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Relationship with Mum - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Relationship with Mum

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
My situation is very similar to yours, so I feel your pain.
I don’t live with mum but until last week did her shopping, cleaning and hospital appointments, medication support. Mum is 68 with severe osteo and rheumatoid arthritis, she is also anxious and like your mum misses my dad terribly - we lost him in 2013.

Thankfully, she has just been placed in respite for two weeks, following crisis point last week, but she is really upset and I know she is angry with me. I feel guilty for her being there, but as she needs medical as well as usual care, it’s the best place.
My brother doesn’t do much as he lives further away, so I’m shouldering all the guilt, as I am seeing mum most days.
I go back to school tomorrow, so cannot visit her until Saturday now and I feel so guilty.

I’m also worried about what happens next, can she stay there, if she wants… is there assisted living available for her.
She has now dropped below threshold, so we are at the mercy of social services….
I don’t want my relationship with mum damaged…. But this is sooo difficult!
You have to be honest with mum, who probably thinks that "one day" she will get "better" and do all the things she used to. It isn't going to happen. I'm approaching 70, after 8 operations I can't do the things I used to either.

You have to keep saying, like a stuck record player, that they have to look after her NEEDS.
She has to be SAFE.

Ring Social Services and ask them outright what their plans are and say you CANNOT support mum, that you work!