No sleep

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
Hi my dad doesn’t sleep through the night he talks to people that aren’t there he shouts for me I go up and he pretends to be asleep I ask if he needs a wee no then why did you shout for me I didn’t shout for you 12 times last night I was going up to him I’m exhausted then he comes downstairs and sleeps through the day shouting at anyone that makes a noise .
Tracey, you can't go on like this, you need some sleep.
Tell us a bit more about dad.
How old is he?
How long as he had dementia?
How long has he been shouting?
Have you discussed it with his GP?
Is he getting Attendance Allowance?
Are you getting Carers Allowance?
Did you know dementia sufferers were exempt from Council Tax?
Hiya
What would happen if you ignored the shout? Would it get louder and more agitated or would he stop until the next time? Might he be shouting 'in his dreams' or do you think that his sleep patterns have got turned around so that he is awake all night?
Perhaps a visit to the GP? Maybe some medication to help him sleep at night?
When you say you 'go up' to him, does that mean you are sleeping downstairs and he is upstairs?
Presumably you are worried that one of the shouts means that he is really in need, or could you use earplugs or play soft music with earphones? Maybe if he doesn't get a response he will get up and come looking for you or would he just subside?
How about making that noise during the day and not allowing him to sleep all the time, even if he creates, so that he is tired enough to sleep all night?
What is the situation re some respite care? Any chance of Dad going into a Home for a couple of weeks so that you catch up on your sleep and maybe they will manage to change the pattern so that he comes back used to sleeping all night?
You cannot continue to function with night after night of disturbed sleep. You are important too.
He’s 90 we are still waiting for an appointment for the memory clinic been waiting since may I called the doctors a few weeks ago I was so tired I’d had enough she got him on a ward but it was only overnight he had a scan the results said undiagnosed dementia and that he had to go to the memory clinic I’m on my own with him 24/7 I ive been out once for a few hours but my daughter isn’t talking to me because I refused to have her daughter for the weekend so she could go to London he’s even worse when my granddaughter sleeps over he’s shouting all night it’s horrendous as soon as he sees her he’s in a mood he’s horrible to me he spits on the floor when I say that’s disgusting stop it he just shouts you clean it up I actually don’t like him whatever I cook it’s awful I shower him wipe his bum cos if he does it he gets it all over his hands he doesn’t get any allowance and I don’t get Carers money I sometimes think he’s going mad the things he comes out with then he’s laughing I don’t know if that’s dementia or madness he talks to people on the tv says they’re his neighbours and it’s his street he’s just really mean if I don’t go up to him he comes down he always manages to put his slippers on but when I get him up he shouts that he can’t do it he’s getting worse he won’t go in a home so there’s nothing I can do
It sounds like your father should not had been discharged so hastily to begin with.

I would get him taken back in citing an unsafe discharge

Don't let them send your father home until they have properly diagnosed him, established level of capacity (or lack of) and properly assessed care needs, put in place a package of care which you consider adequate for his needs, along with any required adaptations and meeting the social needs involved (benefit entitlements, assessing for continuing healthcare funding, where he should live, etc)

Honestly if they do things properly, it might even be determined that he simply can't go home, because 1 carer is simply not going to manage that level of challenging behaviour, its dangerous and rolling the dice whether somebody gets hurt (it could be you)

Do not let them guilt trip you into agreeing to anything or use your father as a bargaining chip... based on the behaviour you describe he is lacking capacity to make that sort of decision for himself, so it comes down to best interests over what he "wants".

Also with respect your daughter is being insensitive to your situation, acting selfish and needs to grow up/take some responsibility for herself.. you have enough on your plate right now and should not be dealing with this on your own! This is when the family is supposed to come together to deal with crisis. Just don't forget this when she next asks for childcare.

You are a saint but can not do this on your own.

Best wishes

edited typos and forum bug
Just in case it's needed ... the BIBLE on hospital discharges :

https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-se ... -hospital/

In short , by the book or ... NO discharge.

What went wrong on this occasion ?
Forum hates me today,

Sounds like because it is "undiagnosed dementia" they can't treat her father as lacking capacity because they probably did not bother taking the time to actually have somebody assess it, all they care about is discharging so thats what they have done.

Its wrong and the poster should never had been put in this situation
Chris the ward he was on was horrible they left him for hours in wet pjs they put a catheter in even though I said all he needs is help to the toilet they put a female catheter in and he was bleeding for 3 days no urine output from Friday evening till Sunday morning when a different doctor was on and she realised that they’d put the wrong one in the muse said he’d go home he could manage but there was no way he could be on his own so I said he could come to me till he could manage I got a call from the ward when I got home saying he was coming to me the next day cos they needed the bed they brought him a walking frame a frame to go round the toilet and that’s been it I’ve been left on my own since it became clear that he couldn’t go back to living on his own
From the same NHS bible :

Feedback and complaints.

Talk to hospital staff if you're unhappy about your suggested discharge or transfer date.

You have the right to discharge yourself from hospital at any time during your stay in hospital.

If you want to complain about how a hospital discharge was handled, speak to the staff involved to see if the problem can be resolved informally.

Alternatively, speak to a PALS member at the hospital. PALS offers confidential advice, support and information on health-related matters.

Find your local PALS

You could contact an NHS Complaints Advocacy service. Your local council will be able to tell you who the local advocacy provider is.

If you wish to raise a formal complaint, follow the NHS complaints procedure.

You can also rate or review a hospital. Simply find the hospital you wish to comment on and leave an overall star rating or post a review for other patients to read.


As if any of the above will have effect ... or prevent another " Dumpster " ?