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Rant - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum


Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.

During the past few weeks A has been a handful, she refused to take her meds and even threw some of them up into the toilet. The most serious of this was not taking her Venlaflaxine (Effexor) for 4 days and this caused her to be moody, her sleep to be interrupted etc. Also the demon drink returned and with it she became truthful saying that she read on a Facebook group page that it's really difficult to come off and that she wanted to see what it was like. I tried telling her to take her meds but she refused point blank. I then said if you are going to reduce your meds to do it with medical supervision. The morning of the 5th day ie Friday just gone, she took them and she felt woozy probably due to not taking them for a few days. On Saturday she took them again and it felt and looked like the old A was back as we were out having lunch with friends and having a laugh. On Sunday I went down to my hometown for a concert which I had bought 2 tickets for, one for each of us but she didn't feel like going. I rang her twice and she seemed to be in good form.

On Monday morning I returned earlier than expected and saw that she didn't take her evening tablet, I didn't say anything but she said she forgot. That night we watched the soaps and kept our wee dogs safe as they were getting distressed from the sound of fireworks. She also polished off the remaining vodka and we went to bed. That night she had a restless sleep and woke up thinking it was 1995.

That afternoon things got bad, she started drinking some whiskey to settle her nerves as she was having a panic attack. When that subsided she kept drinking ie altogether she had 3 large servings of whiskey and some white lemonade. With this drink she became aggressive and suicidal and wanted to go for a walk alone ie to do herself in. I said no and became upset, she told me to find someone else, I said I want you. Then our son came in and was wondering what was happening, I mouthed she is feeling suicidal. A then started to berate me saying that if I cared I would ring someone (my phone's battery was dead and was upstairs). I said if I leave the room she would go for some meds and have an overdose.

I can't remember how I got my phone but I managed to get it charging, A then started to cry and I tried to hold her. She refused this saying that she didn't know me and that it was 1995. I told her it was 2016 and she said it was a trick, I tried giving her proof that it was 2016 but to no avail. Then she said me and our son were both demons and that God had her back. I used this opportunity to call the police, while we were waiting A tried to get out the front and back doors and the windows in the living room, kitchen and toilet. A even sprayed some febreeze at me probably in an attempt to blind me but I had my glasses on so thankfully it had no effect. The police eventually came and informed me that an ambulance was on its way as well. We managed to restrain her long enough for the ambulance to arrive which brought us to A&E.

While there A repeatedly tried to leave and called us demons and devils, all the while still thinking it was 1995 and that she was in her hometown. After 4.5 hours A saw the CPN on call and she made the recommendation for A to go into hospital for her own safety. Our son & I felt this was a good idea as we have no skills in helping her when she is feeling this way. She signed the voluntary admission papers etc and at 12:25 the ambulance brought her to the local psychiatric hospital. Our son & I got a taxi back home and I for one havent slept well out of worry and feeling that I did the wrong thing but I do know that if I gave into her wishes she would have done something worse.
This sounds a complete worst nightmare. Make sure the hospital listen to you as you know her better than anyone else I suspect. Most of all, be kind to yourself. Maybe go out for the day for a walk and meal out, without turning on your phone?
Yeats girl
You did the right thing getting her professional help :)
Glad you are all safe.
Take the next few days to recover by being kind and gentle with yourself and those around you
Xx MrsA

Well it's been a little under two weeks since A's latest "episode". I m saying episode as I don't know what else to call it.

In that time it's been difficult and also we quite promising. Firstly we (our son & I) went over on the evening of the 2nd to see how she was and she was in good form albeit a little anxious. I told her our news and she said hers, then the next night I went over alone as our son had a cold (he still has it to this day) and A said the Doctor's were thinking of letting her out the next day. Also they were looking to change the times of her meds around so it's more balanced.

The next day she got out and when I picked her up she told me she said she was sorry etc. I said it's OK and that I just wanted her safe hence I called the police. The next few days were filled of loads of sleep, eating junk food and watching cheesy horror movies. The new times for her meds are helping loads but she is getting an occasional tiny panic attack.

What's promising is she is looking to reduce her alcohol intake and give her meds a chance to work. She still had some whiskey left from the last time but she quickly poured it down the drain. I do think those aforementioned panic attacks are linked to alcohol withdrawal and she is talking about long term plans such as going abroad for a holiday and seeing family in England both in the next 6-12 months. She also wants a good Christmas with good food as she felt she wouldn't have made it without me this year.
I have to say, that's quite a difference from your earlier post! It must be encouraging surely, for you both! Hope it keeps going. What do her doctors/psychs/support workers advise YOU on how best to support her, and all the 'Do's and Dont's' - especially when to be tough/firm, and when to 'go easy'.

All the best with the continuing reduction/abstinence on the alcohol front - never easy alas.

