Powers of Attorney and problems with siblings

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
I was wondering if anyone can help please? I hold POA, health and financial for my mother. She has recently been discharged from hospital and has gone home. This was her wish and as she still has capacity, we have assisted her to do so. My sister feels that this was a mistake and wanted her to go into care, but mum has settled back at home and seems to be fairly happy. There have been further issues brewing with my sister and now she's fallen out with me. She's now demanding a meeting with her and her husband to go over Mum's finances as she says that she has lost faith in me. As my mum still has capacity, isn't it up to her for my sister to see all the finances? She made me POA as she knows that I'm the only one she can truly trust and said as much. I'm dealing with everything, paying all the bills, etc and I have nothing to hide, but I don't appreciate the accusation that I am somehow mismanaging her finances, or even worse, stealing from her. Any help would be appreciated.
Others here will know the laws and rules on PoA, but if, as you say, your mum is still in full possession of her mind and faculties, it is, indeed, one would think, entirely up to her if she wants her other daughter to know her private finances! Otherwise, none of your sister's business!

I'm a little curious as to what your sister thinks you may be doing with your mum's money! (do you present your 'audit' to your mum, by the way, on what has been going where, and why, and does your mum 'sign off' the spending on her behalf??!!!).

I say this because does she think you are squirrelling it away (aka stealing!), or simply 'squandering' it unwisely?

In terms of your mum going, or not going, into a care home, what is the situation on funding? If you mum had (or perhaps in time to come, actually will) to go into a care home, as you doubtless know, if she has over £23,500 in savings/income/property assets, she will have to self-pay.

Does your sister realise this? And if she doesn't have that much money, and her fees are paid by the council, they will take (pretty much all!)(apart from 'pocket money' ) of any income she has to offset the fees (unless she's totally down to something like £16k I believe).

So, to be blunt, if your sister is thinking you might be 'spending her potential inheritance' (!!!!!), and yet also wants your mum in a care home, the latter will ensure there is no inheritance for either you OR your sister!
I also wonder about sister's motives. Make it clear that YOU WILL NOT DISCUSS MUM'S FINANCES. To do so would be a "breach of confidentiality"! My younger brother did nothing to help me with mum, she changed her will, then he was upset that he didn't get as much as he thought he was going to, and hasn't sent me so much as a Christmas card since my solicitor told him politely that there was no case to answer.
Now, on the subject of mum, have you looked to see if she is entitled to Attendance Allowance? Does she have over £23,000 (Yes/No"). This is the cut off point for Social Services care, roughly. Have you had a Carers Assessment?
jenny lucas wrote:
Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:02 pm
Others here will know the laws and rules on PoA, but if, as you say, your mum is still in full possession of her mind and faculties, it is, indeed, one would think, entirely up to her if she wants her other daughter to know her private finances! Otherwise, none of your sister's business!

I'm a little curious as to what your sister thinks you may be doing with your mum's money! (do you present your 'audit' to your mum, by the way, on what has been going where, and why, and does your mum 'sign off' the spending on her behalf??!!!).

I say this because does she think you are squirrelling it away (aka stealing!), or simply 'squandering' it unwisely?

In terms of your mum going, or not going, into a care home, what is the situation on funding? If you mum had (or perhaps in time to come, actually will) to go into a care home, as you doubtless know, if she has over £23,500 in savings/income/property assets, she will have to self-pay.

Does your sister realise this? And if she doesn't have that much money, and her fees are paid by the council, they will take (pretty much all!)(apart from 'pocket money' ) of any income she has to offset the fees (unless she's totally down to something like £16k I believe).

So, to be blunt, if your sister is thinking you might be 'spending her potential inheritance' (!!!!!), and yet also wants your mum in a care home, the latter will ensure there is no inheritance for either you OR your sister!
According to her, there has been a breakdown of trust. This is mainly because I have enabled Mum to return home as per her wishes and my sister is adamant that she must go into a care home. There can be no discussion on the matter, it's what she's decided and that's all there is to it. I don't know what she thinks I'm doing. The bank account balances every month and matches the bank statement. She was assesses as having capacity by two medical professionals in the last month so I feel confident that she knows what she wants.
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:08 pm
I also wonder about sister's motives. Make it clear that YOU WILL NOT DISCUSS MUM'S FINANCES. To do so would be a "breach of confidentiality"! My younger brother did nothing to help me with mum, she changed her will, then he was upset that he didn't get as much as he thought he was going to, and hasn't sent me so much as a Christmas card since my solicitor told him politely that there was no case to answer.
Now, on the subject of mum, have you looked to see if she is entitled to Attendance Allowance? Does she have over £23,000 (Yes/No"). This is the cut off point for Social Services care, roughly. Have you had a Carers Assessment?
I've not had a Carers Assessment yet, but it's something I'm going to sort out soon. She's actually on the higher rate of DLA for both mobility and care, the latter I sorted out for her through a reconsideration. Yes, with the sale of her house she'll be over that threshold.
As Mum has recently been assessed as having capacity and you are following her wishes I don't believe sister has any right to demand sight of finances from you. If they want to challenge Mums capacity or thePOA they would have to do it through solicitors and courts.

When the POAs were first done was sister sent a copy for comment? I was for my Mums as she was making it out to my big bro

Just make sure that everything you do is documented and receipted where possible.
As Mum has capacity, could you get her to write a letter to you and sister confirming her wishes?
If mum is back in her own house, the value usn't takem into consideration by Social Services. It's in your sister's interest, if she is a beneficiary of mum's will, to keep mum at home as long as possible, so why does she want mum in a care home? Does she undefxtand the charging rules?
Stick to the breach of confidentiality line, like a stuck record player.
Why does your sister want your mum to be in care?
Henrietta wrote:
Mon Jan 22, 2018 9:50 pm
Why does your sister want your mum to be in care?
She feels that it is in her best interests. The thing is, I don't disagree but Mum wants to be at home so we're enabling her to try it her way first. Mum is very aware that it might not work out. We're a month in and so far so good, but I know that long term she'll need long term care. We've looked at a few care homes to prepare for that as well.
bowlingbun wrote:
Mon Jan 22, 2018 9:47 pm
If mum is back in her own house, the value usn't takem into consideration by Social Services. It's in your sister's interest, if she is a beneficiary of mum's will, to keep mum at home as long as possible, so why does she want mum in a care home? Does she undefxtand the charging rules?
Stick to the breach of confidentiality line, like a stuck record player.
I don't think for her it's about money, but I believe she thinks that's why I've enabled her to return home. I just wanted Mum to be able to decide for herself so I've supported her in her wish to go home.