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How to calm old people - Carers UK Forum

How to calm old people

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
Hi everyone, as far as you know the elderly tend to be more aggressive and hard-going, especially when they’re sick. I have to deal with my grandma’s anger every single day. I really don’t know how to calm her down easily and quickly. Would someone share with me your practical solution? Thank you very much.
Hi Tony & welcome

This much depends on what are the triggers for the outbursts.

Example: when you ask grandma to complete a task. What grandma to attended an appointment, make a shopping list etc etc.

What makes her most uncooperative. Does she have a physical medical condition. What is her age?
Hi Tony, welcome to the forum.
How old is grandma? Is she disabled?
Tell us more about her anger.
Has she always had a short fuse, or has it developed as she has got older?
Does she have dementia?
Is her anger verbal, or physical?
Does she frighten you
Hi Tony, hope you are doing okay. Just like bowlingbun said, tell us a bit more and we can certainly help you find a solution.

On my part, I will advise that for every reaction there is a reason, I used to have psychologist friend who chatted a lot with me about it, and according to him, people who do not have mental condition making them behaving erractic always have reason behind their actions. Sometimes anger is the only way they know how to express emotions, but the reality can be that underneath all of that ander your grandma might for example feel like being a burden and unknowingly has those outbursts to put distance between the two of you. The best way to get to the bottom of such things is to talk, look at things from their perspective and try to understand it in logical way. If she feels anger constantly, then in most cases it is caused by something ongoing in her current life. I mean, I am an example, I used to be coped up at home when my ability to walk has worsened, and before I got a for myself. Reason for my constant upset was due to that, and believe or not, I used to butt heads with my son constantly, who does lots of sports, being angry over everything. I think part of me was just upset about difference in our freedom and while it's not an excuse to lash out with anger, it was the reason. I am 100% your grandma has a reason for this pent up anger as well.

Of course, sometimes its just that peolpe have a short fuse, they are easily set off and are able to calm instantly thanks to that, Often times it is a mechanism which helps them to deal with various things. Dunno how to advise on that, a hobby maybe? Still the first step would be to find thereason WHY your grandma is so angry, again as bowlingbun said, do provide bit more details on this so we could try to find that reason together. Of course, also do take what I type with a grain of salt though, I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist myself, I have personal experience with anger issue, but I'm not a professional on the subject.

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