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I am being bullied at a care home - Carers UK Forum

I am being bullied at a care home

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
It is probably quite rare for non carers to post on here but I am at rock bottom and don't know of any other forums
I am in a care home in the young persons section and have been bullied by another resident for some months.I don't like using the word"bullying"as it is such a strong word and so widely used but I think it is the only word that fits.This resident is my neighbour and is verbally abusive day and night and will do everything in her power to keep me awake when am trying to sleep.My body needs sleep because of my illness.My neighbour even threatened my mother one night with her stick and tried to break down my door.She is unbalanced and will still slam her stick on the ground when my mum and I are near her.It is quite intimidating.I have spoken to different people but management aren't doing anything even after the incident with the threats.It doesn't help that the manager has quite a close relationship with the other resident and they chat a lot.I have never encountered a situation before where a manager and a resident have chatted to that extent.We approached the safeguarding people but they haven't been that supportive either and neither was the social worker who was assigned to me.CQC just said that they can't take on individual cases.To complicate things I have been given a 28 day(verbal)notice by the home but as it is just verbal at the moment I am not focusing too much on it.It doesn't make any sense because I was looking for my own accomodation anyway and they knew that.I think i've had the notice because we've had to complain about things in the past and because the home don't want to deal with the bullying situation.You can imagine how I feel though..I have been waiting for months for the home to do something(the home has had a few changes of management along the way)and then they drop that bombshell.
I have an unusual illness so I am not going to be able to find other accomodaton quickly even on a temporary basis.Most people don't understand the illness I have.I was wondering if anyone on here knows of anyone who has been bullied by another resident and if you have any advice for me?I strongly feel that the bullying should be dealt with before I move on from here.I am barely ringing my bell at the moment because my neighbour is so aggressive.She wants control.I don't want to go to management again or put in a formal complaint as I have no faith in the people here.I just wish I knew who I could turn to.I wish I knew of somebody who would really fight my corner.

Please help.I have never felt more alone in my life.
Hi Undermyduvet,

The problem with bullying is that if it isn't dealt with, it just continues. If the management aren't listening to your informal complaints, then a formal complaint really is your next step. If you feel uncomfortable making one, you could apply for an advocate. Has anyone else witnessed the bullying, in addition to your mum? If any other visitors have, they could complain on your behalf.

Melly1
Undermyduvet wrote:
Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:08 pm
It is probably quite rare for non carers to post on here but I am at rock bottom and don't know of any other forums
I am in a care home in the young persons section and have been bullied by another resident for some months.I don't like using the word"bullying"as it is such a strong word and so widely used but I think it is the only word that fits.This resident is my neighbour and is verbally abusive day and night and will do everything in her power to keep me awake when am trying to sleep.My body needs sleep because of my illness.My neighbour even threatened my mother one night with her stick and tried to break down my door.She is unbalanced and will still slam her stick on the ground when my mum and I are near her.It is quite intimidating.I have spoken to different people but management aren't doing anything even after the incident with the threats.It doesn't help that the manager has quite a close relationship with the other resident and they chat a lot.I have never encountered a situation before where a manager and a resident have chatted to that extent.We approached the safeguarding people but they haven't been that supportive either and neither was the social worker who was assigned to me.CQC just said that they can't take on individual cases.To complicate things I have been given a 28 day(verbal)notice by the home but as it is just verbal at the moment I am not focusing too much on it.It doesn't make any sense because I was looking for my own accomodation anyway and they knew that.I think i've had the notice because we've had to complain about things in the past and because the home don't want to deal with the bullying situation.You can imagine how I feel though..I have been waiting for months for the home to do something(the home has had a few changes of management along the way)and then they drop that bombshell.
I have an unusual illness so I am not going to be able to find other accomodaton quickly even on a temporary basis.Most people don't understand the illness I have.I was wondering if anyone on here knows of anyone who has been bullied by another resident and if you have any advice for me?I strongly feel that the bullying should be dealt with before I move on from here.I am barely ringing my bell at the moment because my neighbour is so aggressive.She wants control.I don't want to go to management again or put in a formal complaint as I have no faith in the people here.I just wish I knew who I could turn to.I wish I knew of somebody who would really fight my corner.

