- Member
Wed Sep 15, 2021 5:15 pm
My (34F) 87 year old Gran has been widowed for nearly 5 years.
For the 4 years prior to that my Grandad, her husband, was in a care home with dementia.
Gran keeps pretty well, she is in assisted living and has carers go in and help her twice a day. My Dad (her son) and I visit her once a week to get shopping for her, do some cleaning etc. (on separate days).
I work full time but I don’t have a car and she lives about 20 miles from me, otherwise I would visit more. Dad is retired.
I have 3 siblings that also live nearby but for some reason Gran isn’t interested in seeing them (strange). I lived with her and Grandad between age 11 and 18 so I think she sees me more as a daughter.
Lately Gran has been saying she’s waking up thinking my Grandad is there in the bed beside her. Or she has dreams that she needs to make food for him and she doesn’t know how she’ll manage.
She’s pretty depressed although she is on antidepressants, they don’t seem to do much.
I think she misses my Grandad a lot.
My Dad and I used to take Gran out but that stopped because of the pandemic and now she seems too anxious to leave the house. She’s always worried she might need the bathroom and won’t be able to get there in time. Or worried that she’ll fall.
She has very little confidence to do anything on her own. She seems to expect everyone else to make her happy.
This isn’t so much a question I guess as me thinking out loud. I’m sad that my Gran feels this way and it feels like there’s nothing I can do to help her.
I also get frustrated that she depends on everyone else to provide entertainment for her. She has a phone, a tablet, Netflix, Sky tv. She gets books on CD delivered by the library. Nothing seems like enough. Maybe it is bad depression. We are arranging for the GP to go and see her and possibly increase or change her medicine.
So sorry for the long message.
My Dad isn’t close to his mum and although he is very good at arranging care for her he is very detached emotionally so speaking to him is pointless. She seems to dominate my thoughts to the point that I feel like I’m not living my own life because I am worrying about her.
If anyone has any words of advice I’d love to hear from you. Thank you xx
For the 4 years prior to that my Grandad, her husband, was in a care home with dementia.
Gran keeps pretty well, she is in assisted living and has carers go in and help her twice a day. My Dad (her son) and I visit her once a week to get shopping for her, do some cleaning etc. (on separate days).
I work full time but I don’t have a car and she lives about 20 miles from me, otherwise I would visit more. Dad is retired.
I have 3 siblings that also live nearby but for some reason Gran isn’t interested in seeing them (strange). I lived with her and Grandad between age 11 and 18 so I think she sees me more as a daughter.
Lately Gran has been saying she’s waking up thinking my Grandad is there in the bed beside her. Or she has dreams that she needs to make food for him and she doesn’t know how she’ll manage.
She’s pretty depressed although she is on antidepressants, they don’t seem to do much.
I think she misses my Grandad a lot.
My Dad and I used to take Gran out but that stopped because of the pandemic and now she seems too anxious to leave the house. She’s always worried she might need the bathroom and won’t be able to get there in time. Or worried that she’ll fall.
She has very little confidence to do anything on her own. She seems to expect everyone else to make her happy.
This isn’t so much a question I guess as me thinking out loud. I’m sad that my Gran feels this way and it feels like there’s nothing I can do to help her.
I also get frustrated that she depends on everyone else to provide entertainment for her. She has a phone, a tablet, Netflix, Sky tv. She gets books on CD delivered by the library. Nothing seems like enough. Maybe it is bad depression. We are arranging for the GP to go and see her and possibly increase or change her medicine.
So sorry for the long message.
My Dad isn’t close to his mum and although he is very good at arranging care for her he is very detached emotionally so speaking to him is pointless. She seems to dominate my thoughts to the point that I feel like I’m not living my own life because I am worrying about her.
If anyone has any words of advice I’d love to hear from you. Thank you xx
