[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
I need some help - so so worried. - Page 7 - Carers UK Forum

I need some help - so so worried.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
71 posts
Anne001 wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 10:21 am
Hi Luke,

I was in a similar position with my mum.

First things first, DO NOT give your job up. This will be your lifeline as time goes by. Sadly, you can't make nan well and if she has dementia, she will get worse. Also, and I had to learn this with my mum, you can't make her happy. Any dementia assessment can be done at home; all my mum's visits were at home. They would be arranged by the GP in the first instance.

If four care visits a day are not enough and it sounds as if they are not, nan will need to go into a nursing home. NB, a nursing home, not a care home as you need to find a home which will look after her until the very end of her life. I know how difficult it is when you are working but if you can get any holiday, unpaid leave etc, use that time to visit nursing homes and see which one you would like nan in.

You then have to harrass Social Services and tell them that you and nan cannot cope, cannot continue etc etc and that she needs to be in a nursing home. Social Services will do a financial assessment to see if nan has to pay anything towards her care.

Incidentally, worth checking with Carers UK Helpline if nan is getting all the benefits she is entitled to. In my mum's case I used her Attendance Allowance to pay for a gardener and cleaner. It meant that between carer visits, someone else was coming into the house while I was at work. I also paid for a dementia sitter, someone to visit twice a week, from Age UK.

I wish you luck, a very difficult time. Anne
Thank you, but regarding social services what do I do if Nan is insists that she wants to be at home. They feel at the moment she can still make her own decisions.

How does the process of a dementia assessment typically go? How long until diagnosed ?

Will they take in mine and families worries into consideration?
Nan been admitted again to hospital. With left side pain. Rapid breathing. Carers are really good. Stayed with Nan in her own time.
Oh dear, Luke, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. Your nan in hospital, out, in, out and in again. At least the carers seem to be good. I hear so many stories on this forum of slap-dash carers.

You will need to be strong as you go through this difficult time. As others have said, keep your job up. Without a career you will be leaning on society, not doing our bit to support it and you will be much less use to others. Make sure your manager is aware of the situation.

Whatever happens next, do keep in touch.
Denis_1610 wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 8:14 am
Oh dear, Luke, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. Your nan in hospital, out, in, out and in again. At least the carers seem to be good. I hear so many stories on this forum of slap-dash carers.

You will need to be strong as you go through this difficult time. As others have said, keep your job up. Without a career you will be leaning on society, not doing our bit to support it and you will be much less use to others. Make sure your manager is aware of the situation.

Whatever happens next, do keep in touch.
Work management seems understanding.


I want to be able to discuss things with my nans dr on her behalf, should that be phone or face to face etc.,

If I wrote a letter

And got Nan to sign it When she comes home would a dr surgery accept that?
Luke_20051 wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 6:21 pm


Thank you, but regarding social services what do I do if Nan is insists that she wants to be at home. They feel at the moment she can still make her own decisions.

.........but can she take care of herself?

Anyone can make a decision, but it has to be a rational decision.
Ayjay wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 8:53 pm
Luke_20051 wrote:
Fri May 22, 2020 6:21 pm


Thank you, but regarding social services what do I do if Nan is insists that she wants to be at home. They feel at the moment she can still make her own decisions.

.........but can she take care of herself?

Anyone can make a decision, but it has to be a rational decision.
Not without carers. For example say they come in the morning get up out of bed washed and fed. And for some reason while I was at work carers didn’t turn up. She would probably be stuck in chair: no food drink and needing to be changed. Which I couldn’t do for her.
You must be strong and stand up for yourself and your life Luke.
I did try to warn you.
Now it's vital she has a dementia assessment before discharge anywhere. People with dementia just can't see their situation properly.
bowlingbun wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 10:26 pm
You must be strong and stand up for yourself and your life Luke.
I did try to warn you.
Now it's vital she has a dementia assessment before discharge anywhere. People with dementia just can't see their situation properly.
I have asked for one which I think they want to do in the community. I have been standing up for myself but they still say she has metal capacity to make decisions.
Luke_20051 wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 6:28 pm
bowlingbun wrote:
Sat May 23, 2020 10:26 pm
You must be strong and stand up for yourself and your life Luke.
I did try to warn you.
Now it's vital she has a dementia assessment before discharge anywhere. People with dementia just can't see their situation properly.
I have asked for one which I think they want to do in the community. I have been standing up for myself but they still say she has metal capacity to make decisions.
I don't think you realise quite how tough you have to be with these people.

So long as you've made it quite clear to Social Services and the Hospital that you can't care for her (preferably in writing & Recorded Delivery) - let them get on with it, and then ask what their Care Plan involves.
They have already mucked up one discharge. It is not fair on her to go in and out of hospital again. They must now properly assess her, a full Continuing Healthcare Assessment, nor just a dementia assessment.
71 posts