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New and nervous member!Hello! - Carers UK Forum

New and nervous member!Hello!

Tell us a bit about yourself here.

Apologies if this this is a bit muddled, my life is a bit muddled at the moment!! Im 24 and I care for my partner who has been suffering from depression and severe anxiety for over a year now. Our situation came to a head just before Christmas when my partners mental state declined dramatically and he was sectioned for a month. He came out of hospital and although he seemed a lot better at first he has now descended into depression again. He was made redundant shortly after he came out of hospital which has not helped. He cannot cope with being alone so is living in between our flat and his parents house, I work full time and on my 2 days off he comes to stay. My own parents are extremely supportive but live a long way away. Unfortunately I don't feel supported by my partners parents, they are very keen to gloss over things and brush things under the carpet, sometimes it even seems like they don't believe in depression as an illness.

I feel at my wits end, I feel helpless and desperate for things to be 'normal' again. We used to be so happy but it feels like we'll never return to those times again. I am being encouraged by my partners care worker to join a carers support group but I am a very shy person myself and not good at opening up so don't know if I can do this.

Sorry for rambling and apologies if any of this didn't make sense, nothing makes sense to me at the moment!! Image
Hello Kirky, welcome to the forum, sorry that you qualify to be here.

Don't worry, your description of the situation you're in was very clear.

Firstly, well done for not walking away. As for the behaviour & attitude of your partner's parents, snap. My husband has had a longterm physical illness for over 15 years now, it really limits what he can do even on a good day, and his parents still tend to act as if all he needs to do is make a bit more of an effort and I'm some sort of over-protective neurotic who encourages him to act like a hypochondriac! Hey, what would I know about it? I only see him every day, compared to them maybe seeing him 2 weeks a year. Image

Call me a patronising so & so but IMHO having a partner so ill for over a year is a big and difficult load to be placed on relatively young shoulders. I was a couple of years older than you when my (then) partner got reactive depression for the 2nd time and although he was ill with it for less than a year (mainly because the local NHS clinic was brilliant at trying everything - including counselling and relaxation sessions as well as trying to suit the tablets to each individual patient - until something worked) it was difficult enough.

It's human to long for the life somebody your age would usually hope for (and expect) with their partner. On the plus side, depression is easier to treat than it used to be - on the minus side, mental health is still underfunded and IMHO it's criminal that people remain untreated or unable to find the right treatment & support in time because of the lack of funding. Only this week I heard of a single mother (she doesn't post or read here), widowed last year - severely depressed, her GP finally persuaded her to try some antidepressants and they're working but the waiting list for any other therapy at all is 6 months on the NHS and she can't afford to go private. This is a potentially fatal disease and she's expected to do without half the effective and recommended treatment. Grr! Image

I'd like to shake your partner's care worker by the hand - at last he/she's acknowledged your existence, that is relatively enlightened! Image BTW this is a support group that you've joined, and you've posted here, well done you! If you can find a face to face support group that you can reach, that'd also be great, but there are times when the relative anonymity of being online can make people feel more comfortable. Another advantage of being online is that you can post when you've got the time & energy.

You didn't ramble, just explained what's going on and why you're here. And that's okay. Given the situation, IMHO it would be mentally unhealthy to find your current life normal and comfortable.
Hi Kirky and welcome, as Catja says, we are a carers support group, so well done you for joining Image
Hello Kirky nice to meet you and welcome to the forum Image
welcome to the site!!!

ramble as much as u want, we all do but we dont call it rambling-- its getting it off yer chest Image
Hi Kirky ,glad you joined us ,and to be honest iam in the same boat as you ,i have cared for my partner with mental health problems for 7 years now and its so hard because like you i long for things to be how they used to be (happy, cuddles, going out together ect). Ican honestly say that without joining my local carers support group i dont know how i would have coped ,you see everyone there is in the same boat and understands you . When my partner first became ill i thought i could cope alone and didnt want any help but as time went on i had to ask for help as my own health was suffering, so dont be affraid to ask for the help you are entitled too . And remember you need a life too.
ps if your partner was sectioned on a 117 then you are entitled to aftercare free of charge .
Take care chat soon
Karen Image
Hello Kirky

Welcome to you, I only joined the other day, but everyone has been great for me.

My wife suffers from alzheimers & vascular dementia & I feel like you do from time to time, as though the whole world is against me. Then I might get a text or a phone call from a concerned neighbour, who have prooved to be better to us than long standing friends & suddenly things don't seem quite so bad.

We don't have any family & even fewer freinds now, but I think the people on this site will be so good for me....& you Kirky.

Don't worry about being shy, look at it like your keeping a diary. Your not actually talking to anyone, just putting your thoughts on paper, but the bonus is that you get replies back from new freinds.

Take care Kirky & remember, everyone is here for you & for me.

Hi Kirky and welcome to the forum, we are all friends here and always around to offer support and advice.

Blue Image
Thank you so much for everyones kind words, such a warm welcome!

It's comforting to know that other people are going through the same/similar troubles and that there is a place for us to vent emotions, concerns etc.

I think I'm just beginning to come to terms with things and process what has happened with my life...over Christmas I cut off a lot of friendships because it was just too hard, too painful to try and explain my situation, and my partners family didn't really want anyone else knowing (i think they didn;t even want my family to know at first!). Now, I'm feeling alone and not sure how to rebuild friendships that have broken down because of my situation, has anyone else experienced anything else like this? I'm a very shy person socially, work colleagues invite me out and I feel I should, but a lot of the time I just don't want to but I don't know why!! Image
Hello and welcome Image