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just wished things were different - Carers UK Forum

just wished things were different

A place for those 18-35 to chat about all things caring.
im 25,and my nan has cervical cancer,most of the time she is ok but sometimes she has episodes of about a week where she is bedridden and very ill and cant go toilet,i bring her water and massage her areas it hurts,but it is a hearbreaking thing,it really is,if i reach out to my slowly shrinking network of mates,i just get told to hang in there,cant really blame them,but this is so lonley,i split up with sme1 last year,one of the reasons was becaused i used my nans illness as an excuse 2 be depressed,i cant relax because i feel she might turn 4 the worse,keep shoutin'u alright nan?'like every 5 mins to make sure shes ok,i am so angry at my mum and uncle for just 4geting her,she wasnt a bad mum at all,i am really scared,i just want to reach out,are there any support groups in the SE london area?i said i would hapily look after her,as she brought me up,but she may need a hysterectomy,and i think th reality of things has set in,i wish anyone going through what i am all the best,regardless of age.
How old is nan, a hysterectomy is no big deal really, she'll just have to be careful not to lift anything heavy for a while! Sounds like you need to ask Social Services for a Carers Assessment and find out what help is available.
Billy cervical cancer is one of the most easily treated cancers, and I'm sure that your Nan's Doctors are doing all that they should be doing to make sure she comes through this OK.

As BB has said a hysterectomy is no big deal these days although I know it sounds scary - I had one when I was 43, I'm now 72 and relatively fit and healthy - apart from the normal aches and pains of ageing !

Has your Nan been allocated a Macmillan Cancer Nurse yet ? Have a look at their website here https://www.macmillan.org.uk/ - they offer support and advice for those diagnosed with cancer and for families too - and there is lots of information on their website.
thanku both for the advice,i really do appreciate it,i sounded just a dash melodramatic b4 as my nan was very ill at the time.my gran is 63,so not very old,but she tends to focus on the people that are not there 4 her,and i try remind her im there 4 her,hugs 1 or 2 times a day thoe im not really the huggy type.thanks again to respond,and it is really encouraging to hear people have gone on to lead full lives after that kind of operation.yes it does sound scary but im going to explore McMillan and social services,thanku again.my nan had a very terrible gp practice(the reveiws online are so bad its almost farcical) but is going to change it,a walk in centre booked an ultra sound,she was supposed to have it last year but think she forgot,or gp forgot,not sure but just focus on one in future. its just my nan is very submissive and passive,and i know i need to be a bit asertive and i have to help her with her affairs more but its not like i wanna take control of sme1s life or patronise her,but i dnt want her to miss her appointments. i just end up over thinking about this a lot,she is really only family i got.and im just angry at my mum and uncle for how they treated her over her life.not like they were pantomime villans or anything,but like i said shes submissive and they walked all over her.payed her sod all rent,and now dont do anything 4 her,didnt get her nothing 4 last birthday or xmas,the same day i last posted my mum let her down again,and i text her how i felt and how she shoul act and she told me f off! i see my uncle online on xbox but just ignore him because i cant see how he can just ignore her.she was a good mum to him more than mine was,my mum was terrible to me,the point im gettin to i think is that i got my own troubles to deal with,more than happy to support her but they should help.im going to message my uncle sometime but in a nice way,anywho ive ranted more than enough,thanks guys. p.s. sorry if the post is cluttered but cant make paragraphs properly on my xbox. it is nice to talk to people who understand,this stuff goes right over the heads of most people my age.
Forget about mum and uncle, accept they don't give a damn about you or nan. It's better than being constantly disappointed. Howevef that also means they have absolutely NO RIGHT TO INTERFERE. They will soon come running when shw dies and thers might be some money for them. Sadly, this was my own experience.
i am sorry thats what you went through,family seems like just a word these days,but with us,we aint got a pot to pee in,and barely a window to throw it out off,but we are ok,i dont give 2 spits about them really,its just my nan who constantly thinks bout them,i tell her its doing her no favors,and it gets to me sometimes,but il defo do what u said about social services,il look for options
Hi Billy,

I am currently caring for my father and its just the two of us. We have a small family and they don't live near us. The occasional message and phone call from them, its something I guess. Then there is my younger sister who lives away for uni but doesn't bother to check in or visit much. Initially it got to me, as well as having to deal with friends who might not know how best to deal with my situation (so just don't) and dealing with all the doctors/consultants/nurses/carers/etc on a daily basis, at times it can be a bit much. I found myself struggling with the idea that those supposed to be the closest to me on this earth, didn't seem to understand or want to get involved. It made me upset, frustrated and sometimes angry.

I'm trying my best to focus on whats important and not to get distracted or overthink the actions of others quite so much.
Its great you are there for your nan-any time you find yourself struggling, remind yourself of that. Even if you don't understand whats always going on for example with any pain she might be going through-you are there for her so she's not alone.
I notice with myself I start to feel a little overwhelmed when I haven't stayed on top of the washing and food shop ( which seems so silly ) I've tried to be a little more organised-each night, regardless of how tired I might be, do little chores so that everything can sort of run smoother.

My dad is in a losing fight and we were nearly close to saying goodbye in December but he's remained stable since. I'm not ignoring it but rather focusing on each day as it comes. Amongst your bad days, you will have good days.

Sometimes you might find it easier to distance yourself from friends/family, try not to worry if this happens as eventually they will understand. Sometimes you want space especially if you feel at times they don't care or want to. My GP keeps pushing counselling on me as I am a little reluctant - I'm not sure of any support groups but someone that has helped me from the council - Carers Care Liaison Officer - when my dads situation got a bit tricky, this lady came over and I just found she 'got me'. I occasionally speak to a social worker from a hospice that my dad had some rest bite from so maybe look into what your boroughs council has to offer there.

Sorry for rambling on, I just resonated with alot of what you were saying and thought my experiences might help.

- Take care,