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what can I do for the best in this situation? - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

what can I do for the best in this situation?

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Can't you just pack everything he owns into black bin bags and chuck it out shortly followed by him? Have you no male relatives who could haul him out of the bed and just dump him outside - maybe it would be the wakeup call he needs. I really feel for you - you are stuck with a bully.

Please please please get rid of this "man" He is an abuser. And the abuse is escalating. He has already squashed you in the door.What if he beats you up next or worse. You are already being abused mentally emotionally and psychologically and financially as well as you are working to keep him and he treats you like this,abuses you and shows you no respect. He is abusing you and he is using you as well. Take care and make sure you see your doctor soon hon
Gad I feel like punching his lights out for you!! Image Your man is a real bully, he's NOT in the pain he says he is, he's just a selfish *******!
I know, so easy for me to say. I have had to live with my wife's mental illness for 50yrs and some of these traits you mention have reared their ugly head in our marriage. This I've put down to her mental state at the time. I realise that she has bullied me mentally on many occasions, but I've always stood firm and won in the end. Then the apologies have come with the tears. I love my wife very much and know that she cant help it, but it's still no excuse.

There's very good advise the others have given you. One day you will be happy again, of that I'm quite sure.

Hope you can access the help you need.

When my mum was "waiting for God" she had oramorph liquid, but i had to keep a strict record of the amounts and times she had it, even though she was suffering enormous pain with terminal cancer on top of her dementia. Twice I couldn`t bear to hear her howl in the night and the OOH doctor came to inject her with pethidine, but only after he had checked the medication list "in case she dies with an overdose of the two drugs together"

The GP your husband dominates and bullies to get his oramorph should be reported to the BMA.

Take care
My late husband also had oramorph ( the very concentrated liquid ) and I had to measure it out in mls in an oral measuring syringe and keep a strict note of the cumulative dosages as he also had slow release morphine. Because of the effect of the opiates he could not always remember when his last dose had been taken, had he been drawing up the doses himself (I kept the 'restricted ' drugs in a locked cupboard out of his reach) he'd have doubled up without realising it. It's certainly not a drug to be self administering willy nilly, does your GP know that your OH is doing this or has he lied to the GP and said that someone else measures it out for him at strictly regulated times? Take care of yourself
I've been to GP today to make another appointment, tuesday week is the soonest they can see me, also called in at CAB who were very sweet and kind but didn't have anyone who could advise me re where I stand with the tenancy, what rights I have to ask him to leave if I decide to do that, I have an appointment to see someone else there next week so hope they will have more information.
With reference to the oramorph, no I've never heard anything about the need to keep tabs on what's taken, he drinks it straight from the bottle which I am sure the GP is not aware of, he also has the slow release morphine tablets and still says he is in constant pain?? Image
Thanks again so much everyone, it's all helping.
With reference to the oramorph, no I've never heard anything about the need to keep tabs on what's taken, he drinks it straight from the bottle which I am sure the GP is not aware of, he also has the slow release morphine tablets and still says he is in constant pain?? Image
AAAAaaargh!! he must be stoned out of his tiny mind.... What you've got is a drug addict. Even when my OH was in the hospice before he died the nurses kept an eye on how much and what type of pain relief was given so as to keep any unpleasant side effects to a minimum while relieving the pain. Your GP needs to know about the 'swigging' as a matter of urgency so that if he is in pain ( and not just being a druggy pain in the a**e ) then he can be admitted to hospital for a proper assessment (........ and you can change the locks while he's gone Image )
Oramorph !!!!!

Even my normally sweet tempered Mum gets quite aggresive on oramorph or any other type of opiate painkiller. When she had her first knee replaced (2002) she actually attacked the nurses; so when she had the second one done (2007) we told them she didn't tolerate morphine well and they put her on Fentanyl instead but that's also an opiate - result she had a go at them again Image Image Then when she had the fall and broke ribs in her back last November they gave her oramorph again as nothing else relieved the pain she was in - result was complete confusion which resulted in my having to move in with her when she was discharged.

I still say that having the morphine in 2002 was the beginning of her dementia as she was acting totally out of character; although the real confusion didn't really start until after the 2nd knee operation and it's all been downhill since then Image

I think you should try to get an earlier appointment with your GP - explain that it's an emergency and that you need to see someone much sooner, don't let them fob you off - all practices keep a certain number of appointments free for emergencies.
hi everyone, well I went to the CAB last week and found out my partner has no right of occupancy so I can in theory ask him to leave but, as I thought, I can't afford to live here on my own, not even close. If there was any way of getting a flat (I have no deposit or rent up front) it would be unpleasantly tight financially and of course the more I earn the less housing benefit I get so the massive leap to earning what I'd need to get off housing benefit and be independent is impossible so am pretty stuck. I've been advised that I have every right to call the police when he's being verbally abusive and threatening and indeed that is what I should do but I know that would make things a lot worse to be honest.
I've also been to the GP to ask for counselling which GP is happy to arrange, he was pretty noncommital over the morphine issue, seems it is not policy for them to interfere in anyone's lifestyle, ie if they choose to refuse physio and go down the 'pill route' as he phrased it and spend the rest of their life in bed it's not the GP's place to say anything. My partner has changed GPs recently so my GP is not his GP so it may be more appropriate to try and speak to his GP about the oramorph. I should hear about the counselling within 4 weeks Image I don't feel any further forward to be honest. I had a long lecture recently on how all this unpleasantness is my fault and could be avoided if I would just listen and do as I'm told and agree more. I'm just utterly sick and tired of seeing a 30 something year old man reclining in bed every minute of every day, relishing it all, adding daily to possible future health problems and making no effort whatsoever to help himself, I can't even put it into words adequately and I can't do anything about it, not even get away from it.
Hello there - I'm so sad to hear that you're stuck in the same position. I also know what it's like to feel as if there is no end to the problem....it depends how much you want or need to get out of the situation. You have said that he should be the one to go - he obviously has no intentions of going. There is a way out for you, but not a very good one.......go to a Woman's Centre and ask for help.
Do you have any person who can help you and give you physical support in all this?
The doctor, to me, sounds completely incompetent and as suggested by someone else, maybe could be reported for being negligent?
These are only suggestions - I really DO know how hard it is to even think about upsetting one's life, especially in the later years.
Please, keep in touch........rant, rave, do whatever you can to keep yourself sane.........most of all, please believe that it is NOT you who is mentally unstable, but the bully of a husband that you have.
Sending you big ((((((((hugs))))))))) xx