Fiance is in a full mental health crisis need new ideas!!!!!

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
Face facts. She is NOT going to have a pain free birth without pain relief just because that'swhat she wants. It hurts.
Every day she stays in bed is going to make her labour worse. You need to be supporting her to get physically as fit as possible and mentally strong to face the ordeal she is about to face. I remember the midwife saying to me when I was having my first baby that I was about to work harder than I've ever worked before. It is YOUR responsibility to help her prepare and support her through this.
she isnt on bed rest by choice. its by hospital orders. she doesn't want a "Pain free birth" she wants no medical interference there is a huge difference. I think this site and the people on it really need to understand that they are talking about a human being with very real founded fears. You act like you know why she doesnt want to be mauled around by strangers, when in fact you dont. I wish i could tell you to make you understand but it;s not my place to talk about her past. I actually cant believe some of you. You are talking about a very scared, mentally ill woman that has spent every day of the last few months ensuring that she is practising calming techniques and natural birth techniques so that she can do her best when it comes to giving birth. Who exactly decided that medication and hospitals are the only way to go?? lots of women dont want assisted deliveries so why does making that choice make my fiance such a bad person? My fiance is a fully trained childcare professional, she holds multiple degrees in education psychology and is qualified to work with children from birth up. she is not some idiot that couldnt tell one end of a baby from the other. she also isnt the kind of person that would sit behind a keyboard judging others. If you dont have anything constructive to say then maybe you should just stop. If you cant provide anything kind to me and my fiance then you arent going to be helpful. Please kindly stop. By all means offer your advice to others but don't talk to me. We clearly have very different approaches to caring for people and thats fine but i am not looking for the continued upset and annoyance your comments are causing.
David, alas, I fear you are right. You are stuck in your mindset, and that is that. If your fiancé really refuses to accept that for once SHE is not the centre of attention, but her baby is, and you both continue to crave some non-existent magic wand for extracting a baby, then nothing either myself or BB can get through to you.

She may well be a 'scared, mentally ill woman' but she's one that is about to become a mother BY HER OWN CHOICE, and she has to put her baby first.

By 'kind' you seem to want just more endless sympathy, and since we are not 'on message' with that, it really is pointless us saying anything else to you.

As I say, everyone medical seems to be already bending over backwards to cater for your fiancé's sensibilities and neuroses, and what more do you want? You are just two people in a busy, crowded world, and endless fuss cannot be made of you, however much you may think you require it.

The bottom line remains that since you've both decided to become parents, that means you no longer come first. That may come as a bit of a shock to you both, but there it is.

I continue to wish you well, and I wouldn't wish your predicament on anyone, but the situation of being impending parents is of your own making. To my mind, only if your fiancée finds the courage to face what is coming (ie, labour), and accept, too, that whatever her birth plan says, that, grimly, it may all go totally awry (mine did), and that if an emergency C-section is required, well, that is what HAS to happen.

Labour is one day of her life (two at the most) - many of us had appalling labours, but we had healthy children (though not always, as some members of this forum can testify) - but above all we put our children first. Not our sensibilities, neuroses or desires.

Those who endlessly want sympathy in the end risk alienating the very people who wish them well.

Now, if you think your fiancée is already showing the courage she's going to need to be a mother, then great....but there really is, in this sad bad world, only so much support to go round. Now is the time for her to grow up, and be worthy of being the mother she has chosen to be.

If you think my words 'unkind' then it is simply because no one ever seems to have said anything similar to you, and to be honest, I don't think that has helped you in your struggle to make a normal, happy life for yourselves.

Now, the mods may well delete this post as too 'brutal' but really, someone has to spell out reality to you......
so again you state that she is bad person because she doesnt want a medical assisted birth?
Also i want to state that due to my fiances mental health issues being social anxiety, she would hate to be the centre of attention. so that really is a joke
so i checked elsewhere and managed to find proof that even if my fiances life and our babies life is at risk the doctors are NOT allowed to do anything with her consent. so saying a c-section would have to happen is actually not fact
David. I'm very sad about your problems. My daughter was born 10weeks early and it was a very worrying time. 48 years ago.
I don't actually read BBs and Jenny's posts as saying your girlfriend is a bad person? Sometimes txts emails and posts read harsher than what are meant. Both of these ladies have lots of life experiences ( as I do) so please try to read the advice as it is meant. As in trying to help you and your girlfriend. The forum is non judgemental, and I believe the moderators delete any posts that are inappropriate. We do all feel for you both. Baby too.
David, you really don't have any real experience of child birth, I do.
Wait until you have seen your wife in labour and you will realise why it's called "labour".
Everyone would love the perfect labour, but it seldom happens. When your wife is crying out in pain, what are you going to do? If the baby runs the risk of dying because of your views, what are you going to do then? Let one or other die because of your principles? Lots of women used to DIE in childbirth not so many years ago. It's not just a case of mind over matter.
You asked for help. We have given you the honest truth, clearly not what you wanted to hear, but the truth nevertheless. You'll find out in a few weeks.
we have decided that if the baby or my fiance is in danger whilst in labour it will not change our views. she will not accept a c-section, canula, needles or assisted delivery. she is well within her right to decide that and i support her, as it is her body.
I believe that if you decide to make a new life, then the well being of that child is your responsibility. As the mother of a child who was brain damaged at birth due to medical staff who did not realise what was happening, I know how difficult and heartbreaking brain damage can be. My son has the mental age of a 3 year old. He is 38 years old.
I would urge you to put the wellbeing of your unborn child first WHATEVER IT TAKES.