How do you stay calm and cheerful all the time?

[MissR]

How do you stay calm and cheerful all the time? I really need help with this. My husband has heart trouble now and needs a 100% stress free environment.

I used to work part time but when the company folded, I went on care allowance because I wasn't available for work full time. I did a day's work here and there, and forgot to declare one day's work 2 years ago. I have just come back from the Jobcentre, where I was told off and that I have replay this,and I am feeling upset and frustrated with myself.

Would it help to be on anti-depressants? I really really need to never have any mood other than 100% calm and cheerful, because of my husband's condition.

Thanks you for any advice

[Sparklingtechie]

Ok first of all going on anti depressents just to be cheerful is not a reason to go on them. To qualify going on them you have to be depressed and there is a criteria.

No one can be calm and cheeful 100% of the time, that is an unrealistic expection. Your husband has heart trouble that doesn't mean you have to suppress who you are to be with him. You might have to adapt depending on your peronsality, for example if you get upset over something instead of sharing it with him as a worry or stress...phone your best friend/ family support worker/ grown up child etc.

Take each day as it comes and remember to do one thing when things get tough...breath...step back and go in the garden and have a rant at the flowers.

[MissR]

It would be nice to have a garden. Instead we have a Council Estate carpark full of crackheads. But anyway, thanks for taking the time to reply. If I could a get a job maybe we could move and that would be better, but, there isn't time for me to work enough hours for us to be able to move to a nicer place.

[Sparklingtechie]

It would be nice to have a garden. Instead we have a Council Estate carpark full of crackheads. But anyway, thanks for taking the time to reply. If I could a get a job maybe we could move and that would be better, but, there isn't time for me to work enough hours for us to be able to move to a nicer place.

I used to have council property, there used to be an exhange list, would this not help you move? due to your hubbies heart condition it sounds like you would get medical points. Have a think about it. {{{{cyber hugs}}}

[charles47]

Hi MissR.

Sparklingtechie's right, it isn't possible to be "up" all the time - or we'd all be there. Not sure I could cope with that...

Heart conditions are scary, but I don't understand the need to be 100% stress free, because frankly that's an impossibility. Best thing to do is get some clear advice from people who understand heart conditions - and especially from your husband's consultant, who understands your husband's condition. S/he may be able to put your mind at rest too.

[ladybird]

Hello MissR

Please forgive me if I'm way off the mark here but it sounds to me like your hubby's mental health is a much bigger problem than his heart. I have experience of both heart failure and a heart attack in people close to me and although it is important to try and reduce stress levels as much as possible, it is not essential (nor possible!) to be 100% stress free.

Is this something hubby has told you he needs? Maybe this is his mental health condition talking..but trust me when I say that anti-depressants will not make you a cheerful robot! Having said that, if you are having a hard time dealing with everyday happenings (all totally understandable) then it is certainly worth going to the GP to discuss your options, as well as anti-d's there is counselling, therapies..you won't know until you go and have a chat.

But..and it's a big but..this has to be for you, not for your husband. It isn't possible for you to walk around trying to avoid rocking the boat constantly and to feel like you are walking on eggshells is an awful feeling.

So..go and see your doc. Maybe contact MIND for some info regarding your hubbys mental health condition. If hubby doesn't want you talking to his consultant then you can ask your GP for general info on heart failure, what helps, what doesn't etc.

And most importantly, try and keep writing here, you need an outlet for yourself. It's not disloyal to hubby if you want to express how you are feeling..after all, you are the one doing the caring.

[corgiee]

Hiya Miss R... have you spoken to yoru council ,,, you could possibly get a move because of the health of your hubby and how its affecting you. I dont know how old yous are but some councils do a scheme for the over 50s where you dont get all the riff raff and have a nice little bungalow or flat somewhere. Ask as you never know you may be in line for one. I am on citalopram ,, I have been for years now for depression,, then my hubby got problems and the gp prescribed them for him. He seems better for taking them and we are fortunate that we are in a street with no problems arising and we have a garden that we can sit out in and I do try and take my hubby out in the car with me each day. But think about having a word with the council. You may be surprised what they can help you with.

[MissR]

Thanks for your replies and concern. Unfortunately I made a big mistake when I moved in, before my husband had so many health problems. I was working at the time, and it felt like throwing money away to rent, and the mortgage would have been the same amount each month. We fell into that trap of thinking that owning property was a good idea. IF I was still working we could sell up and move, but with me out of work (and not able to work because his health has deteriorated) we can't move. Ok yes we could sell but the money we would end up with, we could live off it for a couple of years renting privately but be eligible for no benefits at all. I am thinking about this, but I just don't know.

As for anxiety I am seeing the GP next week.

I am only 45 and husband is 49. It really depresses me that we have to live like elderly people already. Sorry to say that. It's not good for our daughter who is only 6. This is SUCH a good argument against having children late. You never know what is going to happen to your health.

[corgiee]

I feel for you MissR,,, we all do things we think are a good idea at the time,,, but if we all knew what lies ahead of us we wouldnt do anything. I usually say things happen for a reason,, but for someones health to deteriorate is beyond my thinking as I cannot see for what reason that happens. Your life for you right now might look like a pile of poo , but try an get some help or advice from CAB or a social worker if you have one, you never know until you ask,, they have probably come across your sort of situ many times and will have the answers to help you. Best of luck and keep reporting back on here so we know how you are. xx

[MissR]

Thank you. After many phone calls and no one being able to help I do have an appointment at CAB in a few weeks. It's about another problem, but once I am in there I hope I can get all sorts of advice. Thanks.