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Where to Start...? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Where to Start...?

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Daniel have you thought about contacting Al Anon? - a support group for families of alcoholics. I think the feelings you have are normal. I think you have gone the extra mile and you have a duty of care to yourself now. I do agree you need some support and some counselling right now.

This is a safe place to chat and frankly I am amazed you coped so long.

I hope you will come to terms with things and can hopefully move on and have a life of your own.

Sometimes walking away is the bravest thing to do.....
Thanks to everyone who's replied, and for all of the kind words. I will reply to your posts individually, but I just wanted to check in.

So we're five days in now and i'm definitely finding things tough. I can't lie, I miss her, but it doesn't change what she did and yet again how little consideration she had for herself or others.

I have to say i'm slightly surprised she's not tried to reach out yet. I know she's doing ok (her friend is keeping tabs on her for me). I'm getting the feeling from her side she's doing her usual trick of painting me as 'unreasonable' and 'oversensitive' to justify it all to herself. It's my son's 2nd birthday next week, so I guess that will be indicate whether she wants to try or not.

The only way i'd consider any form of reconcilation is if she's willing to make major changes, but given what we know about her i'm going to guess that will be unlikely.

When someone's been such a major part of your life for so long (good or bad), letting them go is tougher than you ever imagine it will be.

I'll keep in touch.
I was very concerned that you had posted the card and money through her door, as that's not very wise.
It would have been better to put the money back into the back account and then hand the card to the bank so that they can cut it up and enter this on their records, so that you are "squeaky clean". I haven't read all your posts (been away with disabled son) but if possible get the money back, as she is so irrational and cannot be trusted to tell the truth!
I wish someone had told me that my mum had "issues" 30 years ago, that nothing I ever did would change her hoarding habits, and that she had well disguised agoraphobia, and other things. I spent my life trying to do the right thing whilst dad worked away from home regularly and left me to do anything she needed outside the home during his absences, despite having a learning disabled child to look after too.
Please accept that your mum is not normal, that nothing will ever change her or be good enough. Then move away and build a happy new life for yourself. This is well deserved, and what any normal mother should wish for her child.
All I can say is good for you. I hope telling your story here has helped. You have done the right thing.

I can relate to the ambiguous grief that Pet mentions. I've been through this with both parents.

Please stay strong and now put your wife and children first. Give your children the childhood you didn't have without having it marred by grandma's behaviour. I put my parents needs before my kids for a long time and seriously regret it.

Keep us posted.