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Carers UK Forum • Help please
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Help please

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 2:13 pm
by Michelle_2204123
Hi all
I'm looking for some advice my dad has vascular dementia and he's currently in a home. I want him to come and live with me but don't know who I contact.
Can somebody help me please

Re: Help please

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 2:15 pm
by bowlingbun
Welcome to the forum.

Dementia is a degenerative condition where someone needs more and more care, beyond the needs of one person.

Is there something wrong with the home?

Re: Help please

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 2:53 pm
by Michelle_2204123
bowlingbun wrote:
Tue Apr 26, 2022 2:15 pm
Welcome to the forum.

Dementia is a degenerative condition where someone needs more and more care, beyond the needs of one person.

Is there something wrong with the home?
I know all about Dementia and what it involves, I feel my dad needs his family more and more

Re: Help please

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 3:16 pm
by bowlingbun
No one wants residential care, but sometimes it is the only answer.
I'm not saying you must, or you must not bring him home, just want to make sure that it's going to work.

I had the loveliest mum in the world, never a cross word between us in 34 years of marriage. However, she developed dementia and after a fall, and some time in hospital, my father in law just couldn't manage to care for her any more.

My mum was so physically frail and needed so much care that the hospital told me that even with a live in carer, it wouldn't work for her to go home, where she lived alone. As I was disabled myself, and already caring for my son with brain damage, I couldn't help her.

What led your dad to be admitted in the first place?
How many family members are in a position to make a firm long term commitment to care for him?
Is there room for a hospital bed, facilities on ground floor for a bedroom and bathroom?
How is the current home funded, privately, by Social Services, or NHS Continuing Healthcare?

Re: Help please

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 3:55 pm
by Pet66
Hello Michelle
I certainly understand your feelings of wanting your Dad home.
My lovely husband developed vascular dementia along with other issues. We were happily married ( 48years when it happened) I certainly didn't want him to go into a nursing home, but was strongly advised it's was the only thing for his well being and mine.
I'm just asking you to consider really carefully before you decide on having him home. Like Bowlingbun of course I am not suggesting it's either right or wrong. A lady at the home took her husband out and back home with her. He became more confused and aggressive and very sadly had to go back into being cared for.
I feel for you very much

Re: Help please

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 4:10 pm
by Ingrid Carers UK
Hello Michelle

I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the forum and to highlight some of the ways you can connect with other carers.

We are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you'd like to and there's no pressure to share anything you don't want to. I'm sure you'll find others in a similar position to yourself.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:
Share and Learn: - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions

Care for a Cuppa:
This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups

And of course there is our Carers UK's helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)

Please have a look at the links Michelle, we would love you to join in one of our sessions, if you haven't already done so.

regards
Ingrid

Re: Help please

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2022 6:38 pm
by Michelle_2204123
Hi all
Thanks for comments,
My mum passed away in 2017 and we did a rota for my dad but everybody got fed up and my dad kept getting out of assisted living and forgetting where he was bless him social services said he needed a home, I love my Dad, I feel I could look after my dad and I will have lots of help. My dad is deteriorating alot and has been doing for the last 6 months, I think he will be better with me
It's a private run home

Re: Help please

Posted: Sun May 01, 2022 4:20 pm
by Melly1
HI Michelle,

it depends if he is the subject of a DOLS? You can read about DOLS here https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/a ... ds_fcs.pdf

If he isn't under a DOLS - he is free to leave.

However, if he is under a DOLS its more complicated. Do you have POA for health and welfare for him?

Melly1