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Emotionally abused - Carers UK Forum

Emotionally abused

A place for those 18-35 to chat about all things caring.
I care for my Dad who has multiple conditions including mental and physical. My whole life he has mentally abused me and it hasn't stopped. I will cough and it is apparently an argument. He has threatened me with violence but has never acted on it.

Putting him in a home is not an option. Getting another carer is not an option. Asking family for help is not an option. Not because I won't, I literally do not have those options.

I have given up everything. I will never have a family because of him. I will never meet anyone because of him. I will never get work again because of him. I am spiralling and if it wasn't for my dog, I would be dead. I get no thanks. I am not allowed to sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. I am not allowed visitors. I badly fell and he wouldn't allow me to go to hospital to get stitches. I now have a hideous scar on my leg because of it. I need help.
Hello Sakura. I am sorry to hear about your problems. A little more information would help.

  • How old is your dad?
  • What are his physical and mental conditions?
  • How old is he?
  • How old are you?
  • Are you living with him?
  • Does he own the house or rent it?
  • Do you have other family?
  • Why do you think you have no options?
  • What type of work did you do and why did you need to give it up?
  • How did he prevent you from going to hospital for treatment?
It sounds as though he is a sick man. The only power he has over you is the power you let him have. It sounds as though you need to take the bull by the horns and take charge him, not let him rule you. This is more easily said than done, of course. Give us a bit more information and we'll see how we can help.
Sakura, are you a prisoner?
Your name suggests that dad may not originally be from the UK and does not understand that his behaviour is completely unacceptable. Tell us more, especially the nature of dad's health issues. and we can help you.
Controlling behaviour is when one person expects, compels, or requires others to cater to their own needs — even at others' expense. The controlling person targets an individual and dominates them in an unhealthy, self-serving manner.

https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/c ... lationship

Some signs of controlling parents are:

Your parents manage your responsibilities. ...
Your parents always have an opinion on you. ...
Your parents lack kindness or empathy. ...
Your parents don't give you privacy. ...
Your parents are manipulative. ...
Your parents make you feel obligated. ...
Your parents dominate you.

You have a right to your own life.
Hello Sakura, welcome to the forum

We have contacted you with a private message. Please click on 'private messages' at the top right of your screen to see it.

With good wishes

Jane
First thing I took away from your original post was that is domestic abuse.

He does not have to had been physically violent with you, the threat of use of violence is sufficient.

I hope you are able to get some actual help with your situation. You should not be living this way.
I know it has been a while since I posted but I wanted to come back and thank everyone for their input.

To answer a few questions, he has mental as well as physical issues which affects his ability to cope with strangers so getting in another carer putting him in a home would put a page amount of stress on his heart. There is no one else. Just him and me.

He refused to let me go to hospital because I would be leaving him on his own for hours. When I fell, I did so in front of a witness who tried to bang on my door many times to get him to come out and he continued to watch TV. It took a long time to heal but it has never been right.

I have taken to recording his rants due to his latest behaviour of loudly accusing me of trying to upset him on purpose. Just in case something was to happen.

Unfortunately, a neighbor heard him one night and called the police. They came and separated us to talk. I explained his illness and they seemed satisfied and left but he blames me for them turning up and claims it was because of my abuse of him that night (He hears voices and thinks people are shouting at him) which is why I have taken to recording him

I know it is not the real him and it is the paranoia brought on by his multiple illnesses but I need to be able to sleep. I now suffer from nausea daily brought on by tiredness and I throw up at lot. I have tried to explain that I need sleep but he will either wake me randomly during the night to make him drinks or he will complain that I am ignoring him.

The mental health team where I live have done nothing. They basically saw him twice and then stopped talking to us completely. I tried to get him to join a local group so he could get out more but he refused.

All I want is a full night's sleep, a day with no shouting, and be able to look after him without being told everything I do wrong.

Sorry but I just wanted to unload. This time of year is very stressful. Thank you for listening
Sakura, your situation is terrible, possibly one of the worst I have ever read about here.
Your dad has no right whatsoever to treat you like this, his personal slave.
I am very worried for your personal safety.
Sakura I am so pleased you have returned to the forum and updated us.

It's very positive that you have taken to recording the incidents. This is a positive step of you taking back some control. I'm glad the neighbour was able to intervene. It would be a good idea if you could arrange a code system with your neighbour. Should you feel in danger one your Dad would not know.

Additionally, ...

https://news.sky.com/story/silent-999-c ... y-11687524

Do you know how to get help from 999 if you're in a life or death situation but cannot speak?
Sakura,
How are you today? You have lots of people here concerned for your safety.
I know your dad wants to control every move you make, but he cannot be allowed to continue to keep you a captive.
I was horrified when I read about your leg and he wouldn't even let you get it stitched.
That is not a father who loves you, it is the action of a tyrant.

How can we help you?