Kind regards, Jenny

PS with the Supermoon tonight, all the Minaloushes will be out to lift to the changing moon, their changing eyes.....:)
jenny lucas wrote: PS with the Supermoon tonight, all the Minaloushes will be out to lift to the changing moon, their changing eyes.....:)
for those who don't know -

Minaloushe was Maud Gonne's daughter's cat and is the subject of a poem of the same name by W B Yeats
(Maud Gonne was Yeat's unrequited love)
I had to look up how to spell Minaloushe!!!

You can find the whole poem here -

http://www.poetry-archive.com/y/the_cat ... _moon.html

I hadn't known he was Maud Gonne's cat! (Sadly, she must have loved Minaloushe more than she loved WBY!)

(The most beautiful poem he wrote for her is the 'When you are old and grey'....always brings a tear to my eye!)

Hi gang, hope ye all had a lovely Christmas and as we are still in the first week of 2017 I wish ye all a peaceful New Year.

What's been happening here? Well its been a mixed last few weeks, firstly the good news: Despite it being extremely difficult A has been off drink for the past 6 weeks, during this time she has reached the opposite end of the spectrum and has been quite hyper. This has caused her to have sleepless nights however her therapist recommended sleeping tablets which have helped. A is seeing her therapist on Wednesday morning for group therapy and 1-2-1 on Friday. To be honest mindfulness isn't really working for her however a friend of hers and another friend of mine have recommended something a bit different and we are sourcing it tomorrow.

Christmas was good for us and we had way to much food, plus we had a friend over for dinner and she was delicious :lol: Joking aside it was great to have her over and the three of us went to see Rogue One a few days before. Our son got a Christmas bonus from his placement and went on the town on Boxing Day and New Years Eve. I felt a bit let down by this as I would like a wee break as well but he is entitled to his freedom. I m going to ask our GP for a referral to get a Carer's Assessment as I could do with a wee bit of a rest bite.

I will update more in a wee bit
Hey gang,

How goes it since we last spoke? It's been an interesting last few weeks since I last posted.

Firstly A was in hospital earlier this month for three days, she became a little bit manic and felt she could fly and had shields which would make her invulnerable to pain. On the night of the Monday before she wanted to go out and climb a tree in the local park (6 miles away) and when I said no she became very disgruntled. She said she would go when I was sleeping but I stayed awake and managed to stop her. On the day she went in we went to our Doctor and he prescribed more meds while she tried explaining to him how she felt. After going to the chemist A felt very anxious and told me she wanted to go to A&E so we did that and told the triage, the doctor and CPN about what has been happening. The CPN recommend hospital and so we went. That evening after her initial assessment I got a taxi home and packed a bag with clothes for her and got the same taxi over and then home again.

After getting home I felt so hungry and bad so I made some dinner and while it was cooking I rang the Samaritan's and spilled my guts. They told me that I did the right thing and that I was a very understanding and patient (no pun intended) woman and that A is very lucky to have me in her life.

After my food my friend Carol messaged me on Facebook and told me to look after me and recharge my batteries over the next few days. I agreed and the next day I bought some lavender bath creme from Tesco and a strawberry and cream facial scrub from Superdrug. That evening I went to see A and she seemed brighter and told me that she knew now she couldn't fly etc.

The next afternoon I went over early and we spent almost 2 hours together talking about her eating all the chocolate from the vending machine, the image of her protecting her chocolate bounty made me laugh and still does. The only bad thing was when I went to have my bath that evening someone had swiped the bath creme and facial scrub.

All the while our son never went over to see her, on the Friday night he was in his mates house and on the Saturday he didn't come in until 10:00pm. I told him straight that we all have responsibilities and that I would like him to help out more as I m getting close to being burnt out. He said he would, on the Sunday however after I came home one of his mates was in the house and they then went for a walk. He put up a picture on Facebook to which A commented that he could have instead had gone to see her. Valid point me thinks.

Since being discharged A has been good and has been sleeping better and still hasn't touched alcohol which I am very proud of her for. Her therapist is also looking at her diagnosis and there could be a possibility of her initial diagnosis of EUPD by her original therapist could be wrong and that instead she has Bipolar. She is currently on Tegretol (a mood stabiliser) Omprezole and Venaflaxine all of which is helping loads and also off the Chlorpromazine. I personally think the withdrawal of the latter had something to do with her latest episode.

We also got a new addition to the family i.e. Freyja. She is a pedigree golden retriever puppy and we paid £380 for her. The goal is to have her trained up as a service dog in case A needs help etc. I can't believe the price but seeing other people selling puppies close to £1000 we got a bargain.

