Transition from hospital to nursing home

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
I remember the sheer panic in the first weeks of hubby being in the nursing home. Was going to take him home, find another home......then as he settled which in his case too a long time, and I saw his clothes coming back from the laundry, sometimes days after, not to my standard but ok, saw he was actually being looked after, could see the staff were getting to know him, I began to feel differently. It does take time, and I had to give it to the staff, and myself. Now, the staff seem rather fond of him,. He has his moments of aggression, the nature of his illness, sadly.
Allow yourself time to get to know the staff, the way they work, and equally allow yourself time. It's important.
What is bothering me is that there seem to be no concrete responses to my questions.

No my mum hasn't settled into her room. They also have these 'protected mealtimes' when we are not supposed to visit. When I was shown the home it was on another floor with which had a big table and differently set out lounge. Where my mum, apart from a small table for 3 people who can walk to it, everyone is served meals on small little tables in front of them. They also show awful programmes on the tv, Michael Jackson concert - presumably for the benefit of the carers rather than the residents.

The missing clothes.laundry I an accept but the fluffy blanket went missing on Sat and they 'found' it in the hairdressers room, on Sunday it was missing completely (in the laundry). Also an additional pillow I've brought has gone missing.

If I change homes, surely it might be better sooner rather than later as she will have another change then. There is also my peace of mind, I've hardly slept all night worrying.
I suggest you have a chat with the Manager. ASAP.
If I've got the timeline right Mum was moved on Friday which is not a good day for a discharge, but hopsitals do it becuase of bed pressures. It means Mum arrived over weekend and only now will the Home be starting into its regular weekday routine.
Ask about why she has been put on this floor and why the individual feeding, ask a bout the possessions and everything else that is worrying you. An experienced Manager will recognise your concern as a loving daughter.
You need to start talking with them as its no good just having it going round in your head.

There will be many staff involved with Mum and it will take time for them to get to know her and her needs. So it's not surprising there are 'no concrete answers'

We did have someone on here once who moved their caree from an unaatisfactory home after a few short weeks. We have many more whose carees have settled and are well looked after. By all means look into alternatives, but make no decisions yet. Fully settling took my Mum several months, if not a year and she had made the decision herself and was mobile and well at the time.

Do let us know how the chat with the Manager goes

I moved my MIl into her second care home at EXTREMELY short notice (I was given a WEEK to find a place and move her!) (It was because the first care home was completely 'insecure' and MIL had tried to escape, and was found on the pavement at 7am - the home paniced!)(understandably, but it was an incredibly difficult situation for me, to suddenly find another home).

So I moved her into the next care home, which had a vacancy, but as soon as she arrived she hated it (well, she hated everywhere, sigh) and to be honest it was a bit 'grim' for me anyway. I immediately continued my search and found a much nicer one a few miles away, which had a vacancy, so booked it on the spot (well, had to take MIL there to be assessed for how bad her dementia was).

Luckily, because I hadn't yet signed the contract at the 'emergency home', and because it was in the process of being sold, so they weren't that fussy, the old owners, about what the new owners would be landed with, I simply paid for the time she'd been there (about a fortnight if I recall correctly) and moved her straight to the 'nicer' home.

All this was pretty straightforward because she was self-paying, so no LA involvement.

(Sadly, she is now 'back' in the 'emergency' home after only a year at the 'nice' one as it, too, is not fully secure, and they got fed up of having to keep stopping her wandering off and escaping. So she had to go back to the 'emergency' one which had a 'secure unit'. Pretty 'grim' but the 'blessing' was that by then her dementia was such that she really didn't notice anything at all about where she was - ironically, she hadn't even noticed how 'nice' the 'nice' home was, with lovely views!)(the latest is she is out of the 'secure' unit, and up with the far more open and pleasnant one, as she is incapable of walking and so can't escape any more....or even know anything much about anything at all really, sigh....)

So, I guess the message is, if you haven't signed a contract yet, and even if you have you should be able to give one months' notice, and if it's your mum's own money, you can move whenever you like. More complicated if she's LA funded I would suspect - and probably slower????
My mum has been assessed as having a primary health need and is NHS funded for 3 months and then will be reassessed.

I haven't signed anything so will the months notice apply in this case?

I have spoke with the deputy manager yesterday and today. Miraculousy all belongings appeared today, Other aspects are not good though. I have taken photos of my mums legs and told the deputy manager that I am not going to go away. I think they will be glad if and when my mum does move.

My mum is lashing out at times and the staff are finding it hard to cope with her.. She is obviously anxious and they don't know how to deal with her despite the assessment and assurance that they could.

I also tried to call the NHS Mental health nurse who is coordinating her package but no reply. I wonder if she sees my number and is avoiding me!

This has really been worse than I could have anticipated. I thought nursing homes (and it says so in the blurb) are supposed to have specialist skills but I am not seeing this I so wish I could just scoop my mum up and bring her home.
If mum is funded by the NHS they you must insist that they sort it out, either by making sure the care is up to scratch or getting a new home. Is it a NURSING home or an EMI (Elderly Mentally Infirm) home? If they can't cope with her behaviour now then it is unlikely to be a suitable long term home for her anyhow.
Just to say that to try and get my MIL to stop trying to escape, she was prescribed a low-dose daily Diazapam to help reduce her anxiety. Not sure if this would help temporarily.

I hate to say this, but remember that YOU anxiety will transmit to your mum, too.....

Personally, I would say, give it at least a week, to see if things improve, but in the meantime, give yourself some peace of mind by sussing out another potential place to try out, if things don't settle.

Sounds like the NHS is picking up the tab for the moment, which is good, but IF, say, you wanted to move her anyway, and that after the NHS funding expires she would be self-funding anyway, you might not have too much to lose to move her, with or without the NHS funding following her??????? Just as thought.

(Glad her things have turned up again - that 'weekend effect' may have been responsible)
Thank you both. It is supposed to be a nursing home. When they assessed my mum they must have known she would need a hoist as cannot stand on her own, but there is one on each floor so the delay when someone needs to go to the loo is ridiculous . I will contact the NHS Mental Health nurse (by phone and email) and express my concern that the current place is not able to cope with her particular needs.

I have revisited two places today, one is my ultimate goal but they have no places currently. The manager is coming to assess my mum this week he said. He spent so much time showing me around and talking to me. It was amazing. The other has a similar philosophy (butterfly care) but a bit further and my only concern is that the bedroom doors are closed at night although they do have sensors etc.

My dilemma is:

a) do I keep my mum in the current home and wait for choice number 1 which could be weeks and months or
b) move my mum to choice 2 (which has places) and then move her when a place become available at choice number 1?

If they only have one hoist per floor, then i'd raise this with CQC. Delay in patients being supported to use toilet facilities is serious.
Sorry I meant to say there is not even one hoist per floor. The carers have to find where one is when they need to use it, hence the delay.