Welcome to Carers Space and Matter members

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
76 posts
Michael Carers UK wrote:We’d like to extend a very warm welcome to Carers Space and Matter members who are visiting Carers UK's online community for the first time. This thread has been set up for you to meet each other and continue conversations that you may have been having on Carers Trust's sites.

During the past weeks Carers Trust staff have been speaking to us in confidence about the closure of their online communities and we’re doing all we can to help make the transition as smooth as possible. We appreciate that this may be an unsettling time for some of you and we hope you’ll soon feel at home here.

The Carers UK Forum is a supportive online community of current and former unpaid family carers who understand the ups and downs of caring. Our community is here for you to connect with other carers, support each other and signpost each other to relevant information, advice and support.

We hope that soon you’ll also begin to explore other sections of the forum and get to know our many welcoming and friendly members. Some of our members have been part of our community for several years and more, and we also have new members joining every week. We have sections on all aspects of the caring journey, including sections on specific disabilities and conditions and on the latest caring news. We also have a fun and games section where you can chat about things other than caring.

Our forum is monitored by a team of five volunteer moderators, plus our staff team of Michael, Nikki and Lucy. Before you begin to post in the forum please read our Community Guidelines.

We hope that you soon settle into our online community, get to know other members and find your way around. If you have any questions please email the staff team at forum@carersuk.org

Best Wishes

Michael

Michael Shann
Head of Volunteering and Membership
Carers UK
Dear Chris and Charm

As stated above, the original purpose of this topic is to welcome members crossing over from the Carers Trust Forums which have sadly had to close.

As you have both gone 'off topic' could I please ask you to transfer your conversation to another section of the forum rather than clog up the 'Welcome' area with posts unrelated to the original purpose ?

If you agree I will split your 'conversation' from this topic into a separate thread in whichever section you decide would be best suited :)

Thank you !
Find by me Susie.

House Rules rule ... easier typed than spoken.
That's fine Susie...I like it better here anyway as in I like this site better:)
susieq wrote: If you agree I will split your 'conversation' from this topic into a separate thread in whichever section you decide would be best suited :)
charm_1965 wrote:That's fine Susie...I like it better here anyway as in I like this site better:)
Chris From The Gulag wrote:Find by me Susie.
House Rules rule ... easier typed than spoken.
proving more difficult than I thought as the format will only let me split one page at a time :shock: So to avoid the danger of losing any of your posts I am going to leave them where they are, but would ask you to perhaps start a new topic so that you can carry on your 'conversation' - maybe in the "General Chit Chat" section or "All About Caring" section ?
Michael Carers UK wrote:We’d like to extend a very warm welcome to Carers Space and Matter members who are visiting Carers UK's online community for the first time. This thread has been set up for you to meet each other and continue conversations that you may have been having on Carers Trust's sites.

During the past weeks Carers Trust staff have been speaking to us in confidence about the closure of their online communities and we’re doing all we can to help make the transition as smooth as possible. We appreciate that this may be an unsettling time for some of you and we hope you’ll soon feel at home here.

The Carers UK Forum is a supportive online community of current and former unpaid family carers who understand the ups and downs of caring. Our community is here for you to connect with other carers, support each other and signpost each other to relevant information, advice and support.

We hope that soon you’ll also begin to explore other sections of the forum and get to know our many welcoming and friendly members. Some of our members have been part of our community for several years and more, and we also have new members joining every week. We have sections on all aspects of the caring journey, including sections on specific disabilities and conditions and on the latest caring news. We also have a fun and games section where you can chat about things other than caring.

Our forum is monitored by a team of five volunteer moderators, plus our staff team of Michael, Nikki and Lucy. Before you begin to post in the forum please read our Community Guidelines.

We hope that you soon settle into our online community, get to know other members and find your way around. If you have any questions please email the staff team at forum@carersuk.org

Best Wishes

Michael

Michael Shann
Head of Volunteering and Membership


Carers UK
Thank you for your welcome ,l have a question,my sister and l are caring for my terminally ill mother with me receiving carers allowance ,my sister is currently unemployed,but looking for work which is extra stress on our situation ,having to attend the unemployment office and to attend interviews ,my question is there any other way my sister can be helped financially during this difficult time ,regards Carol Woods
Morning Carol_16091 and welcome to the forum.

The best thing to do would be to call the Carers UK Adviceline who will be able to give you expert advice on your situation and hopefully find a resolution for you.

Their number is 0808 808 7777 lines are open 10:00-4:00 Monday to Friday.
Or you can email advice@carersuk.org and they'll endeavour to get back to you within 48 hours.

