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what can I do for the best in this situation? - Page 6 - Carers UK Forum

what can I do for the best in this situation?

Tell us a bit about yourself here.

Just really to add about the counselling I've recently finished a course of counselling it was for bearevement and haven't been coping too well and anxiety.

Anyway I went through my GP he referred me so as it was on the NHS it was free there was a bit of a wait your on a waiting list if you don't mind waiting a wee while it is worth it.

Hope that's a help to you and you manage to get this awful situation sorted asap.

Take care of yourself.


Liz xx
I agree with all that has been said. We only live once, either you do something or you'll be stuck with this useless man for the rest of your life. However I completely understand that exactly how to go about this is difficult and worrying. You could do with some support from someone in authority for this. I also understand that the tenancy issue is worrying you. Might I suggest that you take some legal advice on this - I don't know what is in your area, so it's difficult to say who would be most appropriate. Perhaps a rights organisation, a carers group, or Citizen's Advice. It might be worth keeping a diary for a few days, which you can then show the GP etc. I've had Oramorph after a major operation, it made me feel odd, and that was laid in bed! You have a right to a better life than this. Jill
Forgive me as I've not read all of your postings but I have read quite a few and feel compelled to post.

Regarding your tenancy/house - I'm guessing you really like your home and that's why you scarifice your life to stay?

Or maybe you stay because your partner is ill and in pain and you think he has every right to physically, verbally and emotionally abuse you?

Perhaps you think one day you'll find a way to change his behaviour/lifestyle? - it's not going to happen all the time you're with him and meeting his every need.

Blunt? Yes and I make no apologies. You are in danger. The longer you remain in this situation the worse the odds get either you're going to get seriously hurt or you will seriously hurt him. You need to leave. Nobody can do it for you. You can't financially afford to live where you are, seek council housing - anywhere or a womens' refuge. Your son, can he help? Is he aware of the situation? Have you told him or are you too ashamed of the way you've let this man treat you?

If you're still reading my post then some if not all of what I've written is relevant.
I do not write so bluntly to upset you but because I've been in a similar situation and it was through a total stranger talking to me via the internet in a similar fashion that I realised the danger I and my children were in.

It is not your shame that this man treats you so appallingly. It is not your fault, and unfortunately there is absolutely nothing you can do that will ever change this man to either how he was once or how you'd like him to be. He is not your responsibility.

Please confide in your friends, people at work and most importantly your son. It may shock them if you've done a good job of hiding the abuse (I did), but you will find support and you must tell.

Please find the strength before it's too late. Don't remain in the same situation for another year, value your life and your needs above his. He'll take you down with him, there's no magic wand, nobody's going to rescue you, you've got to get the help by asking, shouting if necessary, just make sure everyone can hear: GP, Social Services, Local Council, local Carers support, womens' refuge - try them all and keep trying.
I guess I am still in this situation because I can't afford to be out of it basically, I have not a penny to my name to move to a bedsit or house share which is all I could afford, I could not even afford a one bedroom flat rentwise, I've asked about help with deposits, I've asked for discretionary housing benefit payments while I sort myself out, the answer is no, I have been in tears on the phone to the housing department in the past. And no I know he won't change. My son is aware, he hates the situation but he can't give me any practical help. It's an expensive area, we have the tiniest two bedroom house imaginable and the rent is £700 a month. I don't earn that in a month.