changing the colostomy bag luckily, but he can't clean up the mess it leaves on the floor or change his bedding.

I just feel really bad as I thought I would be able to cope caring for him full time but I just can't. I feel trapped because i want to get back into my career but really don't want to leave my dad on his own and for me to come back home to a mess. I just wish he would accept a carer to come in and help out.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation or able to give me some advice please?

Thanks
Hello & welcome Keepsmiling - good name. And I would like you to keep smiling.

I'm sorry you needed to give up your job. Given your age it's important for your sanity and social/health welling. To have a life of your own outside of the home.

What age is Dad? What other health issues does he have?

Has there be a needs assessment for Dad and a carer assessment for you. If not this should take place.

Even if Dad refuses one for himself you can still have one as a carer.
sunnydisposition wrote:
Tue Mar 09, 2021 8:52 pm
Hello & welcome Keepsmiling - good name. And I would like you to keep smiling.

I'm sorry you needed to give up your job. Given your age it's important for your sanity and social/health welling. To have a life of your own outside of the home.

What age is Dad? What other health issues does he have?

Has there be a needs assessment for Dad and a carer assessment for you. If not this should take place.

Even if Dad refuses one for himself you can still have one as a carer.
Hi, it was a tough decision but I just couldn't cope with it all.

My dad is 70 years old, he had a heart attack about 10 years ago and had a stent put in. He is supposed to take medication for it but he has refused since he had his colostomy operation as they started giving him bad nosebleeds. The doctors know but they don't seem to have done anything about it. I think he struggles with depression as well as he is always feeling down. He has lost a lot of strength since having his colostomy so that has definitely knocked him back alot. I just dont know the best way to help him and get him to feel happier again.

No, he hasn't had any assessments but I will look into these and see what happens.

Thanks for your help :)
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... assessment

https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

I would suggest making pace on the assessments and Dad should apply for attendance allowance.

Also try and make connections with a carer support group in your area.

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... al-support
Hello there,
I have a very similar situation to yours, if you want, we can write it in a private message :)