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Everyone is suicidal - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Everyone is suicidal

A place for those 18-35 to chat about all things caring.
Melina,

Following on from BB's post, you might find this thread helpful

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... mood-12505

Melly1
Hi Melina,

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all this and I am so sorry that you haven’t received any support from social care or mental health services. Sadly as someone said on here it’s those who shout loud enough that sometimes get the support but please contact your mental health services and social care again and be quite firm with them that you are struggling.

Would you mind telling me how old you are and which area you live in? I can then post some links and offer some advice Re your mental health. I better add that I am a children’s mental health practitioner and quite worried about you.

Sue
bowlingbun wrote:
Tue Oct 05, 2021 4:41 am
We all understand that it's tough being a long term carer. Non carers haven't got a clue.
It's very tough being disabled, unable to do any of the things we used to.
Try to find moments of pleasure every day to lighten your mood. I love watching my plants grow, and enjoy sewing. Even just taking a few moments outside watching the clouds can be calming.
I'm so sorry I just got this comment. Thank you. I'm really trying but I've lost so much passion and not for things. Nothing brings me joy. But I will try. Thank yiu. You have always been so kind and helpful l. I hope you are well ? And that one day I can be of help.
Susan_210612 wrote:
Sat Oct 09, 2021 8:59 pm
Hi Melina,

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all this and I am so sorry that you haven’t received any support from social care or mental health services. Sadly as someone said on here it’s those who shout loud enough that sometimes get the support but please contact your mental health services and social care again and be quite firm with them that you are struggling.

Would you mind telling me how old you are and which area you live in? I can then post some links and offer some advice Re your mental health. I better add that I am a children’s mental health practitioner and quite worried about you.

Sue
Hello thank you for replying and being so kind. I understand I will phone and ask this week. Mental health is not good and I've been drinking a lot and went back to self harm. I'm really trying but it's hard. I'm 29 and I love in hounslow. Thank you please take care.
Melly1 wrote:
Tue Oct 05, 2021 10:26 am
Melina,

Following on from BB's post, you might find this thread helpful

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... mood-12505

Melly1
Thank you Very much. You are always so kind to me. Thank you . I really do appreciate this. I apologise for the delay.
I was conditioned from an early age never to put myself first, but to always put others first - because that suited everyone else!

The sad truth is that if you don't put yourself first, your own mental and physical health, your goals in life, your dreams, no one else will - because they are putting their OWN wellbeing first!
If they run you down and mentally trample on you until you have no self respect, you will stay at home with them.
If they can't be bothered to cook their food or clean up, then you will do it for them, and so on.
Try to look at what is going on in your household in a new light.
If your brother has a boil on his bum, then he has to grow up and sort it out for himself. Have no pity for him, he has to get OFF his painful backside and take action to improve the situation, or deal with the consequences. It's not your problem to sort out, so don't. Keep reminding him it's his bum, he either does something or suffers. His choice.

Mum has very serious physical and mental health problems, not of her making.
You say that you have asked for help from Social Services. Are you currently getting ANY help at all?
Is mum managing her own money, wisely?
Does she have a pendant alarm so you can to out of the house without worrying about her?
Does she go out to any disabled clubs to meet others?
Does she have a mobility scooter?
Has the home been adapted so she can have a bath and do as much as possible for herself?


Can she, to use simple language, "think straight" or is she very muddled and easily forgetful?
My son was brain damaged at birth, he has aphasia too, some days his brain works better than others. I used to think that he was just being difficult, until an older friend, brain damaged as the result of an accident, said that this happened to him too.

When did mum last have a holiday?
When did you last have a holiday?
I suspect you have become a "Clapped Out Carer". you've done so much for so long for so many there isn't any energy left for anyone?
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon Oct 11, 2021 8:47 am
I was conditioned from an early age never to put myself first, but to always put others first - because that suited everyone else!