Please help.I have never felt more alone in my life.
Can you find a new care home? This is a online directory of care homes across all areas of Britain http://www.carehome.co.uk. What do your parents say? Are they able to help you or not? You do not need to suffer alone. Alternatively get in contact with the care quality commission and complain. Keep a diary of communication between you and the other resident. Use it as evidence.

Make sure to carefully vet the home.
Melly1 wrote:
Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:17 pm
Hi Undermyduvet,

The problem with bullying is that if it isn't dealt with, it just continues. If the management aren't listening to your informal complaints, then a formal complaint really is your next step. If you feel uncomfortable making one, you could apply for an advocate. Has anyone else witnessed the bullying, in addition to your mum? If any other visitors have, they could complain on your behalf.

Melly1
Thanks for your kind reply

We put in a formal complaint for another situation some time ago and it didn't go too well.I think the area manager gets involved and the problem is they're not neutral or at least the one we approached wasn't.I see what you're saying but I really don't think the people here care what happens to me.

Are the Onbuds people helpful?the ones that are linked to the council?Maybe I could Email them but I don't know what powers they have

It's all so complex because their was meant to be a safeguarding meeting to decide the next step with the situation but because the home have given me notice things have changed.I think they have partly done it to take back control of things.It's so messed up.

Another example of the homes strange method of dealing with things...Earlier on I asked the nurse to tell the carers not to check on me if I don't ring the bell(my neighbour hears them and thinks i'm reporting her),so the nurse spoke to management and they have given me a form to sign for my careplan but not said a word about the situation or whether they're going to help.It's as if they think because I have this notice that it doesn't matter and my feelings don't matter.
Hi, as far as I'm aware, the Ombudsman will only get involved if you make a formal complaint and feel it wasn't dealt with properly.

It must be very unsettling to know you need to move and annoying you have to rush looking for somewhere new, however, hopefully the new home will be better than this one.

Once you have left, definitely put in the formal complaint and then you can contact the ombudsman about both complaints you made.

Bowlingbun, sometimes suggests requesting a subject access (?) to your file from the home to see what they have on file about you. However, reading it can be upsetting, so unless you think it would help your case, I wouldn't do so.

Melly1
Has anyone here ever had experience of a relative being bullied either by a staff member or somebody else?

Melly1 wrote:
Sat Oct 19, 2019 11:45 am
Hi, as far as I'm aware, the Ombudsman will only get involved if you make a formal complaint and feel it wasn't dealt with properly.

It must be very unsettling to know you need to move and annoying you have to rush looking for somewhere new, however, hopefully the new home will be better than this one.

Once you have left, definitely put in the formal complaint and then you can contact the ombudsman about both complaints you made.

Bowlingbun, sometimes suggests requesting a subject access (?) to your file from the home to see what they have on file about you. However, reading it can be upsetting, so unless you think it would help your case, I wouldn't do so.

Melly1



Yes,I think I read that the usual process is a formal complaint then going outside(and CQC said similar)but obviously my situation is unusual so I wondered if there's ever exceptions

I need my own accomodation outside a home enviroment(that wasn't working)and was already looking for somewhere but I need time to do that as there's not much.Have been at this home quite a long time so obviously don't want to be forced out.

Thara,in reply to your post I am looking for my own accomodaton because it would be better for my illness not another home but thanks.
If you have a mobile phone that can record, then do so. This has provided useful evidence for a number of forum members, in various circumstances.
bowlingbun wrote:
Sat Oct 19, 2019 5:12 pm
If you have a mobile phone that can record, then do so. This has provided useful evidence for a number of forum members, in various circumstances.
Most of the verbal abuse takes place in my room so not sure if that would work?It might not be loud enough to pick up
There's only one way you'll find out, give it a go!
You can get those under cover cameras disguised as a teddy or a clock , is it worth trying to get one of those for video evidence?