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caring and the help and lack of it.. - Carers UK Forum

caring and the help and lack of it..

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The end of 18 years caring since mother was bereaved .Mum just died peacefully at 95 and the doctor came quickly and kindly.Caring had been mum living with us until she had got on her feet and then supporting her in her newaccomodation as she didnt drive ,more and more care was required until we had to find a property with an annexe [and be suitable for our own retirement]We all coped although holidays became a thing of the past and an understanding spouse was a must.
After a fall in 2011 she was admitted for rehydration but it turned out to be anaemia 4packs blood short so they stopped the aspirin she had been on for years.Hospital was only overnight stay but ended up 4wks when ,with no physio,she became very imobile [7.30 til 5pm at least in a wooden chair with no padding on the arms and no dressing gown meant they lifted her up and her legs were frozen under her]Bed jacked up to keep her from being put back in , other shifts were different regimes.
Social workers eventually sent her for rehab for 2 weeks,this turned into 8 as no physio or any rehab given but they had many empty beds and so charges can be made after 6 weeks,we paid 400 attendance allowance and 250 for the extra days,others patients tablets were given her , money and clothes stolen,but eventually we got her out,we had no help given at home and told it would be 4-6 wks when things were down to 2 hr visits by me,and everything needed doing from food to toilet and through the night. They eventually rang while the doctor was signing death certificate.
Best thing was a small local home in rutland who offered a full day there and dinner and a shower for £50 and they were lovely and kind,we were invited for lunch the week before she died ,brilliant,so she was going to try it for a whole day but passed away,although[because?] she was nil rated social services seemed reticent to supply help and as they would have taken the attendance allowance and pension credit anyway ,worth asking round the local carehomes if you both need a break.I did what I promised mum which was to protect her from pain and fear, but what a fight ,felt the lack of kindness from the support services was untenable.District nurses were good however and the eventual occupational therapist advice came at week 6 [see now they needed the charges for the extra weeks to help funds]and was helpful.Thankyou carers uk for advice throughout, it was a minefield.Its a month after her death and am just coming round to life again,good days and not so good.Thanks again.
Hi Dee Jessop, our deepest condolences to you and your family, so glad you found support and advice on the forum, hopefully you will still pop in and let us know how you are.
Such a shame that once again the hospitals and related services are not doing the job they should.
Take care.

Paul.
So sorry for your loss Dee.
Hi Dee,so sorry for your loss.Hope you continue to use the Forum,as i`m sure your experiences will be useful to others.Best wishes. Image Image
Thankyou everyone,the sympathy and kindness shown by friends,church members and yourselves really does help.
On a practical note,the best bits of kit were a dispensing kettle that you just pressed a button and it lit up blue was great [fill with a little jug,ensure quantity dispensed is on low and place a beaker below the spout]Argos £40.
Also from argos ,the single plastic matress protector £4.00 both needed some finding in the catalogue and staff helped.

From local helplines a large plastic beaker with 2 feeder tops microwaveable and boiling waterproof.
Pads via the district nurse prescription whole months supply at a time ,go larger than measured waist size.
Local supermarket does sell them but £7 plus for 10 .
Boots sell 18" square padded waterproof sheets in a pack ,good to protect chairs and matresses from oedeama leaks or such.

Keep something to look forward to and the thught that this too will pass ,all the best Dee.