re: Mum on 'final warning' care agy

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.

Was at a care review meeting today where care agy supervisor said that would have pull care package if one more incident form completed. My mum has been increasingly verbally and now sorry to say physically abusive to her paid carers over last few weeks. I am grateful that agy hasn't actually pulled the plug, supervisor said had done so for less in past and I believe her.

I am trying get my mum into respite next week to give everyone a breather (including me - have had 'assist' :whistle: rousing my mum most morning carers here as she simply wont have it) but my mum adamant wont go, even though said she would consider at meeting.

Does anyone have any other ideas? I am ok now but situation is exacerbating my mh issues badly and I've said to soc. worker that if care package is pulled, then I'm done as trying soldier on same situ last year nearly broke me... :-???
Hello G
Were SS at that meeting too? What did they say?
Is Mum self funding?
Who chose and pays the agency?

Does Mum live in her own premises or with you?

And yes you do keep repeating you cannot do it anymore

Kr MrsA
Maybe she should be going to hospital for a proper assessment and medication review? If she goes to respite it should be a specialist elderly mentally infirm home.
Yes SS facilitated the meeting. Tried persuade my mum to co-operate with carers.
We are north of border and since my mum is over 65 (67) personal care is free (for users).
Agy was commissioned and is paid for by social work. Have been happy enough with agy, stepped in when without care last year and staff do try hard with my mum. I get on well with the carers.

House was given to me by late father and mum while ago but mum has right live there enshrined (liferent) providing she has capacity (not in question).

I said to ss would be moving out if package withdrawn and I mean it. Am looking at moving to town 100 miles away for the summer.
Have spoken to her (also my) GP bowlingbun and he agreed to speak to her. It is specialist home, spoke manager and he knows full sp, going visit fri pm, keeping my fingers crossed!
If she's being verbally and physically abusive then she is either (a) committing a crime (ie, physical assault) or (b) she has some form of dementia/mental impairment.

What is it she doesn't want (professional care workers, or 'care' in general?) and what is it she does want (eg, you looking after her irrespective of the toll it's taking on you??)

Glad you have an 'escape route'!
I think there can be grey area between two options you give Jenny, and that where my mum fits in?

She wants care workers to come when she wants, on demand effectively and do EXACTLY what she wants at that particular time. Not very practicable I'd say..... :pinch:

Since care review meeting on Tuesday my mum got has got her act together. Dressed and got herself ready for day centre yesterday and even did some dishes. Co-operated with carer (supervisor) today. Maybe the v real prospect of being frogmarched to respite has...erm..clarified her thinking....

Spoke to SS and told them wouldn't be going ahead with respite next week, asked them phone the care home as am worried they will think am trying get rid of my mum//drama queen... :dry:
Yes, the greyness can be frustrating in its own right - it all boils down, I suppose, to how much 'self-awareness' they still have and how much 'self-control' they can exert.....(and whether if so they choose to do so!!!)

I do think though that playing 'hard ball' can work - there are numerous tales here on the forum of carers who have had to do that, and simply say 'Unless I get a holiday I'm leaving totally'......respite then becomes the lesser of two evils. There are also tales of carees being a lot more appreciative of their carers after they've had to do without them for a while......

Glad to hear your mum is 'behaving' currently.