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Vulnerable narcissism - Carers UK Forum

Vulnerable narcissism

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
Has anyone ever heard of this?

In an attempt to understand my Mum better, I have been reading all kinds of stuff and came across this terminology. When I read it, I gulped because it appeared to describe my Mum's behaviour towards me pretty accurately.

On talking to two of my cousins recently they have described their mothers (two of my Mum's sisters) in exactly the same way as I have described mine. They both have similarly very unhealthy relationships with their mothers. I do wonder if its something about their upbringing that has made them this way. They are from an extremely poor Catholic family of ten - my Mum was the youngest and her Mum was 48yrs when she had her. She in turn was born in the workhouse in Liverpool to an unmarried Mother. I just can't help wondering if any of my Mum's dreadful ways of thinking and behaving might have more significant base roots than just thinking she may have dementia??

What I can't quite work out is that she is not always like this to other people - I am definitely the family punch bag.

Any thoughts anyone?
Hi Helen ... V. N. ?

Not until I did an Internet search :

https://www.depressionalliance.org/vuln ... arcissism/

Depression Alliance ... seems to fit the bill ... at least a full sp on vulnerable narcissism.

As for supporting organisations , MIND immediately springs to mind ... no pun intended.


Not much but ... every little bit helps ?

https://www.mind.org.uk/search-results? ... arcissism.

I hope the above assists ?
Hi CHris

Thank you for this. I will read up about this more where you have suggested - but I really think I am onto something here.

Your welcome.

Rare ... even with Internet searches.
I've never heard of VN before (N, yes, not the VN), but in a way, I guess, charitably, all narcissists are 'vulnerable' in that, from I understand, it tends to emerge in those who have what are now called abandonment issues.....they have learnt at an early stage that 'no body cares about them' (ie, they have been emotionally abandoned, and sometimes practically as well) (even if the abandonment was 'death', ie, not culpable), so they care 'excessively' for themselves.....

It can appear as SUCH an 'unpleasant' disorder (!), but if we can fight past the horrible egoism and selfishness, to WHY they are like that, we can perhaps be more tolerant?? Although, of course, maybe some naricisists are just highly selfish people! (though 'why' may be vague - some may be psychopaths, but not all, surely???)

Being the family punchbag may be different, though - I'm old enough to remember when RD Laing was fashionable, and he said that a family 'casts' one of their members to be the punchbag, the victim, the 'wrong one' etc etc, and it is VERY difficult for that power structure to be disrupted.

Why do you think you are punchbag? Any gueses do you think?? I would warn you that if there is a 'golden girl/boy' in the family they have probably been selected by the narcissistic parent because they are the child MOST like the narcissist! They remind them of themselves....