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Mother constantly needing the toilet ... help please! - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Mother constantly needing the toilet ... help please!

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
Mum was living in her own home which has now been sold.
Do you have Power of Attorney or Guardianship?
It is perfectly in order for mum to make a significant financial contribution towards both the running of the home and the care that you provide.
Difficult subject. Mum does make a contribution towards general expenses, food etc, especially since heating costs and water usage have increased significantly. But because she has savings she has to pay £100 per week for her agency care to the County Council. I couldn't expect her to pay any more as she only has her pension and it would mean dipping into her savings. When mum's social worker spoke to me about direct payments she told me that this could be used to pay a family member, but not a family member who lives under the same roof as mum. This seems a little unfair as there are no other family members who help out in any way. I have two brothers but they live miles away.
"It would mean dipping into her savings" YES!

You are entitled to her savings to pay you, as you are saving her approximately £1,000 a week in care home fees!!
The £100 a week for Social Services should come out of her savings, that is how it is calculated.
Every penny that you are entitled to that you don't take, will be divided three ways, between you and your brothers, when she dies IF there is anything left. They don't help care, have no right to a share of her savings now.
You are seriously being unfair to yourselves not to take a significant contribution for being on call 24/7.
An old person in residential care who does not have savings has all their pension taken away except for about £25 personal spending, or "pocket money".
Food for thought!
Rachel_200612345 wrote:
Tue Jun 30, 2020 5:53 pm
Food for thought!
Indeed Rachel! Think hard about it.

I had to sell Mum’s house to pay her care home fees which are approx £900 a week now. That was her only asset as she had hardly any savings.

IF there is anything left when Mum dies (and the rate her house sale money is going is alarming!) the money is to be split 3 ways between her children. I have always done the bulk of everything and am POA, one brother pops in to see her probably once a week (apart from lockdown obviously) and the other brother washed his hands of her when she was diagnosed with alzheimers over 3 years ago and has had no contact, not even a card, since that day.
Ah I see. I know how you feel. I have two brothers and although they are quite good in that they allow us a couple of weeks' holiday a year, they're so far away that they can't do anything practical. They do ring mum if I remind them but they seem to feel now that she's 'mine' to deal with. When I consulted a financial adviser about mum's few savings after selling the house and what to do with them, the topic came up about any money left on her death. I do have POA. The financial adviser gave me an old fashioned look and said something about old people wanting to be 'fair' to all their children - in other words, that the money should be split three ways equally. I hadn't suggested anything else. To be fair to my two brothers, I'm sure they're assuming that I'm using mum's savings as and when necessary (I'm doing my best not to) and probably if I said to them I think I should have something for looking after her, they would probably go 'yeah whatever' but I'm only guessing. I understand completely how you feel too. Sorry not to have replied before, but have been at sixes and sevens with mum with a water infection and not very well at all.
Why are you trying not to use her savings?
Isn't old age what the savings are for???