Re: Emotionally abused
Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2020 6:42 pm
Hi all,
I came on to this thread in the hope I could find someone who is going through something similar to myself, It seems im getting off lightly! Although I do have some freedom I feel the person I provide care for (my mum) feels very strongly that I'm not entitled to that. Its just us two and my disabled brother so I have no support of family we don't really have any. All I have (luckily) is my job which I love but she's insisting that I need to quit and I am selfish for keeping my job and not dedicating 100% of my time to her. I've tried to explain to her the emotional and financial implications that's resigning from my job would have on my life but she thinks I'm not entitled to feel this way and then plays the victim card or calls herself a burden to guilt trip me. I've never treated her that way. To treat her cancer she has had an operation that has left her permanently unable to talk. I can't imagine how awful it must be for her and I'm always compassionate and empathetic but she is very demanding, and thinks because she's got cancer and this new disabilty that she can't talk anymore that anything i feel I doesn't matter. I attend every single one of her hospital appointments with her and have been so supportive since her diagnosis this time last year. I took 6 months off work without pay to help her in her recovery during treatment (she's a lot better now and cancer is improving she just has the disabiliy now ) and I returned to work in June. Any time I have anything to say she shuts me down and says I don't have a right to be upset only she does. I never see my friends anymore or talk to anyone and if I do she will say nasty things when I come back such as my friends are just using me for money, or they don't even like me. I have had to give up any extra activities I used to do for example the gym or going to see friends. If she is nice enough to not complain about this and not guilt trip me for going out then I will be on a time limit, so if I went out at 11am if I was any later than 3pm she would ask why I needed to be out that long for. If I pick up my phone she will complain or ask who I'm speaking to. If I don't do a task quick enough for her or to her standards she will get stressed and complain and usually calls me names. Alot of the time this is slightly alcohol fulled. I have asked her to talk to someone, I offer to go with her but she says she doesnt need help and that if i cared about her more that would solve the problem. Shes says often that im to blame for her cancer and the state she's in and she would have rather refused treatment and died. Because she had the operation and treatment (for me and only me apparently) that I owe her the rest if my life. Physically she is capable of doing most things on her own she's just lonely and struggles with communication and is embarrassed by her disability and feels vulnerable now. As much as I have empathy for her and I have tried to support her I don't understand why I should have to give up my career my friends and my entire life for her. My 7 year relationship has recently broke down too mainly because my ex's parents were too controlling of him and were nasty to me and although she appeared to show some compassion towards me for this she seems secretly happy that she's one step closer to having me all to herself. I'm certain I won't meet someone because of her as I cant even go to work without her getting angry or upset never mind meet a new partner. I'm only 26.
All.my days off work she has planned out for me could be cleaning or decorating or shopping. I never get a day off. I'm exhausted and feel absolutely hopeless. She refuses help from anyone besides me and walking away isn't an option.
I came on to this thread in the hope I could find someone who is going through something similar to myself, It seems im getting off lightly! Although I do have some freedom I feel the person I provide care for (my mum) feels very strongly that I'm not entitled to that. Its just us two and my disabled brother so I have no support of family we don't really have any. All I have (luckily) is my job which I love but she's insisting that I need to quit and I am selfish for keeping my job and not dedicating 100% of my time to her. I've tried to explain to her the emotional and financial implications that's resigning from my job would have on my life but she thinks I'm not entitled to feel this way and then plays the victim card or calls herself a burden to guilt trip me. I've never treated her that way. To treat her cancer she has had an operation that has left her permanently unable to talk. I can't imagine how awful it must be for her and I'm always compassionate and empathetic but she is very demanding, and thinks because she's got cancer and this new disabilty that she can't talk anymore that anything i feel I doesn't matter. I attend every single one of her hospital appointments with her and have been so supportive since her diagnosis this time last year. I took 6 months off work without pay to help her in her recovery during treatment (she's a lot better now and cancer is improving she just has the disabiliy now ) and I returned to work in June. Any time I have anything to say she shuts me down and says I don't have a right to be upset only she does. I never see my friends anymore or talk to anyone and if I do she will say nasty things when I come back such as my friends are just using me for money, or they don't even like me. I have had to give up any extra activities I used to do for example the gym or going to see friends. If she is nice enough to not complain about this and not guilt trip me for going out then I will be on a time limit, so if I went out at 11am if I was any later than 3pm she would ask why I needed to be out that long for. If I pick up my phone she will complain or ask who I'm speaking to. If I don't do a task quick enough for her or to her standards she will get stressed and complain and usually calls me names. Alot of the time this is slightly alcohol fulled. I have asked her to talk to someone, I offer to go with her but she says she doesnt need help and that if i cared about her more that would solve the problem. Shes says often that im to blame for her cancer and the state she's in and she would have rather refused treatment and died. Because she had the operation and treatment (for me and only me apparently) that I owe her the rest if my life. Physically she is capable of doing most things on her own she's just lonely and struggles with communication and is embarrassed by her disability and feels vulnerable now. As much as I have empathy for her and I have tried to support her I don't understand why I should have to give up my career my friends and my entire life for her. My 7 year relationship has recently broke down too mainly because my ex's parents were too controlling of him and were nasty to me and although she appeared to show some compassion towards me for this she seems secretly happy that she's one step closer to having me all to herself. I'm certain I won't meet someone because of her as I cant even go to work without her getting angry or upset never mind meet a new partner. I'm only 26.
All.my days off work she has planned out for me could be cleaning or decorating or shopping. I never get a day off. I'm exhausted and feel absolutely hopeless. She refuses help from anyone besides me and walking away isn't an option.