Before my mums fall in October which resulted in a fractured pelvis and general deterioration, my 93 mum was living with me and although slower was able to do things. She has now been in hospital for 3 months and is due to be discharged into a nursing home next week. This is going to be a difficult transition for her and me. I have to take some of her things to the home which is really hard because I have to acknowledge she will never come home. Logically I understand the ageing process but emotionally it is so hard. I feel I am grieving for her already. I feel exhausted from having had to deal with this all on my own, I work and have visited her everyday but am not sure this is sustainable. Any advice, support very welcome.
Hello Regina
Sad to hear Mum won't be coming home, but after 3 months in hospital I expect she will just be glad to get out of the place ! (I was going 'stir' crazy after 3 weeks, don't think I could have coped with 3 months.) Is there the prospect that she will be able to come home after a period of rehabilitation ? or is the nursing home going to be permanent from now on ?
Certainly, if you can, take in some of Mum's bits 'n pieces to put in her room to make it feel more 'homely' - photos, flowers, ornaments that she's especially fond of etc. - that would help. Would she be able to have her own bedding (duvet covers etc) ?
One piece of advice I would give you is that once you have settled Mum into her room don't visit for at least a couple of days to give her time to get used to her new surroundings. Some nursing homes advise not visiting for a couple of weeks or so (!) but personally I feel that is too long. Once she is settled then you can start a new visiting 'schedule' which will be contingent on how 'aware' she is (are there any dementia/confusion issues ?) - maybe every other day for the first few weeks ?
With my own Mum (Alzheimer's and mobility issues needing a wheelchair) I got into the routine of visiting 3 or 4 times a week on average - on at least one of those days I was able to take her out shopping and a visit to her favourite coffee shop; and about once a month would take her out for Sunday lunch at our local pub. This schedule worked well for us - we got to know each other again as Mother and Daughter and I was able to shed the stressed "Carer" mantle.