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Weight to carry seems like it is getting heavier everyday - Carers UK Forum

Weight to carry seems like it is getting heavier everyday

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I am new to this forum. I care for my partner (long distance at the moment) who is suffering from a brain injury and PTSD from a hit and run last year. She recently became homeless because her father hit her and her family doesn't believe that so on top of all of the struggles she is dealing with, this has now been added to that. She doesn't have many people who support her so most of it lands on me to make be there to deal with her every fear, desperation and anger at her situation.
This has a massive effect on my day to day life and most days I cry most of the day just feeling panicked and useless about how to help her. She lashes out at me and accuses me of doing nothing a lot and puts me down because she can't regulate her emotions very well. It is very hard to support her and get her the right help. She has been waiting a month for a social worker and services like Victim Support and Headway have become slower which makes her very distressed. I get so scared and worried about her because she is so vulnerable that I have started vomiting a lot with anxiety.
She also gets very paranoid and doesn't trust people after the hit and run. So she tends to burn bridges with people and she makes impulsive decisions. I try to fill her thoughts with positivity but sometimes it just can't get through. And I am worried there are more mental health issues at play but she is convinced there isn't so there is only so much I can do. I struggle to sleep and her being alone in temporary accommodation terrifies me but she isn't able to stay with me. She isn't able to work yet so she is stuck where she is and I feel so powerful.
I love her so much and I do what I can. I was wondering if anyone has similar experiences? I just feel so alone and that the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
Hi & welcome Sapphire

Having read your post I wonder if the distance is actually better for you. Given the high level of anxiety you are feeling. To support another in extreme destress your need shoulders full of strength. And you don't sound in that place just now. You partner is better served by organisations who have knowledge and experience and teams of people. To help in these difficult situations.

Can I ask your length of relationship and were you aware of some of these difficulties.

Even If your partner was able to stay with you. I'm not sure this would be good for you in the short or long term. A place where you may get support for you both. Is with a charity called MIND UK
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
Hi,
Yes I feel like the distance does help but it makes me feel guilty that I am not able to be there all the time though it does feel like I am because we message and call a lot especially when she is going through anything hard because I am the person who gets her through it all which is a lot of responsibility.

We have been together 3 years so we had been together 2 years before she was hit by a car causing all her afflictions. She did deal with some anger beforehand as she was let go by her job not long before, and has suffered homophobia in the workplace and suffered domestic abuse as a teenager so the occasional anger wasn’t completely new to me but it is a lot more worse, frequent, and hard to control now. She had been treated for depression before then too which still affects her.

Yes, thank you. I contacted Mind on her behalf and I am helping fill in the form for her. I have for myself too. I think it’s especially hard when we don’t fully understand her emotions and how long they will last. Sometimes it feels like they will never end
Thanks for your reply
It's great you are able to provide a reassuring ear. But everyone needs to also be able to also off load. This situation in the longer term will exhausted you. And you need to find someone/somewhere to support you. Even counsellor's have managers to off load too. Your partner also needs to understand that in the longer term. She also must have other people to support her.
we don’t fully understand her emotions
People's emotions can take years to understand and/or come to live with attached feelings. It's finding ways to cope and try to minimise the destress such emotions cause us. Coping With triggers example:
Deep breathing
Expressive writing
Grounding
Mindfulness
Relaxation
Self-soothing
Social support

Keeping a diary can also help. This may help you both and sharing those feelings can help. Such diaries can also help when receiving counselling sessions. You could also keep a diary and keep it unique for yourself.
What triggered the feeling?
What was the feeling?
How long did the feeling last?
And think about was I in any danger.
How long did it take for me to recover for the overwhelming feeling/situation etc.
Hopefully, a pattern may emerge.