discussing stuff with someone who doesn't want to know

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
How does one discuss things with someone who avoids anything unpleasant to him/her?

It's probably time to discuss nursing homes with my father. The trouble is, if I tell him anything he doesn't like, he stares at me blankly then starts talking about something else. Is there any way to handle such conversations (and, of course, it can be of anything to do with his life as it is) without being brutal?
You have to decide what YOU can and can't do, and then present him with an ultimatum, that from a certain date you cannot care for him any longer. Either he has carers come into the home or he moves into a nursing home. Sadly, if he needs a nursing home he may well be too ill mentally, or physically, to really realise how ill he is, so a rational discussion is impossible.
https://www.independentage.org/informat ... versations
This American website has some suggestions too
Try writing a letter to him with all the reasons why you are not going to be providing the care you are now providing, and handing it to him.

If he doesn't read it (eg, just glances and puts it aside), in the same way as he changes the subject if you raise it with him, it's clear he's in denial (understandably in a way) and hoping the problem will 'go away' and you will just 'keep caring'.

How much have you researched care homes near you, and looked at finances, and what will happen to where your dad is living now, etc etc? Get the practicalities of moving him into a care home sorted, and then you will feel you are 'ready to move him'.
jenny lucas wrote:
Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:30 pm
Try writing a letter to him with all the reasons why you are not going to be providing the care you are now providing, and handing it to him.
Alas, all his glasses are at home. I can retrieve them, but he admits he failed to throw the old ones out and the new ones are muddled in with them, and he doesn't know which to use. At the moment, that's another obstruction I'd have to sort out for him because he doesn't.
If he doesn't read it (eg, just glances and puts it aside), in the same way as he changes the subject if you raise it with him, it's clear he's in denial (understandably in a way) and hoping the problem will 'go away' and you will just 'keep caring'.
Agreed.
How much have you researched care homes near you, and looked at finances, and what will happen to where your dad is living now, etc etc? Get the practicalities of moving him into a care home sorted, and then you will feel you are 'ready to move him'.
Not at all. I've spoken to social Services - they've assigned yet another caseworker to him (the third in six months), though this one has some experience and sounds as though he knows his way around the system. At the moment, he seems to want to set things up for Dad to be at home. Fine. He wants to see Dad with me. Fine. He wants to arrange a complete maximum caring package for Dad at home, with no involvement from me as a carer. Fine. As far as I know, he's got three working days to sort this out before the hospital assessment and discharge. Plus a Mental Capacity Assessment for Dad. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Dad lives in rented accommodation. he has just enough money in the bank to self-fund for a while. Not for long. I don't have the emotional resources at the moment to sort out the next few days plus researching residential care, unfortunately. :(
Then get Social Services to do it for you. Just because he may be self funding for a while doesn't mean they can ignore him. Ultimately, it is their job, not yours.