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Carer for spouse with onset of vascular dementia. - Carers UK Forum

Carer for spouse with onset of vascular dementia.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
My husband is suffering from the onset of vascular dementia. It affects our life every day. I am transitioning into the carer roll and it is awkward, to say the least. I have no problem with caring for this lovely man. I struggle with what to say to family and friends for fear it is complaining. When asked how he is I say he is fine, and he is today. He may not remember what he had for breakfast but when he talks to you on the phone to old friends he sounds like himself.
His attention span is nil and cannot get interested in reading or anything he used to do. He watches TV all day. He sleeps a lot. I try to get him out of the house a few times a week and he enjoys that. He has mobility problems, heart failure and COPD.


I am relatively healthy. Some aches and pains, but am not hindered in my ability in any way to care for him. I need patience and understanding during this transition. Thanks for letting me vent.
I think you need to share - who you trust. Will not be judgemental! Eventually people will see for themselves - no explanation necessary.

Going forward you will need a lot of support. Start thinking of a support network. Including how you will access respite for both of you. Either in your home or elsewhere.

Planning is key.

You say you are healthy now but that will properly change. There is a lot of emotional attachments to being a full time carer. Which is effectively what might happen.

However, It's not all doom and gloom.

Have you had a needs assessment. Does you husband receive all he is entitled too.
Hello Ruth , welcome to the forum
Sad to read your husband has onset vascular dementia.
Do you realise you can get a discount on council tax for someone with dementia. It will help with needs.
My late husband had vascular dementia caused by strokes. Before diagnosed, I used to despair, and wonder what was happening to my lovely husband who was intelligent, and always had a thirst to learn. Sadly he needed a nursing home as he eventually only had the use of one hand, and could be aggressive. ( Never an aggressive man before)
At home I would let him watch TV and sleep, as he had forgotten how to read, do crosswords etc. When anyone asked how he was , I learnt to tell the truth.As in one day he could be very lucid, another, would confabulate. If he had been difficult I would say, and gladly tell when he had been a sweetheart. I got to the point where I thought to myself " well you did ask"! My daughter used to say it felt like an ever revolving door, and I felt it was a long goodbye to the man who had always been my rock.
Do you manage some time for yourself, as it's definitely needed, even if to meet a friend for a cuppa?
Others will be along with advice and you can rant as much as you want, no one judges or minds!