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Caree complaints - No. 2: "You're never punctual." - Carers UK Forum

Caree complaints - No. 2: "You're never punctual."

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
My caree, like those of many others, is acutely aware of the things that need my assistance, which will not be available if I leave the house for a period. As my intended departure time nears, she thinks of more and more help she requires before I leave. I go into "escape mission" mode. I realise that the longer time it takes me to leave means the more help she will request, delaying my departure time still further. She then accuses me of unpuctuality when I don't manage to leave at the intended time.

How do I address this? Allowing more time, by getting up earlier or other means, does not work; Parkinson's Law does. A system that does work is if we clearly identify what we need to do and assign periods to do it. I give her my undivided attention until I have dealt with all her needs. In turn I expect to be uninterrupted while I go about my preparations. We can assign the periods in either order, though it usually works best if I attend to my needs first. It applies whether I am leaving her or if we are going out together. This works so much better than constantly being interrupted and having my train of thought disrupted as I try to prepare myself.

I am sure others are familiar with this problem. What works for you?
Hi Dennis

One idea would be to set a different time to the one you need. Let's say you need to leave the house at 11am. Say you have to leave at 10.30am. That gives you more time to deal with the ever-growing list. But you have to treat it exactly the same way as if 10.30 was really your leaving time.
Denis_1610 wrote:
Tue Jul 12, 2022 7:45 am
My caree, like those of many others, is acutely aware of the things that need my assistance, which will not be available if I leave the house for a period. As my intended departure time nears, she thinks of more and more help she requires before I leave. I go into "escape mission" mode. I realise that the longer time it takes me to leave means the more help she will request, delaying my departure time still further. She then accuses me of unpuctuality when I don't manage to leave at the intended time.

How do I address this? Allowing more time, by getting up earlier or other means, does not work; Parkinson's Law does. A system that does work is if we clearly identify what we need to do and assign periods to do it. I give her my undivided attention until I have dealt with all her needs. In turn I expect to be uninterrupted while I go about my preparations. We can assign the periods in either order, though it usually works best if I attend to my needs first. It applies whether I am leaving her or if we are going out together. This works so much better than constantly being interrupted and having my train of thought disrupted as I try to prepare myself.

I am sure others are familiar with this problem. What works for you?
I care for a member of my family. I find that literally leaving her for up to four hours with someone else who is currently at home in between her meals helps her. In that time I go to one of the local parks for some much needed exercise, or head to town to either meet a close friend for a long chat etc or do some important errands. I use that time as me time literally in other words.