Thanks
Nikki
Hello Carol, welcome to the forum. Are you claiming Attendance Allowance for mum? (There are special arrangements for fast track applications for someone terminally ill.) Have you asked Social Services to do a Needs Assessment for mum? A Carers Assessment for you and your sister? Under certain circumstances Social Services may pay you to care for mum, but you need to have both assessments to get full details about how your local authority deals with this.
Are you aware of NHS Continuing Healthcare?
There are many people here who have been in a similar situation, so don't be afraid to ask if you are unsure of anything.
Then the really difficult bit. There some really important things to think about in advance, but believe me, better to be prepared in advance.
I've dealt with the final arrangements for a number of members of my family, the first, the death of mum in law. FIL refused to think about this, so in the end my husband and I came home from a lovely day out to a message on the answerphone. "Your mother has died. Please tell us what you want done with her body"!!!
It would have been much easier if FIL had accepted what was going to happen.
Have you thought about which funeral director you will be using when mum's battle is over? Maybe have an advance discussion, so that when the time comes, you just give them a ring and they take over?
Does anyone have Power of Attorney? This is important so the doctors will be open and honest with you.
It's also important that someone knows full details of mum's financial affairs in advance. Then you can decide the best way to deal with issues like having a live in nurse in the final weeks, or choosing residential nursing care.
Think about mum's favourite music, and what sort of service she would like.
Write everything down, it's impossible to think straight in a haze of tears later. Once you and your sister have agreed together, put the notebook in a safe place, and make the most of all the time mum has left.
bowlingbun wrote:Hello Carol, welcome to the forum. Are you claiming Attendance Allowance for mum? (There are special arrangements for fast track applications for someone terminally ill.) Have you asked Social Services to do a Needs Assessment for mum? A Carers Assessment for you and your sister? Under certain circumstances Social Services may pay you to care for mum, but you need to have both assessments to get full details about how your local authority deals with this.
Are you aware of NHS Continuing Healthcare?
There are many people here who have been in a similar situation, so don't be afraid to ask if you are unsure of anything.
Then the really difficult bit. There some really important things to think about in advance, but believe me, better to be prepared in advance.
I've dealt with the final arrangements for a number of members of my family, the first, the death of mum in law. FIL refused to think about this, so in the end my husband and I came home from a lovely day out to a message on the answerphone. "Your mother has died. Please tell us what you want done with her body"!!!
It would have been much easier if FIL had accepted what was going to happen.
Have you thought about which funeral director you will be using when mum's battle is over? Maybe have an advance discussion, so that when the time comes, you just give them a ring and they take over?
Does anyone have Power of Attorney? This is important so the doctors will be open and honest with you.
It's also important that someone knows full details of mum's financial affairs in advance. Then you can decide the best way to deal with issues like having a live in nurse in the final weeks, or choosing residential nursing care.
Think about mum's favourite music, and what sort of service she would like.
Write everything down, it's impossible to think straight in a haze of tears later. Once you and your sister have agreed together, put the notebook in a safe place, and make the most of all the time mum has left.
Why are you always so pessimistic? Carol did not ask about anything related to death. I have noticed that in the great majority of cases when you reply to any question, which is just about every one, you simply go on about end of life. You make important statements but mostly people do not want to read them at that time. They want relevant answers to their questions.
Perhaps you have unresolved issues and rather than put them on others you should resolve them yourself.
Hi Mick,

Excuse me butting in, but those messages were in April and Carol did write that her mother was 'terminally ill'.

I can't see the evidence for your reaction to bowlingbun. I realiize her advice was not appropriate for you, but none of us know enough to know how to advise when people log in. BB has cared for about 10 family members including 4 parents and parents-in-law but she also gives a lot of advice to people caring for a child who needs support, as one of her sons was brain-damaged at birth and is now 38, and she certainly doesn't mention death in that connection, except her own!
This is a forum to support carers in their caring role. Many carers are thrown in at the deep end, with little or no training, experience, knowledge of the benefits system or NHS policies and procedures and no one to talk to.
A lot of help and support is available, IF you know what you need to ask for. The problem is that no one dealing with the caree takes responsibility for telling carers what is available, so many of us miss out on vital support as a result.

When I joined this forum death was a taboo subject. I was asked not to ask questions about how to deal with an end of life parent because it might upset others, but I desperately needed that information and reassurance and didn't know where to turn to. Doctors, nurses and social services were totally focussed on the parent. My needs were totally ignored. They kept trying to tell me what I was going to do, none wanted to know that I was a multiple carer (at one stage five relatives were all entitled to highest DLA/AA care at the same time!).

It was assumed that I, as daughter, could solve their problem, what the patient needed to go home, even when I myself was recovering from major surgery or disabled, and I had a son with severe learning difficulties who was having huge problems with his care!

My posts are designed to give people basic information, and "permission" to ask those difficult questions that I needed answering myself, years ago. It's all about helping each other.
I've come to realise that I've had a wonderful life in many ways. I've lived in Australia, ridden motorbikes, driven steam engines, worked for a national museum, chaired two registered charities, studied for an honours degree with a young family, and run a small business for many years.
Pessimistic?!?! Absolutely not.
76 posts