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Wife of a tbi survivor - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Wife of a tbi survivor

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
caravanj wrote:
crocus wrote:
caravanj wrote:But at a quick meeting with her she'd probably seem ok to a casual observer.
Oh yes, it happens all the time. What you might call a mixed blessing. :dry:
Hello Crocus,

Yes it is a mixed blessing.

The upside is she doesn't attract any strange stares when we go out but the downside is that people seem to have difficulty in accepting that she needs any care.

There seems to be a widely held view that care is only needed for those with obvious visible physical or mental problems.
Quite :(
Jenny - having an exceptionally good memory for things that have happened in the past, but not being able to remember things that happened yesterday is absolutely typical of short-term memory loss. You will have to forgive me if I am a bit snippy over this, but I am fed up with people assuming that my hubby has problems due to depression or some other form of MH issue, when he doesnt. The temporal lobe has major memory involvement and any injury there is almost guaranteed to cause some form of memory problem.
Crocus, hi - I guess it depends what Carvanj's wife's long term photographic memory was like pre- her accident?

I suppose I tend, in general, to come from the other direction to you - in that in a way, to me, it is actually 'comforting' (not the right word at all, but read on!), when there is a clear physical injury to the brain, and therefore, to the mind. My husband's brain tumours definitely had an effect on his mind, no doubt at all, so I am with you on the hymn sheet in the premise that physical injury to the brain impacts the mind!

My own (very personal) feeling is that in some ways, knowing that there is a 'physical' cause rather than a 'mental' cause is less frustrating. Again, for personal reasons (probably my childhood with my MH mum!), I find MH intensely frustrating and I would be the world's worse carer of someone with MH.

But I guess one thing is indisputable - the inter-relationship between 'brain' and 'mind' is still very, very unclear and to a large extent remains mysterious.

For Carvanj' and his wife, the combo of MH plus TBI must be exceptionally difficult to cope with.
jenny lucas wrote:When you say 'almost photographic memory', especially about things that have gone wrong in your wife's life, I am brought vividly to mind of my own mother, who was (probably!) bipolar and schizophrenic (never formally diagnosed, but she deeply believed she was being followed everywhere and spied on through the TV and constantly bugged, etc etc, so there was definitely something significantly impaired with her mental health!).
Many assumptions there. I would suggest that, unless we know the full history of cranial trauma, and indeed psychological trauma, making simplistic assumptions is unhelpful. No one case is the same as any other, therefore, making such comparisons is both unsafe, and could indeed prove detrimental.

Oidhche mhath!

As I've replied to Crocus, it depends what Carvanj's wife's 'almost photographic' memory was like before her TBI, doesn't it?

I put forward a possible hypothesis as to it being caused/associated with MH issues, not TBI issues, as was the case with my own mother. I made no 'assumptions' so pleased don't accuse me of it.

Let's try and keep these posts mutually supportive, shall we? Even if we have different opinions about things!

KR, Jenny
My wife had an unhappy childhood and a very abusive 1st marriage.

For the 8 years that I've known her she's always tended to dwell on the negative parts of her life which would coincide with her depression, but since the bang on her head her short term memory, in conjunction with her cognitive abilities, has deteriorated quite profoundly, so in the absence of a formal medical diagnosis I'm working on the basis that her current condition is a combination of both factors.

In caring for someone with depression the carer has to avoid being dragged down into the black hole because the carer is of no use it they're not in a position to help the caree to get back out of the black hole.
Taking this back to the original poster, I just wanted to welcome Lorinda to the forum. good to have you with us!

Bell x
Hi Lorinda and welcome to the forum,.