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Washing & dressing Someone who doesn't want to) - Carers UK Forum

Washing & dressing Someone who doesn't want to)

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
I know a lot of you out there with carees with dementia have problems sometimes with getting them to wash change clothes etc. But what happens when the caree has all their faculites(so to speak)
When hubby is depressed (and at the minute its a big problem) I usually have to work hard to get him to do these things and eventually we get there but all the things that usually work (encouraging, cajoling, ranting, the truth (you smell)
Just aren't working.
Today I've been told I'm 53 and if I don't want a wash I don't have to. True yes but how long can I let this go on for? Skin integrety(sp) is a problem
Any ideas?
I guess you've tried explaining the effects of his not washing on YOU? As his wife and all that?
Booksey, i don't know how you can deal with this, but i can imagine that it must be frustrating for you.

Would he use baby wipes and deodorant to have a quick freshen up as a compromise?..don't know what else to suggest x
Great. I dont mess much in this kind of situation , because its unacceptable. I would just say:
"OK, lover boy, do you want to take a bath voluntarily in the comfort of your own home, or do you want to be scrubbed down forcibly by an 18 stone untrained low-paid "auxiliary" at the local 200 bed nursing home and fed on three-day old mashed airline-type 'food' whilst having your life savings robbed rotten legally by their head office for the priviledge? "
They usually get the message. If they dont, time to start making a few phone calls.
Booksey this is difficult isn't it.

Can you think of anyone who can have a quiet word with him (that isn't you) ie a mate/male relation etc

He'd probably feel a bit better in himself if he wasn't so riffy!

The alternative is you let him sleep in the spare room etc and tell him you love him dearly, but really is lack of personal hygiene is just too much.

As for his skin, like he says he is a man in his 50's and if he does develop a problem ... well he will have to live with the consequences. (it won't be because of your neglect.)

Melly1
Thanks all

Managed a bit of a going over last night due to a drink spillage Image

Unfortunatley not having access to the bathroom and only being able to have strip washes isn't helping. The local councillors have a surgery next Saturday I think its time to pay them a visit
I think you should take OH with you ... to demonstrate the problem ....!

Melly1
I think you should take OH with you ... to demonstrate the problem ....!

Melly1
Image Image Image Image but that's a good idea!
Hi Booksey and everyone else

I empathise with you - my Andy is Epileptic with his huge doses of drugs and the seizures his memory is impaired waiting for assessment.
His personality has changed and his need for cleanliness. He used to shower every day and shave twice sometimes He is 6ft tall 10st. He is mobile one minute and fitting on the floor the next. He is incontinent and doubly so .
If he is fitting in his sleep i wash and change him and bedclothes etc once he has settled and rested even though wet or if ive been quick with uridom . I also have anal plugs too because his medicines make his bowel very runny. These are a godsend.

Then he is up perfectly normal and able to wash with assistance. I pushed to get a shower in for him to be safe and all the chairs and grips for both of us.
i know he gets a wash every day after his seizures BUT he refuses to get in the shower. He will not let me shave him and looks like a raggy old man sometimes !!!
I then at a time he cant "fight back" run shears over his beard ( hes bald)

He says to me and to OT / Incontinence Nurses/ GP/ Epilepsy Nurse- anyone really that Amanda washes him every night or so and he doesnt see why he should wash. his reason - he cant smell himself and its not a problem !
Trouble is it is to me - we share the same bed and i steal his clothes every day to wash them. So he looks neat and tidy and unbelievably he doesnt actually smell bad.
The shower was put in End of April this year and hes had ONE wash instigated by himself in the whole of that time.

Booksey you might find he will have NO qualms but to say hes not bothered about being clean and its not illegal to be so ...as Andy pointed out. He is no longer ashamed of it, as once he would if someone was coming have a shower. His mother has a quiet chat and it changed nothing, i was really surprised as he respects her greatly.

So im resigned to making damn sure he gets well washed by me and i am sure no one will say he smells not while i am looking after him.
Perseverence is what you need and keep saying -you smell bad it might sink in. Direct approach and all that.
Kindness and Friendship - Mandy
Mandy you sound a very strong, determined and resourceful woman. Andy is lucky to have you.

Melly1