Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.

My name is Vicky and I share the care of my father with my mom. Unfortunately his dementia is in its final stages, and on reflection we have realised that we have coped with different stages with varying degrees of success, and thought it might help others if we told them how we managed certain situations.

I thought I would start with incontinence, I have provided a link for anyone who is having problems particularly with night time bedwetting as it can be exhausting.

I have read the guide to using the forum, and can assure everyone that I am not plugging any products and have just mentioned the shops we bought things from except the draw sheets which we had trouble tracking down so I have been more specific with those.

I hope this is helpful as we struggled to find a tried and tested method of keeping night times as calm as possible. Any additions to the site would be more than welcome. The information is on the following link

Best Regards

Hi Vicky
A very helpful link for those embarking on the journey. :D
Don't allow incontinence service to fob you off with tales of the cost involved either, they have a responsibility to ensure that the patient receives pads which protect them sufficiently not just from "accidents" but from the health issues associated with incontinence which if not correctly dealt with can be serious.

When your loved one is being assessed you have to outline specific things relative to their "output" for example someone that is high risk for renal failure or potential kidney trouble/produces stones etc that has to hydrate generously in order to break them down shouldn't be told by DN team to scale back how much they drink (against medical advice) because its inconvenient/costly to get the pads to accommodate it.. and this does happen.

Also consider pads which work for somebody who spends 90% of their time immobile/in bed aren't going to be suitable for somebody that regularly gets up into a wheelchair to be taken out etc. Obviously if your the one changing them consideration should be made to how "gimmicky" they are to actually fit, it should be straight forward but some types of pad are atrocious to put on at the best of times never mind a non-cooperative caree.
Hey Vicky, thanks for sharing the helpful link.
It's certainly, to my mind, one of the most distressing aspects of dementia (my MIL has reached this stage now), but I guess the only 'mercy' is that they themselves have no idea that this is what they have come to. My MIL - so energetically vigorous and self-reliant and amazingly competent - would be HORRIFED to know that she was now wearing pull up nappies. Poor, poor soul.
I agree Jenny. Frankly I find it pretty horrifying that my mum doesn't seem that fussed uses what are effectively nappies as panties now.

I find used ones scattered in kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. From when my mum refuses let carers assist her and does it herself. Beyond grim.

Glad have had best part week respite break! :blink:
Right and I agree it is horrible to think of what a loved one would make of the situation but you have to look at it this way ; In ensuring they are padded properly aside from preventing the indignity of soiling one self you are also helping to keep them healthy through reducing the threat of sores, infections and the like.

What is truly upsetting is when the person is completely aware (limited capacity or better) they are soiling themselves and making a mess because the products being used are no good for them yet the incontinence team drags their feet in the matter.

As for messy carers, the parts of the house loved ones use are immaculate and tidy/organized, they don't leave until those parts of the house are exactly how they were when they came in. I'm generally laid back and understand newbies make mistakes but if they take the pee my strike system kicks in.

Strike 1 I take it up with the agency themselves.
Strike 2 I take it up with SS or CHC (whichever is funding)
Strike 3 I kick it up to CQC which I'd rather not, because I dislike the idea of penalising a whole agency because of 2/3 slackers.. but the thing is, if their like that at my place, lord knows how they behave at clients homes who live alone/independently.