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29 year old carer- reaching out for help!x mum brain injury - Carers UK Forum

29 year old carer- reaching out for help!x mum brain injury

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello I’m not really sure how to start.
I’ve been caring for my mother who sadly suffered a major stroke in 2013. I was 22. I’m now 29 and need to get some advice about what to do in the long run. ( My father passed away whiten I was 4 years old ) She has a carer who she mostly refuses to get up for.
(This is funded by the government and mum gets 4 hours a day Monday to Friday as
They believe this is all she needs !!! 19 hours per week. Where I believe it is a lot more. ) I Work part time but go straight home to care for mum. My whole life revolves around caring for her. It’s getting very hard to keep going and I’m
So unsure and anxious about what to do next. I recently had one weeks respite care where mum went to a care home for one week. I’ve been asking the council for for over 7 years. Mum was fine but very annoyed and upset that I ‘put her there’ I felt so sad doing it as she always tugs on my heart strings but she can’t understand that I need a break.
She is not paralysed. But she is only 59 and has no memory. It’s like she is a little girl. There’s so much to explain. But I never wanted to put her in a home. I feel like it’s giving up on her. I’ve tried my best to look after her as best as I can, and keep a job going. Look after the house and my little sister and dog. but I don’t know how long I can keep going for. I love her so much.
I’m Working Monday to Friday and coming home each day to look after her in the evenings (from 3pm each day) I’m with her most weekends but I feel like I need to look after me aswell and I’m just not coping.
I’m 29 and on the top dose of anti depressants / anti anxiety pills just so I can cope.
My little sister is 26 and can barely look after her self. This has caused so many problems between us. And my sister is on pills aswell to help her cope. (She has been very ill through all this. Struggling to cope and suffering from alopecia)
Mum would never have wanted this for us. she would only have wanted us to be happy. But since her stroke she has changed and now cannot see that we are her children and need to have a life too.

I know it’s a long shot but I just want to know is there anyone out there who has gone through the
Same or is going through something similar?
It feels like I’ve had no help or understanding from social services and it would be nice to know I’m
Not the only person who is going through this!
If there is anyone out there who can offer me
Some advice or just support or help I’d be very grateful. I’m so scared putting this out there as I hate to ask for help!
But I’ve got nothing to lose and it would feel nice
To know I’m not the only person having to deal with this sort of thing.
Katie
Katie_1703123 wrote:
Sun Oct 20, 2019 12:13 am
Hello I’m not really sure how to start. My father passed away whiten I was 4.
I’ve been caring for my mother who sadly suffered a major stroke in 2013. I was 22. I’m now 29 and need to get some advice about what to do in the long run. She has a carer who she mostly refuses to get up for. I Work part time but go straight home to care for mum. My whole life revolves around caring for her. It’s getting very hard to keep going and I’m
So unsure and anxious about what to do next. I recently had one weeks respite care where mum went to a care home for one week. I’ve been asking the council for for over 7 years. Mum was fine but very annoyed and upset that I ‘put her there’ I felt so sad doing it as she always tugs on my heart strings but she can’t understand that I need a break.
She is not paralysed. But she is only 59 and has no memory. It’s like she is a little girl. There’s so much to explain. But I never wanted to put her in a home. I feel like it’s giving up on her. I’ve tried my best to look after her as best as I can, and keep a job going. Look after the house and my little sister and dog. but I don’t know how long I can keep going for. I love her so much.
I’m Working Monday to Friday and coming home each day to look after her in the evenings (from 3pm each day) I’m with her most weekends but I feel like I need to look after me aswell and I’m just not coping.
I’m 29 and on the top dose of anti depressants am and anti anxiety pills just so I can cope.
My little sister is 26 and can barely look after her self. This has caused so many problems between us. And my sister is on pills aswell to help her cope. (She has been very ill through all this. Struggling to cope and suffering from alopecia)
Mum would never have wanted this for us.
I know it’s a long shot but I just want to know is there anyone out there who has gone through the
Same or is going through something similar?
It feels like I’ve had no help or understanding from social services and it would be nice to know I’m
Not the only person who is going through this!
Have you had a needs assessment or not? When was the last time you had me time?
Many others are in the same situation, social services arrange the most basic minimum of care and then leave you to get on with it.
Social Services should be helping and supporting you especially as you are looking after both mum and your sister.
Have you had a carers assessment, do Social Services realise the whole situation, the pressure that you are under?
Have you contacted the stroke association, they may be able to provide help and support?

You need to get regular respite, breaks etc not just one respite in 7 years.
Have you talked to your G.P. about the whole situation, you are clearly suffering depression and anxiety due to your caring role, can your G.P. help at all?
Do you have a carers centre nearby, they can offer help and advice, breaks etc.
Katie,
I know it's hard, but you need to understand that mum will never willingly agree to anything. As you say, she is like a child, and that means that you have to take on the role of "parent" making decisions for her.
As she apparently lacks the mental capacity to make good decisions, then Social Services should do a formal "Mental Capacity Assessment" and then maybe have a Best Interests Meeting, which would involve you, to decide what support she needs from now on, given her mental state.

It's really important that you tell us whether mum owns or rents her house? This is crucially important.