Worried what will happen to me

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi everyone, I joined here a while back but found it all to complicated and stuck my head back in the sand. I'll be as brief as I can.
For over 20 years I've been caring for my Husband, he has multiple long term illnesses and receives both elements of PIP at the higher rate. We can cope ok financially but were both in our 60's now and the future scares me. I have to be realistic and say that soon I will be on my own and I have no idea how I will manage, this is not me being selfish, I'm just scared. I've never been an official carer, when we looked into it I got the impression we would not be any better off and the whole thing looked very daunting, we were fighting through the assessment process and didn't really need any more stress. I inquired a while back about my pension and they said I would be ok, but I dont trust them, we've been lied to so many times its sickening.

I haven't been able to work in all these years and feel ashamed, I feel like I'm begging all the time.

I suppose my question is, should I apply to be a carer now ? will it help in any way ? will it make any difference to my pension ? I worry that my pension will be reduced and I will be forced from my home. We live in a rented council house and have been hit be the bedroom tax, it's impossible to downsize, there simply aren't any smaller properties to move to.
Isabell, I can understand your anxiety. Others here know a lot more than me about the ins and outs of carers allowance, impact on pension etc. (I believe, you know, that you can't actually claim CA once you are getting your state pension!).

Just wanted to say that as for feeling you are 'begging'....NOOOOOOOO.

Think about it - if YOU were not spending your time looking after your husband the state would have to pay professionals to do so at MUCH GREATER COST to the taxpayer than you 'charge' them!!!!!!!

Family carers save the state a FORTUNE. Never ever think otherwise, and never undestimate what you do and NEVER feel you are 'begging'.


I do hope others here can guide you through the minefield, and hopefully set your mind at ease a little.

Kindest wishes, Jenny
Hi Isabell, I am a widow, and entirely understand that you are daunted about what the future holds for you. There are two options, either you can totally bury your head in the sand, as my mum did when dad was dying, or you can make a plan for the future. Inevitably there are lots of things out of your control, especially when you will be on your own, but the more you do now, the more you will feel in control, and therefore the easier it will be to face what comes.
Start a notebook now, jot down what you are worried about, and then gradually work through things, starting with what is worrying you most.
Carers UK has a brilliant helpline which can check whether you are getting everything you are entitled to now. They can also talk about what your future financial situation is going to look like.
I've been involved with the death of close family members.
I know it's something you don't want to think about, but have you decided which funeral director you want to use? How much will it cost? Once you have decided this, have a word with them, to say that "when the time comes..." then a quick phone call to them, when you will be very upset, will be much easier than investigating at a time of crisis.
Where you will live in the future is a big issue. Put your practical head on, and think about whether or not you can manage your existing home and garden on your own.
I could go on and on, this is just a rough idea. Feel free to ask the forum members about anything and everything caring related, and we can help.
In the meantime, are you getting any outside help with your caring?
Thank you both for the kind words and help, we dont get any help at all from our Council, they really are a shameful bunch, they can find tens of millions for their own pet projects but nothing for social care. I spoke to a friend just recently who cares for for her 80 year old Mother, she does a 50 mile round trip each day, after months of pleading for help she gave up, she now pays £15 an hour for a carer to go round, if she had to do this all the time that would come to £840 a week, there us something very wrong with our society.

I'm dreading applying to be a carer for my Husband but I think I have to now, what do you think ?
The help someone gets from a council depends on their financial position. Generally speaking (and everyone's situation is different) If someone needs care at home, and has over £23,000 approx. then they should pay for their own care. So if your friends mum had over this amount, she would be expected to pay her daughter for the care she provides.
If you are under pension age, and not working then of course you should apply for Carers Allowance if you meet the other criteria. It is there to support someone who is caring.
What exactly is wrong with your husband? If he needs a lot of care, and is nearing the end of his life, he might qualify for NHS Continuing Healthcare. This can be something of a postcode lottery, but worth looking into.
I think with my friend she just couldn't cope any more and decided to pay, she pay's not her Mum. I went through the same thing with my Mother a few years ago, we tried for over a year to get help, the day before someone was finally coming she died. I was traveling through on the bus each day while still looking after my husband, we had no PIP at that time, they had declared him "fit for work".

My Husband has severe heart problems, he had operations years ago which are now failing, he also has severe lower back problems and is housebound, in total he has 11 long term illnesses. I would care for him till the end of time, he was my first and only love but I have to face up to things, I have grown up children and grandchildren, I want to be there for them as long as I can.

I've never asked for anything for myself and I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I feel pretty useless and helpless.
Hi Isabelle

I have recently requested a copy of my National Insurance credits and this would be worth doing. If you have gaps it might be worth making some voluntary contributions - here is the link- I applied on line but there are alternatives.
https://www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

I have now sent off to see if I have built up enough pension credits and awaiting their reply -it would be well worth you doing this to see where you stand. here is the link
https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension
Thank you, very helpful, I'll do the same.
Isabell, you are no good to your husband if you get ill. I tried to be Superwoman for too long and nearly died as a result, my husband then had a massive heart attack and he died. Accept that you need a little bit of help, so you can look after yourself better.