The sad truth is that if you don't put yourself first, your own mental and physical health, your goals in life, your dreams, no one else will - because they are putting their OWN wellbeing first!
If they run you down and mentally trample on you until you have no self respect, you will stay at home with them.
If they can't be bothered to cook their food or clean up, then you will do it for them, and so on.
Try to look at what is going on in your household in a new light.
If your brother has a boil on his bum, then he has to grow up and sort it out for himself. Have no pity for him, he has to get OFF his painful backside and take action to improve the situation, or deal with the consequences. It's not your problem to sort out, so don't. Keep reminding him it's his bum, he either does something or suffers. His choice.

Mum has very serious physical and mental health problems, not of her making.
You say that you have asked for help from Social Services. Are you currently getting ANY help at all?
Is mum managing her own money, wisely?
Does she have a pendant alarm so you can to out of the house without worrying about her?
Does she go out to any disabled clubs to meet others?
Does she have a mobility scooter?
Has the home been adapted so she can have a bath and do as much as possible for herself?


Can she, to use simple language, "think straight" or is she very muddled and easily forgetful?
My son was brain damaged at birth, he has aphasia too, some days his brain works better than others. I used to think that he was just being difficult, until an older friend, brain damaged as the result of an accident, said that this happened to him too.

When did mum last have a holiday?
When did you last have a holiday?
I suspect you have become a "Clapped Out Carer". you've done so much for so long for so many there isn't any energy left for anyone?
I appreciate this. And I think I could of done reading this 9 or 8 years ago. But it's too late. I'm tired, I've changed as a person . Mental health is in tatters and my body has been neglected and abused. At this point I don't even care about living life to the fullest. I just want peace and ease at this point. I really appreciate that. My mum had to take care of he siblings and then she had to take care of my at a young age. You are right if you are not selfish everything goes into decline. I ready wish mum was more selfish. I don't think she would of got sick so young.


Yes we for my brother I can only do so much. His boil was in his armpit I'm sorry if I said bum. He said he's handling it and he's feeling better. But I get it we all have neglected ourselves. So I cannot judge him. He's had it hard I would say harder then me. He was 11 when mum had her stroke.

At the moment still awaiting to hear from social services. I'm gonna email and call them. No we are not getting any help at all never have. I handle the finances but I'm terrible at it unfortunately I'm terrible at everything.

Yes she does have a pendant alarm.
No mum doesn't go to any clubs. My hasn't left them house to socialise with people in 9 years. She may see her mum and dad. But that's it.
No she has no mobility scooter
The house has been adapted but it needs more adaptations.
My mum has a good memory she can be forgetful sometimes.

My mum has never had a holiday. She's 52 and has never had a holiday. I've never had a holiday either. Yes I'm tired. But it's more the unrelenting stress and problems health issues and money problems then actually caring. I'm tired of seeing my mum sick.
Life is so harsh and cruel.

I also would like to say thank younger your kindness and empathy. I hope you are ok. Reading your responses you have been through alot. I hope you and your son are doing ok ?
Thanks, we are pretty good now. We had a terrible few years with so many loved ones, my parents, my in laws, my husband and sister in law all dying. Then I had cancer, found my husband dead in bed, and then had a head on smash that nearly killed me in under 2 years!
Were you never involved with Young Carers after mum had her stroke?
I'll give you a few ideas for you to get help and a holiday tomorrow, I'm still recovering from my tooth issues last week, so it's time for an early night.
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon Oct 11, 2021 8:36 pm
Thanks, we are pretty good now. We had a terrible few years with so many loved ones, my parents, my in laws, my husband and sister in law all dying. Then I had cancer, found my husband dead in bed, and then had a head on smash that nearly killed me in under 2 years!
Were you never involved with Young Carers after mum had her stroke?
I'll give you a few ideas for you to get help and a holiday tomorrow, I'm still recovering from my tooth issues last week, so it's time for an early night.
Firstly thank you for replying. I'm glad you and your son are doing well now. I would like to send my sincere condolences to you and your loved onew. I have no idea how you kept going. How did you cope ? The fact you have been through so much and get you come on here to help others is so kind and generous. Thank you so much. For the help you have given me and others. Life can be so harsh I don't understand.
And I hope you get better with your tooth hopefully recovery will be swift. Please look after yourself.