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I am being bullied at a care home - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

I am being bullied at a care home

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
thara_1910 wrote:
Wed Nov 27, 2019 5:09 pm
Good luck!
I replied to your PM earlier.You have prob seen it:)
Bullying is extremely difficult to tackle and control.
About the bully.....Would she cope outside of this home?
Where would she go?
Would she behave like that outside the protective confines of the care home?
Your neighbour is a person who is behaving this way because - deep beneath the surface - she is expressing how she feels about herself. She knows that she will not be able to survive the harsh realities of being outside the care home.
The bully needs to keep her place. To keep control.
This situation gives the bully a great opportunity to utilise and manipulate the management/stewardship of an organisation.
This is because the management want to 'keep the peace'.
The bully depends on the home. Her power comes from living in the care home.
This leads on to the next issue which seriously concerns you. The '28 day verbal notice'.
Leave voluntarily or let the management expel/evict you from the home?
For the management to evict you, they will need a genuine reason for this and will also require evidence to prove that you cannot live at the care home.
It may be worth seriously considering the fact that you will be better off being evicted rather than leaving of your own free will.
Being expelled from the home means that you will be entitled to further help from the social services.
Leave voluntarily and you will not get priority assistance.
Firstly. Give consideration to your personal needs regarding your illness/condition when looking for alternative accommodation.
Will you be able to afford the costs?
Will the accommodation be suitable for your needs because of your situation?
It will be easier for the management if you choose to leave voluntarily.
The '28 day notice' is likely to be a threat in order to encourage you to leave quietly.
If anything. By staying where you are, you may find it easier to get access to further assistance via the social services. One example will be to find the accommodation that will suit your needs.
There is nothing to stop you researching this area and contacting social services in order to find the accommodation you require. Due to your circumstances, they should be able to offer you help.
Social housing/housing associations may be able to offer advice. Worth checking out.
You may get help with costs, so it's worth seeing if you are eligible.
On the subject of dealing with the bully, you could consider taking advice on assertiveness training. Having counselling may help you to understand and deal with the environment that you have the misfortune to be living in.
Although you cannot control the circumstances, you may be able change how you can deal with this situation.
The care home is obliged to offer you access to health services.
Your local doctor/nurse can refer you to a counsellor.
You do seem to need the psychological support as you appear to be having a hard time at the moment.
Try to spend some time away from the home if you can. You may benefit from some breathing space without the confinement of being inside for long periods.
Can you find some activities that involve being away from the care home?
It's unfortunate that the care home are letting you down like this because - in reality - it is the management's responsibility to ensure your well-being. They should be helping you to find your own independence anyway.
The care home should also be dealing with the bullying behaviour that you are experiencing.
They should at least have been trained to 'spot and deal' with this situation at an early stage.
Although a difficult subject. Bullying is best tackled as soon as identified. The care team should have addressed this.
However. There can be very deep, complex reasons as to why people become bullies and they can only be properly dealt with by experienced counsellors/therapists.
How are things lately OP?
Hello again, Undermyduvet. Like Thara, I am concerned that we have heard nothing from you since November.

Did the safeguarding meeting take place? What was the outcome? Are you still at the same care home? Is the bully still there?

We are hoping that your problems are now resolved and you are living in happier circumstances ─ but we don't know.

Please, please let us know how you are doing - good or bad.
Hi there everyone.Thanks for your nice post Denis

I still visit this site from time to time

I am okay.I'd rather not go into what happend because it is still hard for me to talk about even three or four months later but I am not at the home now.Nothing has really been resolved and I am in a less than ideal situation but I am getting by.

Here's hoping I won't have any more crazy people in my life for another ten years but there's a few of them about..lol

How is everyone here?Have your years been better so far?
So where are you now?
Nice to hear from you again, Undermyduvet. At least you have been separated from the bully now. That's a step forward.

You may not yet be in ideal circumstances, but work on that, a step at a time, persevere and you'll get there!

And keep in touch.
Denis_1610 wrote: Nice to hear from you again, Undermyduvet. At least you have been separated from the bully now. That's a step forward.

You may not yet be in ideal circumstances, but work on that, a step at a time, persevere and you'll get there!

And keep in touch.
You know that expression all mouth and no trousers?that was her.Those times I confronted her(when she'd start her usual rants through the bedroom wall),she'd go very very quiet..eerily quiet.At least I told her a few home truths before I left.She really was a nasty piece of work and I have met some pretty nasty characters but she really outshined them all..Hardly anybody on the unit liked her.Usually I can find some positive qualities in people but she seemed to have left all hers up north.
thara_1910 wrote:
Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:20 pm
Undermyduvet wrote:
Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:08 pm
It is probably quite rare for non carers to post on here but I am at rock bottom and don't know of any other forums
I am in a care home in the young persons section and have been bullied by another resident for some months.I don't like using the word"bullying"as it is such a strong word and so widely used but I think it is the only word that fits.This resident is my neighbour and is verbally abusive day and night and will do everything in her power to keep me awake when am trying to sleep.My body needs sleep because of my illness.My neighbour even threatened my mother one night with her stick and tried to break down my door.She is unbalanced and will still slam her stick on the ground when my mum and I are near her.It is quite intimidating.I have spoken to different people but management aren't doing anything even after the incident with the threats.It doesn't help that the manager has quite a close relationship with the other resident and they chat a lot.I have never encountered a situation before where a manager and a resident have chatted to that extent.We approached the safeguarding people but they haven't been that supportive either and neither was the social worker who was assigned to me.CQC just said that they can't take on individual cases.To complicate things I have been given a 28 day(verbal)notice by the home but as it is just verbal at the moment I am not focusing too much on it.It doesn't make any sense because I was looking for my own accomodation anyway and they knew that.I think i've had the notice because we've had to complain about things in the past and because the home don't want to deal with the bullying situation.You can imagine how I feel though..I have been waiting for months for the home to do something(the home has had a few changes of management along the way)and then they drop that bombshell.
I have an unusual illness so I am not going to be able to find other accomodaton quickly even on a temporary basis.Most people don't understand the illness I have.I was wondering if anyone on here knows of anyone who has been bullied by another resident and if you have any advice for me?I strongly feel that the bullying should be dealt with before I move on from here.I am barely ringing my bell at the moment because my neighbour is so aggressive.She wants control.I don't want to go to management again or put in a formal complaint as I have no faith in the people here.I just wish I knew who I could turn to.I wish I knew of somebody who would really fight my corner.

Please help.I have never felt more alone in my life.
Can you find a new care home? This is a online directory of care homes across all areas of Britain http://www.carehome.co.uk. What do your parents say? Are they able to help you or not? You do not need to suffer alone. Alternatively get in contact with the care quality commission and complain. Keep a diary of communication between you and the other resident. Use it as evidence.

Make sure to carefully vet the home.
Agree with this and the importance of getting in contact with someone who can help you and gather evidence. No need to suffer unnecessarily.