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what advice would you give? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

what advice would you give?

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
I would say look into info to boost your immune system, e.g. antioxidants. You need to be healthy - caring can easily run you down.

Cultivate interests that can be carried out at home, e.g. reading, cooking, gardening. If you have a p.c. (or can access one at a library), join this website and interact!!!

You'll really need to develop your sense of humour too (to stay afloat); indulge daily, i.e. seek out what amuses you (be it a radio programme, tv, or finding the funny side to the ridiculous).

Treat the person as you would like to be treated (put yourself in their position).

Don't beat yourself up over any shortcomings. Often I feel bad if I have been less than perfect in my mother's company. Make a mental note to try extra hard next time and do so!
it all depends on the person- some people u know shouldnt even have a pet let alone a child and certainly shouldnt b a carer
but as a mum and becomming a mum and carer at a rather youngish age Id say do it-
the cold winters, the goign with out food for the girls, and the guilt when u do get yourself something- its worth it when the person u care for does something u where told they never would

when matt came off his bike and his short term memory was shot to bits and he was in plastercasts- i just got on with it- helping he wipe his bum, bathing him, washing his hair. for no other reason than love and i managed to keep it dignified for him and id do it again for him, for the friendship we now have which is priceless

id say - if u know wot u r getting in to then go for it, if u can go with out so the person u r caring for can have and wont feel resentful and if u dont mind wearing cardigans and a dressing gown at the same time to keep warm- do it
I'd say this:

"Here are the urls for several carers websites. Have a look, have a think, pray or meditate about it if needed, then sleep on it. If you want to give it a go, that's fine. If you honestly know that you can't handle being a carer, that's fine.

It's no less loving to put your relative into the hands of somebody who chooses to be a properly trained careworker or nurse, than it is to get a qualified dentist to fix your child's teeth. Good luck, whatever you decide to do - either way it's likely to be a rough ride."

I'd also hand them a copy of "The Selfish Pig's Guide to Caring" by Hugh Marriott.
I would say

'The life you thought you had is now over. A new one is just about to begin. Be careful, you might not like it, but you might find out some things about yourself that will surprise you.
I'd also hand them a copy of "The Selfish Pig's Guide to Caring" by Hugh Marriott.
Good book, I'm reading it now. (not right this minute obviously)
I was reading these posts and just thought what I would write. The Selfish Pig's Guide came to mind right away, and then I read on and saw that it had already been suggested Image

I'd also probably urge people to start asking for everything they're entitled to. Their caring situation could get more intense even if it's just the realisation of what their life will now be like, so the earlier they start the better.

The best bit of advice I try to give to all carers and I can't stress this enough is]You know your caree and situation the best, never ever, let anyone try to persuade you otherwise in any way, shape, or form[/size]
Funnily enough, all my experience has been the other way. I see caring as a partnership, and realising my own mortality and knowing that one day I wont be around any more, I am always open to suggestions from people with my child's interest at heart. The result has been that we have received superb support, and services have been offered that I never knew existed. If we are always resistant to change and new ideas, then we will be bypassed. Partnership - all the way!
My advice to anyone considering becoming a carer is just that, consider it. Seriously think about it because apart from loving the person, I never gave it deep thought because the person was discharged from hospital during a visit, this was in the 1980's, was told they would be going home and that was that - I became a carer. I had worked for 15 years, knew absolutely nothing about benefits-there was no carers allowance then, and lived on my savings. It was a baptism of fire which lasted almost 16 years!

Also, think about your relationship with this person. Not all relationships are good and becoming a carer for someone with whom you have a rocky relaionship is no foundation for harmony! With hindsight, I should have thought about myself, which I never took into consideration. Think about your health too, both physically and mentally. Money is a big consideration. What about future employment?

Hope this helps someone.

Noddy
I don't really think for most people it is a matter of choice we become carers because we love / feel responsible for the individual(s). Some can of course but most can not abandon thier spouses / children / parents / friends.

If I meet myself at the age of £$£ well lets say 35 years ago. I would say to myself "STOP yes she is an attractive young lady, and I know you think you are in love, but in 5 years time everything will change and believe me after 3 decades of caring and facing an impoverished retirement when there will be no enjoying golden years because the caring is just going to get worse, and the support will dissapear at a time when you are physically less able, you will live to regret it."

Would I have listened to myself? Almost certainly not.

All of the advice given above is relevant but in many ways this is not a crusade its just life and as with everything there will be those who help and those who obstruct, thank those who help and work round those who obstruct.
When our loved ones have things go worng with them ,, it could so easliy be ourselves and then the tables are turned and we would be relying on them. I became a carer in 2008 when hubby had a quadruple heart bypass and was never the same since,, I didnt get any help or know anything of what to expect and it changed my hubby. He became a different person. Since he heart op hes undergone various other ops and had several strokes,, the last one being this april and its left him in a poor state where his mobility is very poor, and other things going on with him, mental health included but its all down to the stroke leaving him like this. At least now we know why he had changed and now he accepts what is going wrong with him. Having to sort out all the benefits too was a struggle but at last I got there and its all been sorted now. Life is hard for a carer as we dont think of ourselves as we often think our charges are more important,, but we are as if we are not able to cope then they suffer. The stroke team who are looking after my hubby ask me when he goes for check ups if I am ok as well,,, what do they expect me to say?? I do what I do as I love my hubby but at 54 he didnt expect his working life to end in early retirement,,, we expected him to go on and us both enjoy the latter years of our lives going on trips like we see on them stupid adverts. Life is never easy for people who have things like us to do. Not that we object ,,, we just get on and do it.
If I meet myself at the age of £$£ well lets say 35 years ago. I would say to myself "STOP yes she is an attractive young lady, and I know you think you are in love, but in 5 years time everything will change
How true. And yet, whilst my Dad used to say: " Five minutes of pleasure isn't worth a lifetime of regret" : I can't help feeling that if we never were willing to take a risk, then humankind would have died out long ago. Hugh Heffner has had more than his fair share of pleasure over the years, but I gather his latest fiancee has just walked out: I would rather be me than him: he faces an unenviable old age as a sad Lothario who never knew how to accept aging with grace.