Can we move house?

Share your ideas about the practical side of caring.
Great info Jenny thanks.

I already have poa health and finance

She will not want to move but I am still looking into it in case I could bear to go through the upheaval and to be by the sea again ...
Jacqueline, having been brought up on the coast near Bournemouth, I really understand your desire to be near the sea again. Apart from working in Switzerland for a few months when I was 18, I've always lived near the sea. If I'm fed up for any reason a walk or even just a drive along the sea front seems to have an effect on me.
Even if you don't feel able to move at the moment, promise yourself that one day you will be back there. It doesn't hurt to make plans for the future if it makes the present more bearable.
The Sea! The Sea!

Yes, indeed, air to breathe and places to walk, both along the beach and above on the cliffs etc. One is always 'free' by the sea.

Couldn't agree more. :)
Jaqueline - meant to say - so sorry, yes, your mum WOULD have to pay stamp duty on a new house, but only at 'normal rate' .I was thinking of the 'rip off' rates for second home owners.
That said, if you ended up owning both (ie, by leveraging the value of the first to raise a mortgage to buy the second one), you WOULD have to pay the second home stamp duty - unless you sold the first home within three years, then you can claim the 'excess' back (it, it would only end up being the 'normal' rate).

There are some good online calculators for what stamp duty is, at various categories, including second home, in respect of purchase price.
Hi Jaqueline
I remember the nearly 60 part of your thread but I can't remember the health conditions of your mum that you are caring for, I think they were fairly extensive? I am wondering if you should read up on what a POA can and can't do in terms of selling the house. Can you prove it is for your mum's benefit and her best interests as opposed to what you want yourself?
I would be very cautious about moving at this time myself. The amount of stress with full time care, potential care home fundiong worries and possible End of Life concerns in the next couple of years , that is more than enough stress for anyone to deal with. Would things really be better in all the chaos and stress of moving? If you have an approximate time frame of caring in all liklihood for example 2 or 3 years , is it better to sit tight and deal with things at a probate stage?
There are strong pros and cons in either way, alas. No 'easy decison'.

The thing is, in the end we all take a gamble on just how long our parent will live - it really boils down to that. Impossible to call it with any great degree of accuracy - even the medics never seem to be able to do so. They die when they die. It's about all we can say.

I do think that taking two sheets of A 4 paper and starting to jot down the 'pros and cons', and listing any and all the issues that would have to be addressed if you move (including, of course, potential nursing care for your mum, and where the nearest hospital would be, etc etc etc), and then organise them into two overall lists - Pro and Con.

And see which is longer! (More or less!)

However, sometimes we just have to follow our 'gut instincts'. It's the chestnut - is it better to regret NOT doing something, or doing it??

I agree so much depends on your age, and how close you are to 60. That, at least, is predictable, even if nothing else is!

Pertinant point about whether selling the current house is in your mum's interests! I guess you could argue that if you don't, you might not be able to continue looking after her yourself??
My interests are mothers iterests! I want to be nearer friends and therefore support, I do have friends here as well but the village by the sea was my home before I moved in with mother.

She says I should do what is best for me as does my brother.

It would free up lots of money so surely the council would be glad!?

Do want mother to be at home as long as poss. I will be magic house saving 60 in two years time. I want to live now.

How can I prove that a move would be in my mums best interests? How could anyone prove that it wasnt?

Good point re stress but hoping to drastically downsize thus letting go of most of our possessions therefore minimising stress!

Life hey?

Got some great carers here.

Going to do the A4 lists. Thanks all x
Hi Jacqueline
Have found this in one of the Ombudsman cases today and thought you'd be interested,
Ms T says the Council failed to apply a property disregard.
For the first 12 weeks of residential care, the value of a person’s home is not taken into consideration by the Council in its assessment of how much they should contribute towards their care home costs. This is to allow someone time to decide whether they want to stay in care permanently without the pressure of having to sell their property immediately.
This did not apply in Mr R’s case because he had capital significantly above the threshold of £23,250 and so was not eligible for the property disregard scheme. The scheme only applies to people who do not have enough savings, income or assets apart from their property to pay for the full cost of their care.
I didn't know the last bit before now
Jacqueline,

"Drastically downsizing letting go of possessions". I have emptied the houses of two people who have died, and gradually I too am reducing the amount of "stuff" in my own house. Streamlining it to the bare minimum. However, there are many demands on my time, and it takes, far, far longer than you would ever believe. We converted our garage to a Granny Annexe for me after a serious car accident. It was full of "stuff", especially as it had a loft area, I miss having somewhere handy to put things out of the way, although I do have a very large shed in the garden.

If you are thinking about downsizing, it will be much easier for you, whenever you do it, to start now, so that when the time DOES come to move, it will go as smoothly as possible.

Perhaps you should have a PROJECT MOVE ring binder, with Jenny's pros and cons in one section, and want stuff needs to go.
If it is useful, but of little value, sign up to Freecycle so it can be collected from your home.
Donate stuff to charity shops.
Sell on Gumtree (I sold my mother's Ercol furniture collection on Gumtree and raised over £10,000. The advantage of Gumtree over ebay is that you have more control over the price, and it's very easy.
Anything of sentimental value that you don't want to sell but are not currently using can go in a Really Useful Box from Staples or similar. Do NOT buy above the 60 litre size unless it's for something like Tupperware, as it will be too heavy to sell.
Be sure to label the boxes clearly!

I still have lots of stuff I'm giving the Evil Eye to, but I don't have a lot of free time. I doubt you do either, so the sooner you start, the easier the move will be.
Good advice! And it will 'put you in the mood' as well, and something to 'get going with' over Xmas and so on.

Hopefully, too, if you get your mum to help select what goes what stays etc, it will be nice 'memory and reflection and bonding' time with her.

Only thing I find when sorting out 'stuff' is that the 'Keep' pile is easy (no brainers, definitely want to keep) and the 'Chuck' pile is easy (again, no brainers, definitely don't want it)......but it's the 'Hmm, Can't Decide!' pile that is the nightmare!!!!!!

One rule I try and adopt is the 'Representative Sample' rule. So, for example, if you have a pile of 'similar things', then you keep a 'Representative Sample' but check the rest. It can prune down that wretched Cant' Decide pile!

My other tip is this - put everything you don't want, and intent to either take to the rubbish tip or give to charity, into a big bin liner, then tie it up and DO NOT OPEN IT AGAIN!!!! If you open it again to 'check' you'll end up NOT getting rid of most of it!!!!