I myself am alright, I do feel close to being burnt out but I m trying not to let it show but it's hard. On Thursday I m going to a carers event in the next town over which should be interesting. It's basically a networking event for me and a chance to unwind for a few hours. I m also expanding my movie collection and picked up some bargains both in charity shops and on Amazon (one DVD which I have been looking forever for cost me only 1p). I think I need to find someway of actually storing them all together (alphabetically of course) would be good. I m going to try and source a bookcase or five or 4x200 DVD wallets. I m also hoping to pass my driver's test in the autumn. I say autumn as I m hoping to be working in the summer as it will be the only way I can afford to pay for my insurance and road tax.

I m also hoping to get back into my writing and laying foundations to move back to Yeats country in the next few years while Brexit is being negotiated. To that end I have applied for clerical positions with the local health board and to be honest I m quietly confident. Passing my driver's test would also help greatly in the long run.

Well that's all my news, be good to each other.

Wow it's been almost 14 months since I posted an update on how things are going, a lot has happened in that time.

Further from A's previous time in the local psychiatric hospital she has been on the whole pretty good. For her Mental Health difficulties she still hasnt a proper official diagnosis but as mentioned previously she is on mood stabilisers along with her anti depressants and other related meds and they are helping loads. She still gets periods of mania and depression but nowhere near as bad as it was previously. However throughout the rest of 2017 she had periods of chest pain varying in terms of severity but it all came to a head in November when she had a major heart attack. She had been smoking a fair amount a week due to having nothing to do when I was working in my hometown in 2016. Of course this frightened the life out of me but we got her to the hospital in time due to our son calling for an ambulance and when the paramedics came I was able to give them all the medical information they needed.

While in hospital she was rushed to surgery and had 2 stents put in to widen a blocked artery and when she came round she was happy and got home a few days after. Over the next few months her recovery from her heart attack has been steady. She is on quite a few meds now both for mental health and heart issues but she is taking them when she needs to and is having an occassional alcoholic drink (2-3 pints of Guinness a month). Strangely though I think having the heart attack has made her realise that she has only one life and that she needs to keep on top of her meds to be able to live it.

In other news from 2017 we got over to England twice in June to see her family and we had a good time. The first time was a wee holiday but the second was when some of her family had meningitis but thankfully they made a speedy recovery. I didnt get working due to be ranked 218 in the selection list which considering I was ranked 220 in 2016 I was surprised I didnt get selected but cest la vie. The rest of the year went pretty much quietly until October, I was walking to the bus stop in our estate and I suddenly fell when my feet went from under me. I dont know why but luckily our neighbour who is a nurse saw what happened me and stayed with me until I got over my shock. I then gingerly walked back to the house and sat down and A asked me what happened and I told her. She then asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital I said yes and she said can you wait until I have a bath etc. I said ok and about 3 hours later she was ready and we went to the hospital. I was seen pretty quickly in A&E and got told I broke bones in my right ankle, left elbow and left arm. A was aghast when the Doctor told us what happened. She later told me she didnt believe me that I was in pain which I found really uncaring.

After A had her heart attack our son said he would help out more around the house but in all honesty he hasnt lifted a finger save for hoovering his bedroom when his girlfriend comes over. Little things he does are starting to niggle me such as leaving dirty teaspoons in the sink, not washing his dishes etc. The reason he gives is baffling but it is as follows he says that because he is working he should be exempt from housework. To make matters worse he felt that I was only pretending to be in pain from my leg, arm and elbow so that it would make him to do housework, in fact the opposite I went through the pain barrier to keep tidying up and even when A got home from hospital I was still doing housework. I guess all I am trying to do is keep a house, look after his mum and myself and tidy up after him. Is it wrong to think that a 21 year old living at home should help around the house? As he is working and getting a £1000 net pay and pays a paltry £40 a month into the house. I was always told that 20% would be a fair contribution which is £200 but £40 hardly scratches the surface. I told A that we should be charging more but she said she couldnt do it as he is her son. However he is going to his uncle's wedding in England (his Dad's brother) later this month and he was able to buy a suit, shoes etc and then told us he was skint and hadnt saved any spending money which isnt surprising when he spends his money on online gaming, take aways twice a week at least, clothes and alcohol. A & I discussed this on Sunday night and she told me she talked to a few people about his contribution and they all said that he should be paying a lot more and that he has it so easy that he is taking advantage of us. So I asked her how much and she said she will gradually increase it to £20 a week and then upto £50. Its not that we want him to move out we want him to do what is fair if he wont lift a finger as she also expected him to save some money towards moving out but he hasnt done so, so the only logical thing to do is to increase his contribution.

A had her PIP assessment in Feburary and we got told that she will be now on standard care and mobility, while before she was on high care and low mobility. This has effected our Income Support but we are still doing ok financially. I hope to be working again and saving towards a holiday. I have decided to treat myself this time and will be getting a few things such as clothes etc. If all goes well I will have £2000 saved and that should cover all I would like. I also have got back into my writing and have sent a few poems to a friend of mine for appraisal and if she deems them worthy of publishing I will continue. Life is starting to make sense to me at last and I am slowly starting to live it again.